Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cleaner anxiety

51 replies

aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:10

Please be kind, I’m not mentally well (getting support) and I tend to over stress over other things people find normal. I don’t want to talk to anyone in RL as to them it would appear a non-issue:

I’ve hired a cleaner and she hasn’t been yet. She’s been recommended by some school mums. My anxiety is I will (or DH will) have to pick her up from the station every time and drop her back off I feel this will really impact our weekends as we can’t really do much (I know I should have thought about this before but I didn’t know till I phoned her to arrange an initial appointment). Secondly as I work all week it looks like she will have to come weekends which is going to really impact the family time we have together plus really make it awkward for everyone whilst she’s here. Husband works away during the week so it’s only really Saturdays we have together as a family (the day she will come), Sundays husband usually goes to him mums and takes the kids and I’m home alone but I can’t have her here then as I will have no car.

im feeling so stressed.

OP posts:
Ducksinthebath · 03/02/2024 08:13

Why can’t she come during the week when you’re working? That’s what most do. I’ve also never heard of a cleaner being picked up. They arrive under their own steam.

AffIt · 03/02/2024 08:13

Realistically, I don't think this arrangement is going to work for any of you (I don't think it's very common for domestic cleaners to work weekends, in my experience), so it would be best to call her, explain that you have had a rethink, wish her all the best and move on.

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:14

She doesn’t drive, the station is very far from the house if you walk it but 10 minutes in the car. Where we live it’s white remote no public transport

OP posts:
FastandLoose · 03/02/2024 08:15

This does not sound like a good arrangement. Spending your day off together collecting a cleaner from the station and then having to avoid them cleaning sounds awful. Find a cleaner who can arrive before you leave for work if you’re not happy to give them a key.

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:16

Should I at least let her do the trial/initial session today? This way she won’t lose money. We haven’t discussed a regular slot or frequency yet today is just the initial one.

tbf every cleaner I’ve enquired about says I need to pick them up from station.

OP posts:
NaughtPoppy · 03/02/2024 08:16

This arrangement won’t work, cancel and find a new cleaner.

FastandLoose · 03/02/2024 08:17

Yes, I’d let her do today.

Surely there must be a cleaner with a car somewhere!

mynameiscalypso · 03/02/2024 08:18

Our cleaner comes while I'm working from home. I just work around her. It's no big deal. But I also agree that there must be a cleaner somewhere with a car especially if you leave rurally.

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:18

I thought a cleaner would reduce my anxiety! I initially thought she could come Mondays 5-8 and it wouldn’t impact us so much as husband would be in work/away. I could navigate the kids to be either doing homework or having dinner and bathing them before she got there etc. but the fact I have to pick up n drop off means only weekends as they are in bed by 7pm so I can’t leave them alone whilst I go dropping her off

OP posts:
sunlovingcriminal · 03/02/2024 08:19

It doesn't sound sustainable. I've had a few cleaners over the years and they've all had their own car.

Is there a village shop where you could put a card in the window saying "cleaner required, must have references and own transport"?

daisychain01 · 03/02/2024 08:20

aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:16

Should I at least let her do the trial/initial session today? This way she won’t lose money. We haven’t discussed a regular slot or frequency yet today is just the initial one.

tbf every cleaner I’ve enquired about says I need to pick them up from station.

Your anxiety is showing through here, remember you are the paying customer:

  1. You have no obligation to give the cleaner lifts
  2. you shouldn't be forced into accepting her to clean at the weekend
  3. you have no obligation to worry about her wages, losing them etc.
I would get your DH to say to her thank you very much, we have decided not to take up the arrangement for you to do our cleaning. All the best for the future.

in the futur, you need to find a cleaner who has their own transport and they need to clean on a weekday.

no explanation needed to the current candidate, it just doesn't work for you,

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:20

Also my third anxiety is as the school mum who recommended her to me (I don’t know her well just passing hi and bye) they might talk bad about me thst I let the poor lady down.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 03/02/2024 08:21

Cleaners are supposed to make your life easier not more complicated.
Let her do today as a trial & then look for someone who can clean whilst your working - unless you wfh ?

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 08:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:22

Thank you all so much! You have no idea how much you have helped me. I felt it was all in my head and I’m making excuses.

OP posts:
tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 08:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

ohdamnitjanet · 03/02/2024 08:22

aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:16

Should I at least let her do the trial/initial session today? This way she won’t lose money. We haven’t discussed a regular slot or frequency yet today is just the initial one.

tbf every cleaner I’ve enquired about says I need to pick them up from station.

I would cancel but pay her for today. It would be better to use a company with transport, rather than an individual cleaner. I’d rather do my own cleaning than be tied to picking up and dropping off, that’s so inconvenient to not be worth it. I used to clean and would never have dreamt of accepting work I couldn’t get to.

CurlewKate · 03/02/2024 08:22

Honestly? This isn't going to work. If I were you, I would message her to say that you've thought about it and decided it won't work. Pay her for one session and put it behind you. There are cleaning companies that do domestic cleaning-contact one of them. It's the least stressful way- you just let them get on with it, they always come when they say, you don't have to worry about insurance or anything like that.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 08:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:22

*quite remote not white remote lol

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 03/02/2024 08:23

Find a cleaner with a car, and give them a key

Who cares what “school mum” has to say? Why are you letting her gossiping (which hasn’t happened) dictate your weekend ?

YukoandHiro · 03/02/2024 08:24

This anxiety isn't unfounded - it's not a good solution. Call her and say after consideration it won't work and find a cleaner with their own transport who can come during the week while you're out of the house.

Ofcourseshecan · 03/02/2024 08:25

ohdamnitjanet · 03/02/2024 08:22

I would cancel but pay her for today. It would be better to use a company with transport, rather than an individual cleaner. I’d rather do my own cleaning than be tied to picking up and dropping off, that’s so inconvenient to not be worth it. I used to clean and would never have dreamt of accepting work I couldn’t get to.

Show quote history

This.

daisychain01 · 03/02/2024 08:26

aaaaabbb · 03/02/2024 08:20

Also my third anxiety is as the school mum who recommended her to me (I don’t know her well just passing hi and bye) they might talk bad about me thst I let the poor lady down.

4- you have no obligation to please a school mum who you don't even know and you'll never find out her opinion of you anyway.

i can recommend cognitive behavioural therapy as a way of reconciling all these anxieties in your head that aren't reality. I know it can be overwhelming when you think things through too much, but there are ways to stop rumination in its tracks. Been there, done that! x

Wasbedeudetetdas · 03/02/2024 08:26

Cancel her for today, explaining politely why the situation isn't workable for you long term, with regard to the lifts etc.
Offer to pay her for the hours she would have spent cleaning today.
Find a cleaner who drives.