To have the in laws staying .....

[tryingforbaba]

We live abroad and my in laws have booked a trip to come and stay with us in august.

We have a 3 bed house (master bed which is ours, our daughters room and a box room with bunk beds)

My in-laws are in their 70s so when they've stayed before we give up our room and sleep in the bunks. No probs at all. This is what we were going to do in aug.

I have recently found out I am pregnant though and will be due 1st October , meaning I'll be 8 months pregnant when they come.

I raised it with partner today and said they need to get a hotel nearby because I don't want to be crammed into a bunk bed at 8 months pregnant and not to mention how nesty and private I'll be feeling at that point. And the possibility I could even go into labour with them here is unthinkable tbh.

He said IABU because they simply can't afford a hotel.

Am I being out of order?!

I'd pay for them to stay in a hotel nearby,.if they refused the bunk beds. You're going to feel very uncomfortable and big at that stage, you'll need to stay in your comfortable bed.

I think the idea of people having spare rooms just for visitors is increasingly not the case. I think if you wish to visit someone there should no longer be an expectation that you stay in their house. Finding a hotel or air b and b nearby should be part of planning your trip. Expecting your hosts to vacate their bedroom for you is a bizarre level of entitlement

Couldn't agree more.

It seem like you don't like your in-laws very much- and are at risk of causing a family rift.
Obviously you need to stay in your own bed- so how can the situation be handled?
Unless the Pils are disabled, they should be prepared to compromise. I suggest putting your youngest's cot in your room and the bunk bed (does it split into 2 singles?) in her room.
That way you keep your own bed, in-laws get a single bed each and you get to prepare the nursery.

I agree. When house hunting, we had to make sure we had a spare room for both sets of dps. However when we visit the ILs we have to book our own accommodation. My BIL has recently announced he wants to come visit us with his dps in the summer. We have big grown up boys who can't be expected to give up their rooms as they work and study. My dh has hinted we give up the master bedroom as there's space for an extra bed. F&@k that!

My starting point would be : Dh I will be 8 months pregnant. I will be sleeping in my own bed. If you want to try dragging me out of it for your parents I will call the police on you. Therefore if you want your parents to stay you will need to think of something that is NOT me moving out of our bed. Thanks for all of your non existent support for your pregnant wife here.

I think it's reasonable to want to be in your own bed at 8 months' pregnant. I also think if you've only just found out that you are pregnant, maybe give it some time to get used to the idea and work out how you are going to accommodate your ILs visiting. It might just feel like a lot now, but feel more manageable once you are used to the idea.

I wouldn't give up my bed if I wasn't pregnant, never mind if I was!

They need to suck it up & get a hotel or B&B. Maybe you can offer a contribution - IF you can afford it.

I'd just message his parents after breaking the pregnancy news
'Dpil, I just wanted to start a discussion about your stay in August. By that point the spare room will not have beds as it will be the babies room and at that late stage of pregnancy I'll need my own bed. Is it possible that we can bring your visit much earlier?'

Hopefully if they don't want to move it they'll offer to stay somewhere else. But a discussion needs to start or they'll turn up in August and just look at you at bedtime..

I would not give up my bed or room for any guests, not ever. Let alone being 8 months pregnant.

The simplest thing is to book them a hotel and pay for it yourselves.

Alternatively move your daughter into the nursery and put a decent sofa bed in her room, second hand if cost issues mean its needed.

They are elderly and a bunk or bed on the floor is just not appropriate and neither is it for you heavily pregnant.

I'm sure your in laws won't expect their pregnant dil to give up her bed. They should sleep in the bunk bed and your DH can arrange for the bunk bed to be collected when they've gone. You can get a cot ready to put in the room for when they've left. Seems to me like you just don't want them to visit.

Obviously if youre eight months’ pregnant you need the comfort of your own bed and I am sure most inlaws would be horrified if they thought they had caused you discomfort.
Surely it’s not that complicated to welcome them into your home: as PP said, put daughter’s cot in nursery and the bunks separated in her room or together if no room.
I disagree with saying close family should be expected to stay in hotels when visiting if there is room (ie not in a one-bedroomed flat) as it seems very cold and distancing. (Unless there is a difficult dynamic)
When you welcome family and friends into your home it’s much more special, fun, an act of trust and can create deep bonds and memories.

Also if they are loving and supportive why not ask them to help with prepping for new baby eg decorating, shopping, stocking freezer. Lots of parents would love to be useful and go to visit because they love their children not to try to be takers.

You say your DD is in a cot in her own bedroom, and by implication that bedroom is not a box room.
So I would get a double bed for her room, and then you can move her cot into your bedroom when ILs visit. It is really handy to be able to put up visiting family, and also once DD moves into a bed, a double bed means that a parent can sleep with her easily when necessary, or she can have sleepovers with friends when she is older.
Or get a sofa bed for her room if an ordinary bed doesn't appeal.
But it is perfectly reasonable for a pregnant woman not to give up her own bed.