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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the in laws staying .....

63 replies

tryingforbaba · 01/02/2024 20:54

We live abroad and my in laws have booked a trip to come and stay with us in august.

We have a 3 bed house (master bed which is ours, our daughters room and a box room with bunk beds)

My in-laws are in their 70s so when they've stayed before we give up our room and sleep in the bunks. No probs at all. This is what we were going to do in aug.

I have recently found out I am pregnant though and will be due 1st October , meaning I'll be 8 months pregnant when they come.

I raised it with partner today and said they need to get a hotel nearby because I don't want to be crammed into a bunk bed at 8 months pregnant and not to mention how nesty and private I'll be feeling at that point. And the possibility I could even go into labour with them here is unthinkable tbh.

He said IABU because they simply can't afford a hotel.

Am I being out of order?!

OP posts:
cheeseandketchupsandwich · 01/02/2024 21:38

How long are they visiting for? If it's not long (say a week or less) I'd suck it up but maybe have them camp out in the living room. If it's like a month then I'd be asking them to delay their visit until well after baby is here

Tourmalines · 01/02/2024 21:41

SarahAndQuack · 01/02/2024 21:25

Why is it her job to work it out? Surely that's between her partner and his parents?

And actually, no, not everyone has a magic Mary Poppins home. It may be the in-laws can be accommodated, but it's not that unusual to have a house where only one room is big enough for a double bed; it's possible her in-laws actually can't sleep on the floor/aren't mobile enough to use bunks. If so, that's unfortunate, but it doesn't make it her fault. It's just one of those things.

Show quote history

No , it’s not up to his parents to organise rearranging their house sleeping arrangements. It’s up to her and her husband. She already said she does not want them there , but her husband does . There are already lots of helpful ideas with what they can do on this thread ,and you don’t need a magic Mary Poppins home for any of them .

PrimalLass · 01/02/2024 21:42

YABU to expect guests you've already arranged to stay in a hotel because you want to decorate a room that won't be used for the baby to sleep in for months. Especially U because it's your husband's parents.

YANBU to not want to sleep in bunk beds at 8 months pregnant.

Buy a sofa bad for the nursery and crack on.

2chocolateoranges · 01/02/2024 21:48

YANBU. No one would expect a n 8 month pregnant woman to give up her bed so they can stay over, madness.

whatsappdoc · 01/02/2024 22:03

I don't understand why the bottom bunk isn't suitable? Surely it's just a single bed?

And agree, a nursery won't be needed for months.

SheilaFentiman · 01/02/2024 22:08

whatsappdoc · 01/02/2024 22:03

I don't understand why the bottom bunk isn't suitable? Surely it's just a single bed?

And agree, a nursery won't be needed for months.

It’s a lot harder to get into a bottom bunk pregnant than a single bed pregnant

JSMill · 01/02/2024 22:10

Tourmalines · 01/02/2024 21:08

Yes , you are being unreasonable. You just dont want them there . I think you are mean .

Don't be so ridiculous and goady. She'll be heavily pregnant.
I don't even think she should be hosting.

IhaveanewTVnow · 01/02/2024 22:12

Let’s hope you don’t have a boy op because you might have to go through this when they are older or not being wanted.

What is the problem with going into Labour with them there…..they can look after your DD? It’s not like they are going to be in the delivery room? His mum has delivered her own babies so will understand how you feel and will look after DD.

Give them your DD room and let her “camp” in third room. She will love it.

Ewoklady · 01/02/2024 22:16

Airbed in the sitting room for them ??

defiant2024 · 01/02/2024 22:18

Nope. You're right, he's wrong. Ignore the idiots pretending not to get it.

Tourmalines · 01/02/2024 22:41

JSMill · 01/02/2024 22:10

Don't be so ridiculous and goady. She'll be heavily pregnant.
I don't even think she should be hosting.

