Would you expect a thoughtful gift?

[Mylittlechickens]

My OH went away for a week's holiday with family member earlier in Jan. Back for a week then away for 12 days with friends in swanky hotel. I've been left managing children (teens), all household stuff, full time work, pets and sick elderly relatives. OH just arrived home and gave me some wine and a Milka chocolate bar.

To say I'm upset and hurt just doesn't begin to describe how I'm feeling. Apparently I don't like anything and have no interests which is why he couldn't get me anything.

Am I expecting too much? Work colleagues can't believe he's had so many holidays. OH thinks he should be able to do what he likes when he likes.

If you want something, buy it for yourself. What’s the point of him trying to buy a “thoughtful” gift when there’s a good chance he won’t get it right anyway.

If you have equal opportunity to go away, that’s fine. If you don’t, I’d be more worried about that than him bringing back a gift.

If you agreed to him going away, it’s pretty shit to get stroppy with him about the lack of a gift that you deem sufficiently thoughtful. I’m assuming you agreed to hold the fort while he was away - Again, if that’s not the case, you have a far bigger issue.

I didn’t buy dh a gift when I went to Ibiza with friends for a few days. It would have been tat he wouldn’t have wanted so I just said for him to buy something hobby related guilt free. If he was going away right now I’d probably as for my perfume (because it’s low).

My dh went to Thailand for 2 and half weeks , I got a crappy wind chime , it's still in the bag on a shelf. I've bought myself plenty since, during and after

Him swanning off on hols if you're not happy about it and being rude to you on his return are far more important than the boring present.

OH thinks he should be able to do what he likes when he likes.

Surely what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Arrange your own time away with friends and off you go. Couple of weekends here and there if you're not keen on a holiday away.

Apparently I don't like anything and have no interests which is why he couldn't get me anything.
So this is the excuse he came up with? Good grief, he sounds delightful. Make him write an essay on your interests or better yet, let him do a smartshow 3d presentation about your hobbies and why are they important to you. Seriously, how indifferent can one be?

OH thinks he should be able to do what he likes when he likes.
What about you being able to do what you like whenever you like? He knows it works both ways, right?

As for your initial question, I probably wouldn't expect a gift but I wouldn't be happy with the excuses like that and I'd look for a gift for my SO if I were him, so his behaviour is frustrating either way.

Not really no, I’d be happy with that, I find it’s the thought that counts.

plus kids are teens, has it really been very stressful. Are the sick relatives his and not yours?

I feel both my husband and I should get to do what we like. I’m not getting your point, we just cover each other.

the op should have equal opportunity, but as she says it’s her work colleagues who think x, maybe she’s not got any mates?

Oh come on!

Does he save any holiday time to spend with his family?

I'm fairly sure that if someone posted "I went away for a few days with friends while my DH stayed at home with our kids. He doesn't really have any particular interests and there are so many things he doesn't like, so I got him a bottle of wine and some chocolates. He's now sulking because I didn't get him a more 'thoughtful' gift. AIBU?" people would be replying to say he's being ungrateful/spoilt/childish to expect a gift at all for looking after his own kids.

Anyway. I wouldn't expect a gift at all if my partner went away, and he wouldn't expect one from me. It's just not a thing we do, and shopping isn't really a feature of holidays for us - and airport shopping is quite limited unless you have a lot of money to splash around.

It sounds like the real issue isn't the lack of a gift, but the fact that you resent him having lots of trips away (which I am assuming you don't?) - and that is quite understandable. So YABU to be kicking off over not getting a bespoke gift, but YANBU to be fed up with your husband going off on holidays without you all the time if a) that is indeed what is happening and b) you don't ever get to go away yourself.

I’m with @Xmasbaby11

I agree with others that this seems less about the gift and more about time spent away/do you get a trip too - do you even want one?/expectations around you picking up the load when he is gone.

The actual gifts sound like normal stuff people bring you back from holiday, assuming you like wine and chocolate. Often on holiday there isn't any specific thing from the place that you need to bring back for a person.