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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be cross that my daughter is on the SEND Register and nobody told me?!

29 replies

Sendquery · 02/02/2024 14:43

Just found out today that my daughter is on the SEND Register and nobody told me from the school. It sounds like she’s been on it for a couple of years but I’ve requested a meeting with the Head to discuss. Shouldn’t I have been told?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 02/02/2024 14:47

Do you think she should be on it or it's a mistake?
It could have easily been a wrong button pressed on a computer screen.
Just go to the meeting and find out what's happened.

sprigatito · 02/02/2024 14:47

That is (speaking as a primary teacher and an SEN mum) fucking diabolical.

You need a meeting with the Head and the Senco. Make notes both beforehand and during; keep records of all correspondence from now on. If this is the school's culture/level of competence, you're in for a rough ride and you'll need to be organised and assertive.

You need to know how and why this happened, what the putative SEN is, what the school has done to arrange proper assessment and what support your dd might be entitled to.

CremeEggThief · 02/02/2024 14:48

I don't really understand how you weren't informed before now, to be fair, BUT isn't the most important thing it means hopefully your DD was getting some extra support with her work?

Singleandproud · 02/02/2024 14:48

The SEND register is mostly for admin for the school and makes it easier for staff to identify children who need some extra help. It could be for a medical reason like hearing impairment, speech and language, mobility needs, learning needs or other disability

Why are you angry? It doesn't put a mark against your DCs name it's there to help but if you really don't want her to be on there or receive additional help just ask them to remove her. Has she ever had any sort of therapy like Speech and Language?

givemushypeasachance · 02/02/2024 14:49

It wouldn't be mandatory to, as in it's not governed by law or anything that says if a child is added to the list the parent must be told before that happens. And SEN lists are dynamic, children are often added then removed over time. But it would be very unusual for it to happen and a parent not be told - has the topic never come up in parents evenings or other contact with her teachers, about how she's doing at school? Since if they think she has additional educational needs, they'd usually want to discuss what they're doing to support her.

Nannyogg134 · 02/02/2024 14:52

I'd see what's happened before you get too mad with them- it could have been an admin error (staff are not robots), or there could be another reason. e.g., my DD had some speech therapy in reception, then we found out in Year 4 she was still marked as SEND support due to SPL needs. Turned out they'd added her due to the speech therapy and she was never taken off, easily solved with a quick conversation.

MBappse · 02/02/2024 14:52

I would expect that as a child on the send register, good practice is that the parent should

  1. Know and sign off on the support targets, usually 2 x per year.
  1. Have extra time at parents eve, or special.SEN parents eve with SENCO
Original poster
Sendquery · 02/02/2024 14:55

thank you all. Im shocked because I only found out in passing, and she has no special educational needs. Indeed the last parents’ evening the teacher said she was exceeding academically and socially. If the school has identified she needs extra support shouldn’t I have been informed? I just don’t understand how this happened without my knowledge. Shouldn’t there be an action plan or something? And if parental consent isn’t required isn’t there a duty to inform the parents? Thank you all - I will go armed with questions to the meeting. Is there anything I should specifically ask?

OP posts:
Megifer · 02/02/2024 14:56

Same thing has happened to me very recently op and I'm really angry, no comms, no concerns ever raised, and now I can't even get hold of the SENCO to discuss they aren't bothering to call me or return emails, ive even been to the school 3 times to get told they are in a meeting and meanwhile my DC gets hauled off to different lessons and neither of us have any clue why. It's really distressing not having any idea what their suspicions are 😔

SBHon · 02/02/2024 15:00

Megifer · 02/02/2024 14:56

Same thing has happened to me very recently op and I'm really angry, no comms, no concerns ever raised, and now I can't even get hold of the SENCO to discuss they aren't bothering to call me or return emails, ive even been to the school 3 times to get told they are in a meeting and meanwhile my DC gets hauled off to different lessons and neither of us have any clue why. It's really distressing not having any idea what their suspicions are 😔

Have you escalated to the Head (or even Govs)? If you’ve been trying for long time to get a response then I would.

There’s no point turning up in person to try and get a meeting there and then, but they definitely should be setting up a meeting with you for the future if you’re requesting it.

x2boys · 02/02/2024 15:00

It doesn't have to be a,massive deal my non academic son struggled at primary achool! And got some additional help with reading / writing ,maths so was on the SEN register
Jus ask them why.

meatyryvita · 02/02/2024 15:01

I had the very same with BOTH of my kids at their primary school. It was an utter shambles. I only found out when they were both at senior school and was emailed by the SEND coordinator who said that they'd been advised by the primary school - absolutely no interaction with the primary school SEND at all - no emails, documents, calls, nothing.

