To find it so hard to look together

[Ineedamanicure]

Other women seem to manage it and I just struggle.

Like I leave the house thinking I look fine then I’ll catch sight of myself or notice something eg

• Loose thread on dress and hem coming down
• tights actually bobbly around the ankles and feet with grey bobbles
• two massive stray grey hairs on head
• hair growing out of chin
• nail polish on hands or toes chipping
• Heels ( I live in hot country so often have bare legs and feet) need exfoliating as hard and awful looking
• Mascara slid down face
• stain on clothes
• Hair frizzy despite styling
• Missed patch on knee when shaving leg
• Scrape mark on handbag

I can’t afford to go for treatments so need to upkeep myself and it’s just such hard work. I always seem to miss something. Had meetings this week with women who just looked perfect and I just struggle so much to look together.

Anyone else find it hard.

You're looking at yourself in much more detail than you would look at other people. Nobody else would notice the examples you gave, I'm sure you look very together.

You don't have to be perfect and we are more critical of ourselves.

It sounds like there is a mixture of bad eye sight, bad lighting and poor mirrors on your home, using wrong or cheap products, no regular beauty or laundry maintenance and lack a grooming routine, no emergency back up products when you're out to fix surprises for example carrying a mini tweezers and magnifier, hand moisturiser, chapped lips balm, mini hairbrush...

Wow Sanjay- way to make someone feel even worse about themselves than they’re already feeling!

I have a regular beauty and laundry routine and carry tweezers, lip balm etc. I’m not a complete disaster. Just struggle sometimes with kids, work and looking as together as I would like to. Just feeling pretty bad about myself at the moment.

I could have written your post @Ineedamanicure. Everyone I know seems to look great all the time and I constantly feel scruffy in comparison - even when I really make an effort! My makeup never looks right and my hair is an endless battle. No advice but posting in absolute solidarity with you!

Nothing is wrong with grey hair, for a start.

for example carrying a mini tweezers and magnifier, hand moisturiser, chapped lips balm, mini hairbrush...

People really carry this lot around every day??

I bet those same women that you think are perfect are sitting there after seeing something they aren't happy about on themselves.
Honestly people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice anybody else.

OP, all of those little things are part of my look every day. I'm sure you look lovely. Ignore PP's bonkers advice to carry a fucking magnifying mirror out with you. And if you do know a few women who look incredible every day, it's probably a huge effort and they're probably just as self conscious.

In your list, there are a few things that you could just drop that would actually improve things....eg lots of us struggle with mascara in hot weather, answer is not to wear it, or find one that stays in place. You could dye your eyelashes instead ,if you can be bothered. You can consider not putting nail polish on your hands at all if you know you can't manage the upkeep ( which is the case for many women with children).
Make time to deal with your heels - not when you are about to go out but after a nighttime bath or shower, when DC are in bed. Toenail polish can be topped up when you've done that.
Bobbly or baggy tights - chuck them out. They are not ever going to look better, bare legs is a better option if you are somewhere hot.
Missing a bit when shaving your legs is probably not noticeable by anyone else.
If you have an actual stain on your clothes ( as opposed to a temporary spillage) again, chuck it out. It's not going to get better, so if you can't remove it, out it goes. But if you mean you've got a mark on your clothes, sponge it off and keep stain remover wipes in your bag if it is a frequent occurrence.
Hair is difficult to control in the heat, so either embrace its wildness or find some way of sleeking it back from your face (with edge wax or similar) in a ponytail or bun. Sunglasses and a strong lipstick distract from lots of minor imperfections.
Have a couple of go-to outfits including either a maxi dress or palazzo trousers to hide unshaven/patchy legs at the ready. And remember no one is perfect.

I think you're being quite hard on yourself. It's difficult to keep up with all the self maintenance. I was thinking today that I need to sort out my tights and get rid of those bobbly ones (or with holes ☺️).

Nobody will notice a bit of chipped nail polish etc.

I find it boring and a pedicure for me takes ages. My advice is to do little and often (perhaps even a list), so one day cuticles or nail polish or exfoliation. That sort of thing.

Frizz is a difficult one. Hairspray, lots of it, is the only thing that can stop it forming, or at least keep it minimal, or embrace the curl/wave. I know people who have tried old fashioned setting lotion for frizz, but I don't know if it works.

That list is things I wouldn't care about on myself or others!

Ditch finger nail polish - just keep clean and nice length. Looking 'together' doesn't mean immaculate.

Yes, if you can't keep up with the nail polish on your hands just buff your nails instead or top with a clear polish.

Nobody will notice most of these things, seriously. If you were to scrutinise other people so closely, even the most well put together folk would have little things like this going on. (Unless they have a personal hair/make up/costume person following them around like a movie star on a film set, ready to tidy them up between takes. )

I think maybe just being better organised will solve most of these problems - which per pp are probably not noticeable to anyone else!

Do an “audit” of tights and chuck any that are no longer in good shape.

Set out clothes the night before and if there are loose hems/buttons missing fix them.

Set aside a bit of time each week for feet/hands - I do a full cheese grater file and paint my toenails on a Sunday. Nails I keep short but paint a couple of times a week. Maybe gel polish would work for you?

Get professional hair advice - I grew out my grey and don’t care if some are wiry.

Per pp tint lashes/brows so you don’t have to worry about those.

My chin hairs sprout at random so I tend to do a nightly check pre teeth brushing!

A couple of hours at the weekend would take care of quite a few of these things if you have the time or inclination op:

~an hour on a Sunday laundering and ironing and laying out your clothes for the week ahead - polishing shoes, cleaning and emptying handbags, doing a little mending, removing threads, shopping on line for tights that are long enough (Faulke are good or Long Tall Sally if they still do tights) Lay out the jewellery too and all accessories like scarves etc.

~an hour a week having a bath, applying a hair treatment at same time, shaving, plucking chin hairs and eyebrows, applying moisturiser on heels. A manicure in bed that evening while listening to a podcast. Tell the dc it’s “mummy time”.

You just need a bit of regular maintenance. You don’t need to spend much money. Just take the time to invest in yourself on a consistent basis. It’s really important and no one will come along and encourage you to take time out for yourself and you don’t need permission from anyone else either, so you need to consider yourself a priority once a week, in fact your family will benefit in positive ways indirectly when mum is feeling a bit more in control and a bit less frazzled.

Definitely ditch or give to rag bag charity if you don't feel good in something

Clear nail varnish, make a list of what's bothering you and deal with each thing when you can.

Look on Vinted for ideas.
I certainly have days/weeks when I feel out of sorts.

I have all these on a daily basis. Yet recently someone described me as always perfectly put together!! So no one notices. Best place for tweezers is in the car with the sun shining on your face as you look in the mirror.
Otherwise just hold your head up and don't waste any time worrying. A smile covers a multitude. I am so busy chatting to people and enjoying their company l couldn't care less about any of the above.

For nails use either clear polish or a neutral colour.

Hair, is it humid? Maybe use hair spray or a simple bun if you have long- ish hair.

Clothes, at the weekend check items for stains/hems etc. I used to sort my clothes for the week- light top/blouse hang a light bra on the hanger

Handbag and shoes- check those too. If you use a black leather bag keep a spare black eyeliner to cover a scratch until the weekend and then use shoe polish. Same with shoes.

Honestly, don’t worry about it. Other people will
only look more put together than you feel you do because you are scrutinising yourself more closely. Just say “no, I look great” and keep on walking.

Honestly it's easier in cold weather countries

Definitely easier in colder places as you can cover up and do t have to worry about sweaty face and unshaven legs!

Come and live near me. I look like shit and blend in perfectly 😂

😂😂