Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that just because you're a sahm, you're not automatically your dp's PA and in charge of all post?

31 replies

Boco · 21/03/2008 09:27

Because I got woken up this morning being ranted at because he hadn't been through his pile of post, that I always leave in the same place, in a pile, and he hadn't opened his student loan letter so hadn't deferred in time and can't afford to start payments and it is MY fault because I should go through the post and I should have sorted out a system of in and out trays and then this would never have happened.

AIBU? Maybe I am, should sahms deal with ALL paperwork regardless of who it's for.

Do you have an in tray??

I work from home in a sometimes a bit vague sort of way, but was still working until 12.30 last night and am ranting because I'm tired and don't like being woken up with crossness. So, if you tell me I'm being unreasonable I might come to your house and cry on your doorstep. OK?

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 21/03/2008 09:28

he is being totally unreasonable. his post, his problem. end of. tell him to bugger off. oh, & wake him up by shouting tomorrow....

foofi · 21/03/2008 09:28

I'm definitely my dh's PA and always open his post (I work part time so I'm kind of a SAHM)

WombFor1More · 21/03/2008 09:29

Definately NOT unreasonable!!

Dp seems to think I too am his PA and many a time have we been here.......Go and eat an easter egg, always cheers me up

constancereader · 21/03/2008 09:31

YANBU

I am a SAHM but we do our own post. Agree with hoxtonchick - his post, his problem.

belgo · 21/03/2008 09:31

I don't open any of the post. Certainly not the bills. Only open the Christmas and birthday cards, although dd1 is taking that job off my hands.

But I do put the rubbish bins out.

peanutbear · 21/03/2008 09:31

I open it but never pay it !!!! we have an intray of sorts but that means he would have had to actually look at it or do you put post its round the house saying please defer loan, please pay the car tax, your mother phoned !!!!!!

Its the first thing DH does when he comes home - he is away for 2 weeks at a time sometimes but he always moans about the fact I should have phoned them or done this !!!!

It doesnt occur to him that some people eg bank wont actually talk to me

Janni · 21/03/2008 09:32

He's furious and you're the nearest whipping boy. Does he GENUINELY want you to open his letters? I put DHs post in a pile where he can see it and it's his job to deal with it or to ask me to file bits and pieces.

As for waking you up by shouting at you - no way!

Original poster
Boco · 21/03/2008 09:39

I pointed out to him that he'd be really cross if I did actually open any of his post. He wants me to be able to tell what it is without opening it, and as he comes in, suggest that he opens this and deals with it. Rather than simply leave it on a pile of post.

I find it hard enough to get my own stuff sorted, he's having a larf if he thinks I can also keep on top of all his. But it's easier to blame someone else isn't it.

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 21/03/2008 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsTittleMouse · 21/03/2008 09:45

I am DH's PA (I'm a SAHM). But then, it's something that I enjoy doing, and he doesn't mind me opening his post. We agreed a long time ago that I would handle it (I did it even when I worked and I deal with all our finances too). Your DH feels guilty and angry with himself and he's looking for the nearest scape goat and it's you. YANBU.

Quattrocento · 21/03/2008 09:51

YANBU. I do so hate it when men carry on like spoiled children. DH doesn't do this very often but last time he did I looked him in the eye, told him he was being tired and unreasonable and that what I do with the children when they are being tired and unreasonable is send them to bed, and if I heard one more peep from him he would have to go to bed like them ...

Strangely enough it worked

Original poster
Boco · 21/03/2008 09:56

Blimey. I think if I said to dp 'if i hear one more peep out of you i'll send you to bed' he'd probably explode. Unless it was low key moaning rather than frothy ranting.

OP posts:
BBBee · 21/03/2008 09:59

say in a calm way "I know you are cross but you must know that this isn't actually my fault don't you."

then do a shurg and look out the window and then go and wipe some surfaces and hum an 80s happy tune like 99 red balloons.

Original poster
Boco · 21/03/2008 10:02

I was FAST asleep at the time, which is why I'm so grumpy about it. I mean I'd be a bit fed up anyway, but it was 7 this morning and I was asleep it took me ages to understand what crime this was and what I'd done that was so bad. And then he got into bed and glared, and I came downstairs to pick up strewn post while he fell asleep.

Grrrrrr

OP posts:
Original poster
Boco · 21/03/2008 10:03

I mean, an in tray ffs.

OP posts:
kerryk · 21/03/2008 10:16

i dont think my dh knows how to open a letter. usually it does not bother me because at least i know what comes through the door and when it needs paid etc.

we got confirmation through about our holiday a few weks ago though, was very obvious what it was and dh waited till i was in before opening it i would have been to excited to leave it.

waffletrees · 21/03/2008 10:20

I do all the post and organise payment - DH is useless on this front and if I left it to him I think we would probably have the bailiffs at our front door. YANBU - it gets on my wick bigstyle.

bohemianbint · 21/03/2008 10:23

If anyone wakes me up without extremely good cause (and I mean literally, life or death) I become a psychotic harpy. If DP did it about his sodding post I would kill him. IMO opening other people's post is an invasion of privacy - perhaps you could aquiesce, start opening all his post, maybe discuss it all in public or in front of his parents, and generally not respect his privacy in any way at all for a week, see if he likes that...

barbamama · 21/03/2008 10:25

I work and am still expected to do this! They are crap with post.

VictorianPASqualor · 21/03/2008 10:25

lol @ an in tray.

When the post comes I open mine, DP normally calls me at lunch and I'll tell him he has post, he'll either say he'll open it when he gets home or ask me to open it then.

It's then down to him to deal with it, not me.

barbamama · 21/03/2008 10:28

Not expected if you know what I meas but if I didn't they would never get opened, processed, envelopes recycled, filed. It's not a difficult sequence but utterly beyond him. If I leave it we end up with piles of half opened enevlopes all over the place. If it is anything I really want him to see (in our house that means car-related, can't do everything) I leave it face up on the toilet floor as I know he will be in there sitting down with no excuses shortly!

madamez · 21/03/2008 10:28

Boco, is he in the habit of waking you to shout at you? Because that's Not Good. If it was a one-off piece of crap behaviour because he's tired and stressed, and if he apologises, then don;t worry about it (and maybe agree between you who opens whose post in future) but if he is regularly treating you as a minion who should be efficient and obedient to avoid punishment, then you and him need to have a serious talk.

pistachio · 21/03/2008 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fircone · 21/03/2008 10:29

I don't let dh near the post - he'd chuck anything important in the bin, such as bills and bank statements. And then he'd respond to all the special offers and buy timeshares, CD sets, property bonds, weird clothes...

Remember that in a company the REAL power is wielded by the PA. And the janitor. And the canteen. I am all three.

Anna8888 · 21/03/2008 10:31

His post, his problem.

I open post addressed to me, or to both of us. I completely ignore post addressed to him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread