To ask how on earth I can manage to get everything done?

[Mnk711]

DP away with work. I work full time (8.15-5pm) in a very busy job. Have 2 kids, 2yo and 7months old. I need advice on how to get everything done that's needed (and TBH also probably to be told I'm not completely useless as some family members make me feel). Routine is currently:

6/6.30am wake with baby, feed and change him
6.30am toddler up, get her breakfast and feed baby solids
7.20ish run round packing nursery bags, washing bottles etc
7.40 off to nursery
8 15 start work, finish 1700, leap in car to rush to nursery before it closes
1730 collect kids, breast feed baby (won't have much milk from bottle or cup at nursery so needs jmmediate feed)
1800ish arrive back home, try to cobble some kind of dinner together and get things ready for bedtime routine
1820ish eat dinner, feed baby and toddler
1845 bath both kids, bedtime routine with toddler, both into bed for around 7.30 but baby is clingy atm so need to stay with him.
7.30ish do a bit more work online, try to sort life admin like food shopping/delivery, sorting out insurance, paying nursery bills etc.
From 8.30ish onwards manage baby wakeups (still every 2h or less most nights!) and occasional toddler ones, sleep myself around midnight/1am

Weekends I have to get them out if the house early so they don't destroy it. So no chance to sort anything then either though usually manage to run round ramming washing into the machine and then the dryer so at least the kids have something to wear.

When do people get their meal prep done/cleaning sorted? I find it impossible to do this with the two little ones there as baby is often shoving dangerous things in his mouth or toddler is breaking things. I can't do it during weekdays as work is too busy. And at night I have to be in with the children.

Am i just being useless and inefficient? Two older female family members have told me they managed it all themselves and were fine, and that I just have to get on with it. (Which I largely do except cleaning which I struggle to fit in and view as the least important thing, providing the house isn’t a health hazard). They treat me as if I am lazy and useless. They seem to forget they weren't actually alone (plenty of childcare support/childminders etc, at least some help from husband and GPs, only worked part time etc). Maybe I am just lazy and useless. Help!

That should say 'sleep' advice

How long is DP away for? If it’s a few weeks then there are loads of tips for “cutting corners” - Cook meals and you doing life admin during your lunchtime and all that.

If it’s more than a few weeks then really, that’s a pretty difficult routine to keep up and I’d be talking to work about some wfh or flex hours etc?

Also, sorry I keep thinking of things, can nursery give them breakfast since they get there so early? That would cut something out of your morning routine.

Everyone fed and breathing- jobs a good un!
I would :
quit breastfeeding
get a playpen
life admin - put everything on direct debit - needs checked once a month
bath time - down to every second night with flannel wash every second night

Can children have breakfast at nursery?
If collected 5pm don’t they already have food at nursery? (Most have dinner around 4pm) - if so just do simple toast/ egg/ yogurt/ fruit selection in evenings for them.

Hire a cleaner.

My dp isn't away ever, but we still struggle with 2 little ones, full time jobs and no family support. I swear by robot hoover to keep things ticking over, the kids just create crumbs from thin air. I do a lot of life admin, shopping, organising, from in bed while breastfeeding/breastsleeping.

You are in no way lazy!!!! I agree with getting the husband to do the life admin.

I remember being told that I should be grateful that my husband changes nappies because my father never did. The older generation just want us to know how hard it was for them.

You’re already doing so much!

I’ll bet your relatives didn’t actually do everything you do, or if they did they didn’t find it easy!

Your routine is already very tight without much wiggle room. The only things I can suggest are maybe getting the bags ready the night before so that’s one less thing to worry about in the morning. Keep meals really simple and quick; pasta and broccoli with pesto, jacket potato and beans, fish fingers with microwave rice and peas, omelette and a bag of salad. Or take 15 minutes in the evening after the kids are in bed to prep a casserole for the slow cooker and just take the pot out of the fridge and turn it on in the morning.

When I was a single mum and working ft I used to give mine one box of toys and put the telly on for an hour first thing at the weekends to quickly hoover and clean the bathroom. I’d strip beds as well. Then quickly chuck the toys in the box and go out for a few hours. Home for lunch and youngest’s nap (older one more tv or playing independently) and do a couple more bits around the house, folding laundry, remaking beds, maybe some dusting usually with wet wipes . Mine were 1 and 3 though so might not be possible with a 7 month old.

Do not feel like you are failing, you’re amazing

For a start, do yourself a favour and stop discussing it with the old birds!

Working part-time (back in the days when people left work on time and got a lunch hour) with an all present DH and supportive relatives is not a fair comparison!

Thanks so much for your advice everyone, I really appreciate it. Some really good tips there, and great to know others have survived similar! Responding to a few Qs:

-DP away for months at a time and often incommunicado/remote locations;
-Would definitely like to get a cleaner in future bit state of the house so bad currently I don't feel it would be possible until I can get it at least a bit more sorted;
-Can't drop hours at the moment due to paying two nursery bills - 3 yo will get some free hours soon which will help. A nanny in the house would be great but it would be a lot more expensive than nursery once 3 yo's hours kick in. Have thought about an au pair/other home help but my investigations haven't really gotten me anywhere due to scarcity of supply where I live (rural) and significant cost in some cases.
-Extra evening work is usually to be honest because I end up running late in the mornings quite a bit so not doing my 8.15 start quite often. Getting toddlers ready us hard! :-D I do agree though that if I get myself more organised then I can/should drop this. Im also wondering about asking yo leave at 4 instead of 5 and then doing that hour later on, but can't do that at the moment because children wake up too much for it to be reliable (constant colds!).
-Sleep training: toddler does usually sleep through the night but is unsettled when DP is away and feeds off my stress so wakes up a bit more. Baby is actually usually a great sleeper but keeps having teething/colds/sleep crawling etc going on which is waking him up. So I don't think sleep training would help at the moment, though maybe in future for baby.
-Rude family members- would love to avoid discussing with them but they are often my only source of support when DP away e.g. if I need to travel for work somewhere for the day then I need someone on standby in case the trains don't work etc. I am strongly thinking now though that their 'help' is less helpful than their attitude is annoying so I think maybe I will just need to focus on paid help (and drawing on my mum friends for company with DC so I don't go mad!).

PS thanks all for the positive affirmations, u think I'm too tired for them to properly sink I'm but I'm glad to hear hopefully I'm not as useless as I'm sometimes made to feel!

Would definitely like to get a cleaner in future bit state of the house so bad currently I don't feel it would be possible until I can get it at least a bit more sorted

Don't delay getting a cleaner, @Mnk711 !!

I'm sure cleaners have seen it all and it'll be obvious that you have more than enough on your plate.

Just getting kitchen, bathroom, living-room and staircase cleaned and beds changed once a week will take a huge load of your shoulders.