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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this ‘cruel’ to the dog?

44 replies

TeaPlease7859 · 04/02/2024 11:38

I’ve got a very excitable dog, still quite young. We was getting ready for a walk and he gets very vocal when he sees people getting dressed, shoes on - all signs of going out.

It’s something that we are working on but I’ve got an autistic DD who cannot handle it when he constantly whines like that and then it triggers her off shouting and screaming. During the week he is walked whilst she is at school so it isn’t an issue.

To calm her down whilst getting ready, I put the dog in the conservatory so she couldn’t hear the whining but then when family members turned up who was going on the walk with us, they said it was cruel doing this?

AIBU here?

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 04/02/2024 11:40

No if course not, why would putting the dog in the conservatory for five minutes be cruel? Do you have lion or alligator in there?

Anoisagusaris · 04/02/2024 11:40

Not cruel at all. Our dog is the same. Makes it impossible to get organised to go for a walk. I put him outside while we get ready.

Merryoldgoat · 04/02/2024 11:42

So they’re more concerned about your dog than daughter?

Daffodildilys · 04/02/2024 11:42

Yabu for not providing a cute photo of the dog, yanbu for putting the dog in the conservatory for a few minutes xx

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/02/2024 11:43

Dog lover here.

No, it wasn't "cruel"!

Midnlghtrain · 04/02/2024 11:43

I'd feel quite sorry for the dog if it's whining and being shut away from everyone for a long time, but if it's still young / training and it wasn't too long then it doesn't sound as bad. Fair warning though, not all dogs grow out of that! You might want to figure out a coping mechanism or similar just incase?

Tinkerbyebye · 04/02/2024 11:44

No

ArticWillow · 04/02/2024 11:47

Teach it down & wait ... in the conservatory! (& have ir closed if your daughter is around!)
Honestly do it every time you get ready for a walk. The dog is young and will learn very quickly!

Sprinkles211 · 04/02/2024 11:49

Not a problem. My asd daughter is the same with noise I've found it helps to prepare her when I can with noises our dog also does the excitable moose noises when my dh gets a certain coat on we tend to say luna going to shout at daddy in a minute as she is excited about her walk depending on her tolerance levels that day she will either say OK and put hands over her ears or will be OK with it as been pre warned. I find I have to meet in the middle with what my daughters needs are and of those in the house which is hard as I have 3 asd children all totally different but we get by, I mostly feel like a narrator all day!

Barrenfieldoffucks · 04/02/2024 11:50

Cruel to.tour daughter otherwise 🤷

Gymmum82 · 04/02/2024 11:51

Absolutely not

Mrsjayy · 04/02/2024 11:54

mine goes in the kitchen once his harness is on so Dh can get his jacket etc on. Dogs are fine for a few minutes in other rooms ,your family member was being ridiculous.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/02/2024 11:55

I shut my dog in the downstairs loo whilst I get his food ready. Otherwise he tears round and round the kitchen with a random boot in his mouth, leaving chaos in his wake. I also shut him in the conservatory or the utility room sometimes when we eat or have visitors.

I love him. A lot.

Createausername1970 · 04/02/2024 11:55

I don't think that's cruel at all. Could you maybe keep the lead/harness in the conservatory, and pop a dog bed or big cushion in there and make going to the conservatory part of the going for a walk routine, so hopefully the dog heads there by choice? A comfy cushion is just for the days you have to accommodate your daughter's needs too and it all takes a bit longer.

dinmin · 04/02/2024 11:55

Not cruel as such but unlikely to help the dog’s frustration / excitement. You need to desensitise to departure cues

Mrsjayy · 04/02/2024 11:56

JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/02/2024 11:55

I shut my dog in the downstairs loo whilst I get his food ready. Otherwise he tears round and round the kitchen with a random boot in his mouth, leaving chaos in his wake. I also shut him in the conservatory or the utility room sometimes when we eat or have visitors.

I love him. A lot.

I know it will be actually annoying but that sounds hilarious 😂

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/02/2024 11:58

JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/02/2024 11:55

I shut my dog in the downstairs loo whilst I get his food ready. Otherwise he tears round and round the kitchen with a random boot in his mouth, leaving chaos in his wake. I also shut him in the conservatory or the utility room sometimes when we eat or have visitors.

I love him. A lot.

I'm laughing at the "random boot". Mine doesn't tear around (she's too old for that) but when she's excited or happy, she relocates shoes, boots and slippers into random places. Great fun when you're looking for them!

lifeispainauchocolat · 04/02/2024 11:59

It's fine. Mine often gets shut away from certain activities for his own safety.

Mrsjayy · 04/02/2024 12:02

lifeispainauchocolat · 04/02/2024 11:59

It's fine. Mine often gets shut away from certain activities for his own safety.

sometimes you have to. dogs don't have to be involved in everything!

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2024 12:02

Not at all cruel.

KreedKafer · 04/02/2024 12:10

It’s not cruel to put a dog in the conservatory for a few minutes while you get your child ready to go out.

If you were leaving the dog in there for hours and she was panicking and distressed, that would be cruel. My next door neighbours regularly put their dog outside for long periods in all weathers when they have visitors, and the dog gets so anxious that she throws herself at the back door crying for literally hours non-stop and gets so worried and anxious that she foams at the mouth. That’s cruel. What you’re doing sounds completely reasonable. When I had dogs I had to put one them in another room whenever I hoovered the carpet, because she would attack the hoover.

GSDmom · 04/02/2024 12:11

Hitting your dog or hurting your dog to stop the behaviour is cruel. Removing your dog from the situation, and leaving it in a room where it is safe from harm, is not cruel but sounds necessary for your child's wellbeing.

My dog was exactly the same when leaving the house. It might be beneficial to do some real training while your dd is out of the house. I fixed my issue very easily, and believe me he had been doing it for years. I just didn't have the right attitude to fix it and was too passive until I had my dd and it used to frustrate me a lot more. My method was standing in front of him and very firmly (absolutely not shouting, as this raises the anxiety levels) say no, as soon as the whining stopped I praised him with a calm but more upbeat tone. This would usually trigger some more whining, just repeat. Eventually after 10 minutes or so he just lay down and gave up. You have to consistently praise the good behaviour so they know that's the behaviour you want to see. I still have to reinforce this daily, he may make a small whine when I get my coat and I repeat the no and good boy while putting the coat on and have to pay a lot of attention to it while getting ready to leave the house but he's sooo much better with it!
I know you didn't ask for advice but from one vocal dog's mum to another, I know how infuriating it can get. Hope this helps.

FloofCloud · 04/02/2024 12:32

Nope, we have the same issues in our house, vocal Samoyed doggo and an ASD 15 year old DD. Dog is very good's most of the time but when she's excited she can't help herself 🤪 DD gets in a complete pickle (sensory processing disorder) so dog goes into the garden usually whilst getting ready for a walk

RantyAnty · 04/02/2024 12:41

Of course it isn't cruel at all. It doesn't sound like your relative knows very much about dogs.

DonnaBanana · 04/02/2024 12:42

I think you’re reading too much into their comment but it’s hardly cruel. If that’s cruel then I can’t even imagine what people would say about leaving the dog in the garden all day on a work day