Show quote history

Who said she would be ! Maybe her husband would do it all !

uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/02/2024 23:20

YANBU
Would they be ok with an airbed in the lounge?
DD in a ready bed in your room

Almostwelsh · 01/02/2024 23:38

I would take my daughters bed and send my daughter to sleep on the bottom bunk with her dad on the top bunk.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/02/2024 23:44

I would buy a double bed for your daughter's room and I would put your daughter on the bunkbed while they are visiting. If you're going to get rid of the bunkbeds then you could get a camp bed or a blowup bed for your daughter to sleep on in your room.

Talipesmum · 01/02/2024 23:51

Nobody sleeps on the bunk beds - you already said you want to get rid of them.

What’s your long term plan for guests? After the baby is born, where would they sleep? Invoke that now.

We have a narrow single bed in the box room which has a trundle underneath that zips side by side to fill most of the room with double bed. When baby was in a cot in that room as baby room, the bed was in single bed format, and we’d sit on it for stories etc. The cot could fit in as well.

When visitors came, we would carry the cot out into our room where it was inconveniently right in front of all the wardrobe doors, but it fitted in. We’d expand the trundle bed into a double and guests would sleep in there.

Liveandforget · 01/02/2024 23:54

heldinadream · 01/02/2024 20:59

No you're not being unreasonable at all! Could you afford to pay for a hotel or guest house for them, or make a largish contribution to it?
Or could the dates of their trip be changed to five months or so earlier? Or later?
There must be some alternative to the current plan.
Congratulations OP.

This might be the solution. Tell your dp he should try being 8 months pregnant before telling you you're unreasonable

Fionaville · 02/02/2024 00:09

I don't think YABU but then neither is your husband or the in laws.
Could you get them a good quality inflatable bed and put it in the box room/nursery? I'd try to accommodate them as it's already booked and they are family.

Gymnopedie · 02/02/2024 01:36

We live abroad and my in laws have booked a trip to come and stay with us in august.

Was the visit discussed and planned between you all, or did they book flights and then tell you they were coming?

That would significantly colour my thinking how to approach it whichever way round it happened.

Ladyj84 · 02/02/2024 02:45

Ah this happened when I was pregnant with our twins. this is exactly what me and hubby usually do sleep in the bunk room when fam comes to stay. But we just chucked a mattress on the floor and all was good I was 7months pregnant and I'm glad we sorted it as that was the last time my grandparents stayed as both passed not long after our twins were born and they are now 2

WandaWonder · 02/02/2024 03:24

As long as you have a comfortable bed I don't see the issue, sure you can up with as many excuses as you want but I personally don't see a need to change anything

autienotnaughty · 02/02/2024 03:45

Can they not change their flights it would make more sense to come after baby is born surely?

But in terms of management I would buy an airbed, give parents your room. You take your dd bed and you husband and dd have air bed on floor in her room. So you can start to sort spare room now. Or if you are happy to wait to sort spare room your dd and dh sleep in there?

SoreAndTired1 · 02/02/2024 04:02

Your are not being unreasonable, your husband is for not even considering your needs. You really need to get them to cancel. You will be 8 months pregnant, surely they will understand? And if they can afford the trips abroad to you, surely they can afford a B&B.

Original poster
tryingforbaba · 02/02/2024 04:52

Thanks for all your replies. For context, my DD is 17 monthly old so she has a cot, not a bed so her bed isn't an extra place xx

OP posts:
crew2022 · 02/02/2024 06:40

This is your DH family. You need to welcome them. Unless they are CFs who expect to be waited on. They might prove really helpful to you at 8 months pregnant. I would move dd out of her room into the box room and give th Ed m that.

FlamingoQueen · 02/02/2024 07:09

Congratulations! Can you split the cost with them and put them in a hotel? I expect the thought of them coming is worse than the reality. Your dd may like having lots of attention, particularly if you won’t always feel up to it. You may also find that you could manage on a bottom bunk for a week, if it’s comfy. Personally, I would have loved a single bed all to myself!