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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A blank "NO" is just so rude?

46 replies

ClaireParrot · 02/02/2024 23:49

My kid asked for dads for help from another room. He just gave a blank "NO" without any explanation. AIBU to find it so rude and mean.
Kid was building a complicated lego kit. Its a mega build, combined xmas and birthday money. So excited! Wouldn't wait until tomorrow to get started. Says doesn't need any help, but of course its not true.
I was sat with Dad watching crap TV. Every few mins, we'd get an update or visit to tell us the latest, so I went to sit in the same room, helping when needed And just sharing the excitement. A couple of times we were both lost so I asked Dad to come and help. He did so slowly and reluctantly. Third time, we get a blank "No".
When I went in Dad was laid down, looking tired. But why not say I'm tired? I just think its so rude to say "NO" to a kid who asked nicely and is doing something exciting and productive rather than gaming for a change, that he also finds annoying.

OP posts:
Dotchange · 02/02/2024 23:51

Your dad or your child’s dad?

Dogdilemma2000 · 02/02/2024 23:52

Flies in the face of the mumsnet slogan “no is a complete sentence” doesn’t it.

Your DH is being a happiness Dyson.

Isthisexpected · 02/02/2024 23:53

I agree. I think No in that context is quite clear to a child though - no I can't be bothered. Sad.

Catsmere · 02/02/2024 23:54

Is he often like this? Does he spend time playing with the (presumably his) child? Was he very tired because of something else, or just not interested? But yes, I agree that was rude, whatever the reason or his general behaviour.

BarelyLiterate · 02/02/2024 23:55

'No' is the best & most useful word in the English language. I use it all the time, it's amazing how effective it can be in all manner of situations. People should use it more.

pootlin · 03/02/2024 00:33

Is it your dad or kids’ dad?

Boobettes · 03/02/2024 00:38

I mean it's a bit blunt but I'd be a bit pissed off too if my child wouldn't wait until tomorrow, insisted they didn't need my help, my partner was helping them anyway and then I was called to help twice.

The third time would be a no from me also, although I might not be as blunt but who knows if I was totally pissed off, I might be.

SaunteringOnBy · 03/02/2024 00:42

No

Flufferblub · 03/02/2024 00:56

Ah that's a shame. My favourite thing about Lego builds is organising the pieces. I'm not an organised person at all, but I find it therapeutic to arrange the pieces by type and colour in little rows on a tray. That's my contribution to the Lego build. When my DC ask for a piece they need, I can find it quickly. I can eventually walk away and leave them to it, confident in the knowledge that I helped. I'm crap at the actual building/assembling part.

RogueFemale · 03/02/2024 00:58

I can completely understand not being excited about complicated Lego. Dad helped twice, - probably couldn't understand the complicated Lego - then couldn't face it a third time. Was tired. Said no.

Original poster
ClaireParrot · 03/02/2024 00:59

He is the kids dad. The No I can't be bothered post has nailed his attitude.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 03/02/2024 01:06

ClaireParrot · 03/02/2024 00:59

He is the kids dad. The No I can't be bothered post has nailed his attitude.

Not necessarily.

He tried to help twice (albeit reluctantly). But probably knowing that complicated Lego isn't his area of skill.

Not perfect Dad behaviour but nobody is perfect. He might be wonderful in non-Lego life skills.

5foot5 · 03/02/2024 01:15

A couple of times we were both lost so I asked Dad to come and help. He did so slowly and reluctantly. Third time, we get a blank "No".

Oh come on! The instructions with Lego are usually brilliant. How could you, as an adult, be so lost that you felt you needed to call your DH in? And how could he resist joining in?

Just reread your OP and realise you haven't indicated whether this is DS or DD. I suppose it doesn't matter really but if DD definitely try to do it without dad's help. Positive role models and all that.

I remember when DD was quite young there was a part work called Real Robots where you got to build this robot in fortnightly instalments. She and I did this for months. DH would have loved to join in but, bless him, he didn't because he knew I wanted to give DD the idea that this kind of science project was something girls could do, or girls could do with their mums. Dad's don't have to be involved.

homezookeeper · 03/02/2024 02:11

How old is the kid and what time did they ask for help? You posted at 23:49pm. I'd be annoyed if a kid who was old enough to figure it out from the instructions had asked for help at that time of night. Age dependent, they should be in bed. Adults need their own time too. Presumably after working all week and it was potentially very late on a Friday night.

pikkumyy77 · 03/02/2024 02:17

A flat “no” is rude. It is important to model good behavior by exhibiting it yourself. The kid’s father could have said “no, I am having some time to myself now. Ive helped enough.” He doesn’t have to help but he doesn’t have to be rude either.

LE987 · 03/02/2024 02:57

Are you upset at him for being ‘rude’ by saying no without further explanation or are you just upset that he said no?

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/02/2024 02:58

Ah so one of those dads (yes yes but lets face it, it usually is men) who agree that screen time, gaming etc is a bad thing and the kids should do something else, but ONLY if it doesnt involve him actually doing anything himself.

The sort of father who thinks that paying the bills and taking them the to odd soft play party counts as "hands on parenting" and resents anything more than that.

Whole generations of us grew up with fathers like that, and those fathers were later baffled as to why their kids didnt feel a desperate urge to entertain them in their older lonlier years.......

WindyDock · 03/02/2024 05:58

But your son already had you in the room helping him. Why did he need his dad too?

VisionsOfSplendour · 03/02/2024 06:09

WindyDock · 03/02/2024 05:58

But your son already had you in the room helping him. Why did he need his dad too?

Maybe because the OP isn't supewoman and needs the help of another person, what's wrong with that?

Have you never come across something you can't do, I fi nd that a little hard to believe

It's really rude to answer no in that way, as an adult he would have explained that he was tired or whatever the reason wqs

WindyDock · 03/02/2024 07:01

😂 it’s only Lego.

ChristmasFluff · 03/02/2024 07:27

This is one of those cases where no-one outside of the relationship can give you an answer really, because if my ex-husband had done that, I'd have immediately known he was at the end of his tether and needed to relax and do what he wanted, because it would have been so out of character.

Whereas the abusive ex? Just another way he'd have been being a cunt.

Coconutter24 · 03/02/2024 07:41

Don’t we always read on here “no” is a full sentence. Sounds like YABU, dad came to help a couple of times then said no. You say he was tired but why does he have to explain he doesn’t want to? A no is easy for anyone to understand in this case he doesn’t need to explain himself.

Vinrouge4 · 03/02/2024 08:11

I can’t think of anything more annoying than trying to watch tv and relaxing and constantly being called in to help with Lego.

colourfulchinadolls · 03/02/2024 09:22

Your child isn't the centre of the universe OP. Why should your dp keep helping when your son promised help wouldn't be needed and was doing the Lego when clearly your Dp wanted to relax. He had two choices, do it on his own in the evening without help or wait till today and presumably your DP would be more inclined to help. YABU.

Doppelgangers · 03/02/2024 09:26

I think after the third time I would have given a flat no too. Sometimes it's ok for a child to hear the word no.