To wonder how this is possible

[Girgio]

I’ll start with, I’m incredibly proud of my 3 children, I think they are all incredible, kind, smart people and wouldn’t change them for anything, this is more a curiosity thing.

I’ve been in a relationship with my current partner for a year and a half, he has one daughter, just turned 18 this month.

She is really like some sort of god, she plays tennis to a relatively high level (or I believe it’s a relatively high level anyway), this comes with training early in the mornings etc.
She has predicted all As for A-Level, has done two work experience opportunities with big firms rather than your normal work experience (HSBC and another I believe), one of which involved her dad getting a hotel in London with her for the week and to top it all off she has a part time job.
My DS and DD are similar ages and couldn’t fit in a fraction of what she does. She also still socialises and doesn’t seem to be overworked (in fact she is one of the most energetic people I know).

AIBU to wonder how it’s possible for a teen to do so much? Parenting? Luck? Magic?

Surely it's about expectations and what she's used to. I was similar when young. I currently work full time, go to the gym, plenty of family activities at the weekend, have a social life plus a couple of hobbies and a 5 year old. I don't like sitting around. DS is 5, obviously is at school, he does 4 activities/clubs/sports a week and we are generally out at weekends. If we're at home he wants to do something, last weekend I was away, he built a bug hotel with DH and they put it up outside after the paint dried, did his reading and maths homework and some extra because he enjoys it, they went swimming, to the cinema and for a long beach walk. I assume he will grow up to be similarly active because it's what he is used to and he is happier when he's got things to do.

I have a lot of friends with kids like these. My dc are much younger. I do feel there's a mix of ambition and drive by the children that's fully supported by the parents and also the parents who provide good examples by being like this themselves. Not to mention boundaries and a good firm emphasis on education. My friend has 3 teens and her kids are very much like you describe, all very focused on their future and alot revolves around sport and studies. I read threads on here about kids 14/15 having boyfriends and girlfriends, freedom to go as they please, and I just don't recognise this.

Pushy parenting often creates this sort of child, who feels they must do their absolute best at every point by utilising every skill and advantage they have. It doesn't always bode well for long term happiness though.

Oh please I just knew this sort of replies will start.

I don't agree that it's all down to pushy parenting - I think it's when a parenting style fits well with a child's personality (which is mainly due to luck!). Some people wouldn't be able to cope with that kind of schedule no matter how hard you pushed them, and then some would seek that level of activity without being pushed. She sounds awesome (albeit intimidating!).

Do you always refer to 'this sort of reply' when someone has (a) real life experience(s) different than your experience(s)?
Pressure to 'achieve' can have negative effects.

She sounds very motivated and driven. Probably a combination of great parenting and individual ambition.

Did you miss the word 'can' in reference to pushy parenting?
Even a quick read through MN will reveal how many parents measure life success, right from pre-schoolers to adulthood, on academic, sporting or career achievements.

We all want our children to succeed in life but we also need to recognise that suceeding comes in many forms.

Some thrive on being pushed and encouraged, others feel overwhelmed.

We also all have different intelligence levels, practical abilities, talents, privileges (or not) and so on.

Did she go to private school? Has she been used to having her days crammed with stuff 7am-7pm from the age of 4?

Some people do have more energy than others. I have a food friend I first met at uni who seems to just constantly be active and doing some amazing things. I have just accepted that I need a bit more down time
.
She sounds ambitious. If she's really lovely too then maybe your DC will find being round her inspiring?

Some people are just like that naturally it is not that hard to understand surely?

Sure this would make my child's head hurt at the thought bit not every child is the same, same as adults

No private school but I get the impression she was the kid who did 2 million clubs as a child.
Shes a lovely girl, DS likes her and they get on well, DD finds her really intimidating so tends to avoid. There isn’t any reason to be intimidated by her though!

@YukoandHiro I'm glad you mentioned down time because everyone actually needs to learn how to have effective down time, to rest our body and our mind.

It's not necessarily the case here, in fact it very likely isn't, but many adult's don't actually know how to relax and/or are scared to 'un-busy' themselves and actually be with their own thoughts.

Of course it's great to have an active life but it's also important to know how to properly rest.

Hopefully this teen has been encouraged in that respect too.

Some people enjoy a busy, fulfilling lifestyle at whatever age.
Good life skills I think.
Every one should have a first job by 18 to have some social responsibility, earning their own income and learning how to manage.
Well done I say.
Pushy,,,, maybe or maybe the kid is sensible or has aspirations, dear, I say.

Both our points are valid.
I just wish the world didn't have such a narrow view of what successful means.

Sounds like they're both lovely girls, just motivated/pushed differently.
Your DD doesn't have to be intimidated though because there's more than one way to measure success in life - just keep encouraging DD with her goals, her dreams, her hobbies, her school/college/Uni, and being a good parent to her (which it sounds like you are).

On my experience it’s potluck and a bit of encouragement from parents.

Dd is like this and we always encouraged her and supported her. She is at Uni, goes to the gym really early, has a healthy social life, is VP student society for her course and student rep. She is involved in many extras. She is a second year and in summer managed to get 4 weeks working at the law firm she wants to go to when she finishes studying. Luckily the company I work for has apartments in London they were happy to lend her. I even stayed with her twice a week as I was at one of our investors head office. During that period.

She makes me exhausted just watching her. her dad is on the go all the time but has never been so focused. He runs from one thing to the next not finishing things. Physically, I don’t have (and never had) the energy she has though I have PCOS and one of its impacts on my has been disrupted sleep.

I have always supported her. If she wanted to try something I would find a way to make it happen. But I can’t say I am a particularly pushy person.

I think it is down to personality. A friend of mine is like this but she had a bad upbringing. Some people are just very driven and talented.

I know a teenager a bit like that. She's seems to be talented at everything she does. I think there's a bit of who you know involved, rather than on her own merits in this case.

@Wadermellone good luck to her, she sounds driven, like I was at that age.

What a stroke of luck being able to access that accommodation in London though - lots of folk wouldn't be able to do that, so that certainly gave her a little 'step up' advantage there! Luckily I was able to commute from home for my work related summer placement, so felt lucky in that regard, because the pay wouldn't have covered paying out for accommodation. It was worth the experience though.

At 17 I had a part time job where I had to walk 2 miles to the station to get the train to it, was studying for four A Levels, had a hectic social life, was doing work experience with a national broadcaster, was in the school choir , wrote for a music fanzine and did the bulk of the cooking, washing and cleaning at home as my mum died when I was 16 as my dad had his hands full running our farm.

I got three As and a place at a Russell Group university. Looking back I am still not sure how I did it. Teens have a lot of energy I suppose 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for your loss.
(I had a similar scenario losing a parent young, but in my case it was my dad).

We all want our children to succeed in life but we also need to recognise that suceeding comes in many forms.

Big assumption. Have you not read any of the countless threads where people are keeping their kids in toxic environments? Not everyone does the best for their children.

Thanks. It looks tough seen through older eyes but it is surprising how you just get on with stuff as a kid.

Another one that’s sorry to hear that you lost your DM so young and other posters that also lost a parent.

I hope that life has worked out for you and in some way did it motivate you to succeed?