DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

🙄

Isn’t it depressing that a split judgement of character can be made by bigots so keen to virtue signal their prophecy.

It has though!

It would be a no from me!

@MasterBeth I'm not sure that a person should feel deterred from doing what they want (and what is legal ) in their own garden, because someone else might feel uncomfortable. He's not causing harm to anyone.
It's not a right to go through life never seeing or hearing things that we personally dislike/find offensive or uncomfortable. And we all find different things uncomfortable, so where does that end up leading?
Obviously if someone was using the display of their flag as part of a wider set of behaviours to deliberately intimidate or harass their neighbours, that would be different. But just wanting it because he likes it, that's fair enough - it is his house.

Couple of houses opposite have them. They change the flags around fairly regularly. Quite coincidentally one flies a pink happy birthday one on my birthday, blue on other days, the other has a Welsh flag when Wales are playing and an England one if there is any England match. One has a Spanish DIL so Spanish flag gets flown as well. It’s quite fun.
there’s even been an article in the Village magazine about some of the more unusual flags that they fly.

Yes, absolutely. The irony is off the scale.

Don't you be coming on here with your common sense approach. 😂

Genuine question - do you object to the pole itself or the flag upon it? Do you feel the same about a flagpole flying a flag which chimes with your personal politics, whatever they may be?

I live in NI
When I was young I bought a house in East Belfast (a mostly Protestant area). I was buying in the summer and spent weeks driving up ans down all the roads of terrace houses looking for ones that were NOT decorated for the 12th July... usually hung with flags and banners and red, white and blue bunting.

I'd done my research, found a great area, NO FLEGS lovely house and moved in.

The next May I came home from work to find several large men in the street who had attached a flag pole to my house and lo and behold I was now the proud flyer of a massive Union Jack.
These were not the type of men you could ask to take the flag away.

So until I moved out 6 years later I had a union jack flapping outside my bedroom window for the majority of the year. Sometimes they came and took it away, sometimes they didn't...and I was not going to touch their property even if it was attached to MY HOUSE.

So OP you have the option, but they are very loud in the wind. And I really dislike flags that try and represent a political opinion....but that's probably a NI thing.

No! Tacky AF!

Both the pole and the flag, whatever flag it is. It’s not a political thing, it just seems like a very pompous thing to have / do on a normal house. I’d assume the person/people are very self important with over the top, tacky taste.

That’s quite a deep read into “flag poles are tacky”. I’m not sure it’s a bigoted opinion or virtue signally to say that flagpoles look stupid on normal houses.

If my neighbour did this I would absolutely hate it but not say anything.

That says more about you than the flag-flyer.

This thread is more interesting than expected.

Unfortunately flag are far more about national pride in some cases and have become very divisive.

Part of me things, that I'd never want to dance on my OHs dreams and I suppose if it's away of the judgment and divisiveness that comes with it and it ok with that then why not?

However, I think I would first be encouraging his flag interest away from my home.

I would be asking if he is dreaming big enough? 🤣

Perhaps there's a Civil Hall or historical society that he could get involved with?

Maybe he could be the maintenence guy for many flags rather than just limiting himself to just one in your garden.

I definitely think he should explore this - no point in having small dreams, he needs to go all in...at a distance.😁

Showed this thread to my American husband and he would like to 'buy the poor guy a flag pole'.

I think we are the only country that's embarrassed to have national pride.

That is a fantastically NI story! 😂

How enlightened. Such broad-mindedness. Such tolerance!

Different country, different politics, different associations.

If I looked at house for sale and the neighbours had a flagpole, I wouldn't buy it.

My reasons?

1. They might have something to express that they can't say with their words. It might be that what they want to say is something unspeakable (racists, bigots etc), It might be an ego or attention seeking thing.

2. I would also worry that they have poor judgment. After all, a flag is appropriate on a castle or a public building. But not appropriate to the average suburban semi detached house.

3. I think they were probably a bit selfish because most people would think twice about imposing something on to the eyeline of their neighbours. I would also be concerned they might have ceremonies with brass instruments to lower the flag each evening, which although funny the first time would probably become irritating through the years.

@ArchetypalBusyMum

Yes, obviously I'm drawing a comparison. It's a shame that the British people would be embarrassed to fly a flag and I think that status quo should change.

On the whole I find assumptions best avoided, but that seems a heck of a one to make

Sadly racists certainly exist, and some of them will no doubt fly UK flags, but do you find it wise to generalise like this?

Just let him have it if he wants it. It's not that usual in England. It's more usual in Wales I think. The Welsh flag doesn't offend people. Rather unfortunately, the English flag has associations with extremists. The union jack less so, but since we have just brexited, people might suppose that you voted for that and that might aggravate them. Or they might assume you don't like immigrants.

I mean a normal person would just drive/wander on by and might have some idle musings, but nothing more. But people can be difficult these days.

What a wonderful idea!

I haven’t read any of the thread but I’m with your DH and can’t see why you wouldn’t agree to something so simple, that would make him so happy

@Puzzledandpissedoff I'm OK with my generalization. If op is worried about the potential for negative connotations by having a union jack flag up all year round, she could ask on the black and other ethnic minority pages on MN.