Original poster
Sendquery · 02/02/2024 15:02

Just to be clear - I don’t think negatively about the SEND Register itself. It’s the fact that my child is on there and I haven’t been told, and I don’t know why. I think I should have been informed at least?

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 02/02/2024 15:05

Has she ever had any interaction with support even in early years? Speech and language, occ health, any input from clinicians for sensory organs like her eyes or ears? Does she have asthma or any other health condition - often listed on a separate health register but could be together.

It's not unusual for a child to go on the list and then remain on it. Working at a secondary school we would go through the new year 7 lists that came up from primary and often parents were surprised their child was on a list because they had once had some speech therapy as a 5 year old.

Megifer · 02/02/2024 15:06

SBHon · 02/02/2024 15:00

Have you escalated to the Head (or even Govs)? If you’ve been trying for long time to get a response then I would.

There’s no point turning up in person to try and get a meeting there and then, but they definitely should be setting up a meeting with you for the future if you’re requesting it.

Show quote history

That's next as it was only a few weeks ago I found out.

Tbf I didn't want a meeting there and then I just wanted to ask when they'd be free for a chat 😩 last time I even put that on a note because I didn't want her to think I was moaning about something

Shinyandnew1 · 02/02/2024 15:06

How did you find out?
What is she on the SEN for-which area of need?

Jules912 · 02/02/2024 15:09

I'm pretty sure I had to agree for DD to go on the send register (as I was surprised she wasn't already as she'd been struggling a while when I got a meeting with the senco) and I get targets and stuff for her every term.

Needmorelego · 02/02/2024 15:09

@Sendquery from what you have said it sounds like an error. They probably haven't told you because she's not needed any extra support/special lessons etc but for some reason there's a tick next to her name - so there wasn't actually anything to inform you about.
Don't go into the meeting stroppy. Because school staff really don't need that.

sprigatito · 02/02/2024 15:13

Sendquery · 02/02/2024 14:55

thank you all. Im shocked because I only found out in passing, and she has no special educational needs. Indeed the last parents’ evening the teacher said she was exceeding academically and socially. If the school has identified she needs extra support shouldn’t I have been informed? I just don’t understand how this happened without my knowledge. Shouldn’t there be an action plan or something? And if parental consent isn’t required isn’t there a duty to inform the parents? Thank you all - I will go armed with questions to the meeting. Is there anything I should specifically ask?

I would ask:

When was she added to the register, who instigated it and what concerns precipitated it

Why were you not informed of either the concerns or the decision to add her to the register

What SEN are suspected and why

What steps have the school taken to have her properly assessed for these SEN, and what plan is in place to support her needs

If not (eg no assessment, no IEP, no written plan) then why not

What is the school's policy on communication with parents about SEN or concerns, and why wasn't it followed.

Then move onto what they are going to do going forward. Don't leave the meeting without a commitment to a) assessment for additional needs, b) an IEP or a plan to create one, and c) concrete assurances for you to be regularly updated and kept informed. Make notes of all this and send them to the Head/HOY/Senco after the meeting so everyone knows it's all in writing.

Soontobe60 · 02/02/2024 15:13

How do you know she’s on?

Bluevelvetsofa · 02/02/2024 16:39

It certainly seems like an error of some sort, so ask for a meeting so you can clarify the circumstances. Then you’ll be in possession of the facts and can complain if necessary.

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 02/02/2024 16:40

With our school you have to sign a document to say that your child can go on the SEN register

Spirallingdownwards · 02/02/2024 16:50

Although not on the register when my son started new primary school he told me he was being taken out of lessons for 1 to 1 support. Worried he was behind (new school and all that) I asked what the problem was. Turned out he was being out for extension work as he was gifted and ahead! Don't complain too soon. Find out what is happening first.

mammabing · 02/02/2024 16:54

We had something similar happen at our school a while back. At that time we used it for children receiving any additional support, not just SEN.
It was so awkward at parents evening when I told a mum that due to her son making progress in his maths interventions (which she knew he was having as we had spoken about it) he was now being removed from the register. She was meant to be sent a letter from the SENCO way back at the beginning of the year informing her. The SENCO tried to blame the teachers despite none of us having access to this letter as it was on her computer and her previously telling us it had been done and claimed “it wasn’t her responsibility to communicate with parents”. The head flipped and made her personally apologise to each parent and she left shortly after.

Octavia64 · 02/02/2024 16:55

In my school children are put on the SEN register if they have any kind of health need or if they access any kind of out of class support.

The standard process is that parents are sent a letter. There's not much info in the letter.

So any kid who does for example phonics intervention in year 1 goes on the SEN register because they are accessing educational provision beyond the normal classroom.

It doesn't mean that they have a diagnosis or anything like that.