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AIBU?

Neighbour taking advantage

36 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/02/2024 18:29

Hi ladies
Recently moved after a DV relationship.
Offered new neighbour a lift go shopping once, now they're demanding when to go.Mainly when it suits them, no offer of help towards petrol etc, as I'm going anyway.
I have family, dogs and horses to care for.
Plus I have a health condition which can floor me at times.
I know NO is the easiest word but it's getting me down..Due to location of rural properties they know my comings and goings.

How to handle this without falling out?
My daughter, is furious, say's mum I'll shop for you or do online.
Don't want a fall out with neighbours.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

151 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
15%
You are NOT being unreasonable
85%
User373433 · 02/02/2024 18:36

If you really feel you can't say no, can you break the cycle by doing online shopping for a while, taking your daughter up on her offer, and also saying you have to go straight to school runs/horses or whatever?

Gobimanchurian · 02/02/2024 18:36

Just text to say 'sorry I'm not able to commit to supermarket lifts any more as I need the flexibility to go when it suits me without having to prearrange and plan. Hope you get sorted, see you soon'

underneaththeash · 02/02/2024 18:38

I wouldn't reply and then if they chase say that you're sorry you didn't get back to them, but you're not able to take them at the moment.
(Don't make an excuse or lie)

Malariahilaria · 02/02/2024 18:42

Agree with pp. "Sorry but I've switched to online delivery so no longer going to supermarkets, cheers"

NotQuiteNorma · 02/02/2024 18:46

How have you got from one offer to them demanding it?

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/02/2024 18:47

Thank you all, some good ideas here. I'll help anyone out, if I can but feel I'm just getting pissed on at the moment.

OP posts:
Valid8me · 02/02/2024 18:50

Sorry but I've voted YABU because I just don't understand why you can't say no and are continuing to let a new neighbour walk all over you. The longer it continues, the harder it will be to stop it.

CatchAButterfly · 02/02/2024 18:51

You can always not tell her where you’re going, or make up an excuse. Going to see a friend, going for a meal, etc, and then you just happened to pop to the shops after.

Mossstitch · 02/02/2024 18:59

I'd be careful how you say your doing online shopping or the next thing is they will be givng you a list to add to your shop to save them the delivery cost! (met this type before)

pinkyredrose · 02/02/2024 19:01

You're fresh out of one abusive relationship, you need to heal not end up in another abusive (albeit less so) relationship.

How did they do their shopping before you arrived?

coldcallerbaiter · 02/02/2024 19:02

Tell them when you are going and they can tag along. If they give you a demand, just say no you only go when it is scheduled in your timetable, if they ask why, you are not busy, explain that on principle It is your car and your decision, you do not jump up when they say so, plus you would appreciate petrol money.

Gizlotsmum · 02/02/2024 19:03

Yep get online for a while or get your daughter to take you until you feel able to say no!

Motnight · 02/02/2024 19:04

Gizlotsmum · 02/02/2024 19:03

Yep get online for a while or get your daughter to take you until you feel able to say no!

I would do this!

coldcallerbaiter · 02/02/2024 19:05

Malariahilaria · 02/02/2024 18:42

Agree with pp. "Sorry but I've switched to online delivery so no longer going to supermarkets, cheers"

They will see her unpacking bags from car.

Best be honest, I go when it suits me, not others. I will let you know the next time I go. I will text you.

brassbells · 02/02/2024 19:11

I agree get your DD to do the online shop for you

Otherwise she will get you to get her stuff as well

Or even better IMHO just go on your way home from visiting your DD or your horses or wherever else you go to during the week

No need to lie or anything just say oh it's ok I have already been this week

CherryBlossom321 · 02/02/2024 19:14

“Hi neighbour, there’s seems to be a misunderstanding between us. When I offered that time to take you shopping, my offer was only for that day. I wasn’t, nor can I, make it a regular commitment. Have a lovely day, see you later!”

Knickersinatwist36 · 02/02/2024 19:14

I imagine there is someone in the village that is extremely relieved you are doing it now. As it is a new thing you can say no. Otherwise you will be doing it for years.

I spent my entire life putting myself last and going above and beyond for everyone else until someone tried to take advantage to such an extent it would have been detrimental to myself and my daughter (and they framed it as a real treat for both of us). I said I'm sorry I can't do that, no explanation and no matter what she said I said no. She was really taken aback and it didn't go ahead. It has given me confidence to say more (I'm still not great but I'm much better)

I think you have enough on your plate to gently say no. Don't feel guilty, the neighbour clearly didn't think about maintaining a great relationship when they started presuming and pressuring you into going so perhaps regarding them as an arms length acquaintance might be better going forward.

Good luck

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/02/2024 19:26

@Mossstitch Exactly

OP posts:
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/02/2024 19:36

Thanks to everyone who's responded.
Will take it all onboard.
I shop when it suits, between family and animals.
Too knackered to even wash hair tonight, thank goodness for dry shampoo
Have sent a message saying I'm no longer at their, beck and call but worded more nicely, awaiting reply.
Hate when people take advantage of a soft touch (me)

OP posts:
Knickersinatwist36 · 02/02/2024 19:36

Well done, don't think about it any more 😃

Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 02/02/2024 19:41

Well done, remember, you don't have to explain. Always nice to be nice where possible, but you don't have to get into the whys and what-abouts.

echt · 02/02/2024 19:48

Well done you. And if they get the arse/push back, it's confirmation they weren't nice people anyway.

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/02/2024 19:58

Neighbour not happy I'm not longer a free taxi service for their convenience.
Hay ho, life goes on.

OP posts:
Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 02/02/2024 20:06

They'll get over it!
Stand firm and don't be apologetic. Sounds like you have been lovely.

Beepboops · 02/02/2024 20:08

What did they say?

Well done for standing up for yourself OP

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