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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in DB/DSIL

36 replies

farmlife11 · 04/02/2024 00:11

My DB/DSIL have form for being incredibly tight with money when buying gifts for my DC whilst expecting far more for their own DC. We each have two DC. Their income far exceeds our's and their outgoings are far less ( we know for a fact as they have told us). Every Christmas and birthday we ask what their DC might like so we do not duplicate etc. We want to buy their DC something that they will like. Their suggestions are about the £25 mark which we are happy to pay. This however, is not reciprocated. It was recently my DDS birthday and tbh, I was disappointed with the gift they bought. It wasn't even age appropriate (think Peppa Pig for a ten year old girl). To add insult to injury, my SIL told us what a bargain this gift was for £4. I was brought up to be grateful for any gift and I have tried to instil this into my own DC but tbh, I am struggling with this one.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/02/2024 00:14

I'd have to challenge this face to face. I don't believe in gratitude when you've had a slap in the face. We've got relatives like yours and we don't do presents anymore because of them.

Workawayxx · 04/02/2024 00:17

I’d stop asking what their dc would like and buy a gift you think they’d like around the £10 mark.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2024 00:19

Accept they go cheap for your kids and carry on as you are, or, just buy £5 gifts for her kids.

OrigamiOwls · 04/02/2024 00:36

Just start buying £5 gifts for her kids.

Nevermind31 · 04/02/2024 00:41

Just say to your brother…. Let’s agree an amount we spend on DC… and then stick with it

GodspeedJune · 04/02/2024 00:44

Yanbu. They sound extremely cheeky. At the sort of price they want to pay it sounds like they’re just buying cheap tat? I’d be tempted to say let’s just stick to cards now. Not great to be exchanging cheap plastic that ends up in landfill.

Original poster
farmlife11 · 04/02/2024 00:46

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2024 00:14

I'd have to challenge this face to face. I don't believe in gratitude when you've had a slap in the face. We've got relatives like yours and we don't do presents anymore because of them.

Thank you! My thoughts exactly. I really want to stop exchanging gifts after this latest kick in the teeth so I think I'll broach the subject once we have completed the cycle of each DC's birthday this year.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/02/2024 00:50

You could suggest you all just give £5/10 in a card for birthday's and Christmas. My DC are all happy to get even a small amount of money in a card.

Delphiniumandlupins · 04/02/2024 02:13

Are their children much younger? Definitely need to agree approximate budgets or offer a list for your DC when requesting theirs.

pikkumyy77 · 04/02/2024 02:18

You should discontinue the thoughtful gifts now, not at the end of this years cycle. Just match the insulting gift with one similarly thoughtless. A thoughtful gift gets a thoughtful one. Bad gift gets 2 bad gifts in a row. Its a method used in game theory.

thebestinterest · 04/02/2024 02:21

Op, no need to broach it. Just don’t ask; give the kids 5g and make sure you buy your DC something nice, always.

Cheeky bastards!

Fraaahnces · 04/02/2024 02:29

I would be returning the favour. Charity shop tat (with lots of glitter)

Passingthethyme · 04/02/2024 02:33

So just stop doing it? Better yet, suggest no gifts and do a family experience together instead with all of the cousins

HalliwellManor · 04/02/2024 02:35

I'd say from now on your children would like money in a card as they want to open their own savings accounts so any birthday or Xmas money they can put in their accounts to save up for something they really want ie an xbox game,garden swing etc.

Mariposistaaa · 04/02/2024 02:43

Stop the gifts.
For each child, both families put 10 in a kitty (so in this case there are 4 kids so there will be 80). Use this money to do an activity, once a year, that the kids mutually agree on (paintballing, lasertag, go-karting, theme park).

Newchapterbeckons · 04/02/2024 04:17

We had this too. CF in general to be honest. Match the cost in terms of price and thought. You are being used.

travelforthesoul · 04/02/2024 05:51

I like the family outing or cash in a card.

Phillipa12 · 04/02/2024 06:05

I have a sil like this. All siblings agree an amount via a what's app group for birthdays and Xmas, we all ask for cash in card and she goes off piste as her DC spotted something that he really wanted to get my DC, which in real terms was cheap and shit. I put my foot down last year and insisted on cash in card, or we would be reciprocating and going off piste too! It really isn't about the amount but when you have 3 aunts one side, that's a potential £30 which can buy 1 nice present or be clubbed together with other birthday money towards a much more expensive item.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2024 06:07

Peppa Pig for a 10 year old. Are their kids younger? Absolutely do not ask for suggestions this year. Buy her kids a big bag of sweets or something second hand on vinted / eBay, which looks almost new or is new.

GreekGod · 04/02/2024 06:09

Same happened to me as a child with my mother’s sister. Just buy cheap gifts for them. They are awful and your child will be affected by this if it doesn’t stop. I’ll never forget as a child when my DM bought a teenage cousin gorgeous gold earrings for Xmas and I got an umbrella from the cousins mother, my aunt. My DM was so upset as was I and let’s just say they were quite shocked at the gifts they got after that when my mother went out of her way to buy cheap gifts for their kids. And that family were far far wealthier than us, and my DF really helped them during difficult times but that’s another post !

Original poster
farmlife11 · 04/02/2024 06:24

@Delphiniumandlupins
@Mummyoflittledragon

No, their children aren't younger than our's. They have one older than mine and one in between.

I know that I have put up with this for way longer than I should have but I always felt that it wasn't their children's fault and.I wanted to get them something that they'd like. Clearly, they don't feel the same.
Thanks for the suggestions. £5 in a card going forward.

OP posts:
crew2022 · 04/02/2024 06:33

Good Op. I can't stand people who take advantage like this. Especially family!

Justfinking · 04/02/2024 07:03

Mariposistaaa · 04/02/2024 02:43

Stop the gifts.
For each child, both families put 10 in a kitty (so in this case there are 4 kids so there will be 80). Use this money to do an activity, once a year, that the kids mutually agree on (paintballing, lasertag, go-karting, theme park).

Fabulous idea! Kids have way too much crap now anyway

maddening · 04/02/2024 07:14

I would suggest - especially at Xmas-.that you will.sort a pressie for your dc and Mark it from them ans they can do the same for their dc and mark it from you - then any tightness is visited back on themselves.

The other alternative is to suggest.a.joint trip as a present for all dc and you ho halves on the cost with them - eg theatre tickets or theme park. Especially good for avoiding tat and an experience as a gift is great imo

Lamelie · 04/02/2024 08:04

Workawayxx · 04/02/2024 00:17

I’d stop asking what their dc would like and buy a gift you think they’d like around the £10 mark.

This! Don’t go looking for drama, token £10 presents ongoing.