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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a 3rd child at 36?

49 replies

LoveYouHoneybear · 01/02/2024 14:53

Can't get the feeling of wanting a 3rd out of my head and I'm soon to be 36. I have two young daughters. Part of me thinks I shouldn't mess with a great thing- the girls are getting (slightly) more independent and I'm not getting any younger! Has anyone gone for a 3rd at this age?

OP posts:

Bluebuddha10 · 01/02/2024 14:59

I only had my second at 37, so dont think your age is an issue. How old are your girls?

Hellogoodbyehello4321 · 01/02/2024 14:59

I imagine lots of people have of those who had 3 or more children. 36 is hardly an unusual age to have a baby. Many women have their first or second at that age, let alone 3rd

I wouldn't be worried about your age at all. Whether 3 children is worth giving up more freedom as your other 2 get older, only you know that - that's different for everyone.

boomingaround · 01/02/2024 15:00

What do you mean "at this age" 🤯. Plenty of people are only having their first at 36.

strawberryjeans · 01/02/2024 15:02

I don’t think anyone should choose to have three, unpopular opinion but there it is. Life is expensive. Resources are finite - as is your time, energy and money (unless you’re a billionaire). They aren’t little forever.

WaltzingWaters · 01/02/2024 15:03

36 isn’t an unusual age to have a baby. We’re planning on trying for our second when I’m 36. So age isn’t really the issue here. It’s just whether you and your partner have the time, money, space, and energy (mental, physical, and emotional) for a third child.

Icouldseetinsel · 01/02/2024 15:03

I'm due with my 3rd in 2 weeks and I'm 36! It was unplanned though... there's a gap of 5 years between this one and my youngest
I do sometimes tthink what on earth am I doing as I was just getting some freedom back due to the kids being a bit more independent..
But I'm also very excited about the new baby. I feel a lot more relaxed about looking after a baby then toddler than I did with my others. It's only a few years really and then the time they are so dependant on you is gone... I feel lucky I get one more go round. This will definitely be my last as we are going for more permanent contraception options now..
I'm more tired but more chilled this time around. And the baby has this established secure family unit to come into. We had an extra bedroom... I was shocked when I first found out I was pregnant, I did spend some nights crying. But I'm very happy now.

scrivette · 01/02/2024 15:06

I had my third at 37 and am now just over and still feel as if I have time left for another one of if I wanted to.

I did find it harder being pregnant at 37 than I did at 30.

Hopper123 · 01/02/2024 15:06

Yep! Had our third at 36. Definitely noticed the difference in terms of my body and energy levels etc and it has made a difference financially and in terms of my going back to work but still been a lovely experience and our oldest two adore him. If you feel your body will cope with it and its a mutual want for you and your husband/partner then go for it.

Rosiiee · 01/02/2024 15:07

A friend of mine is pregnant with her 4th at 40. There’s a 14 yr gap between her first and her 4th. Don’t think there’s really such thing as too old.

WeeOrcadian · 01/02/2024 15:12

Not ages related but do finances / space / car / childcare stretch to a third?

Nameychango · 01/02/2024 15:13

I had a longing at 36 too! I had a 3rd at 37 🥰, although it was tough going physically and after it I had some heath issues which may or may not have occurred if I hadn't had a 3rd but I'm SO happy I had him! It was tough at first but he was easy - the juggle with the other two was tricky at times but I'm so happy I did! They are the missing piece of the puzzle that makes the whole thing complete, although I didn't know it at the time!

I did find I had less physical energy at 40 than at 32 when I had my first but I definitely don't sweat the small stuff with him and much less anxious about stuff so he's definitely benefitted from my more chilled approach! Loads of other mums I know having their first at 36 so definitely time.... I started early perimenopause afterwards though, which runs on the family so don't think I would have had a lot more time!

Kaleidoscope2 · 01/02/2024 15:32

I'm 34 and only just thinking about number 2, have a 3 and half year old but haven't been ready sooner. I can see how it will be harder as we have more independence now she's a little older so do worry about going back to the sleepless night etc, I also feel older than I did age 30 when I conceived so imagine I'll have less energy. But we want a second and I think there will lots of beautiful moments and things too ..a first that's old enough to 'help' with a sibling, feeling calmer than I did first time round etc. so in short no I dont think having a 3rd at 36 is out of the realms of normal or something to worry about

Onelife2024 · 01/02/2024 15:36

I had my 2nd and 3rd at 36 (twins!) It’s definitely not too old if it’s something you want. More children is obviously harder work, more expensive etc but it was definitely worth it for me - I wouldn’t change it for the world.

LolaJ87 · 01/02/2024 15:39

We want a second and I'll be 37 when we start trying...

Yummymummy2020 · 01/02/2024 15:41

I had my third at 36 and I will be 37 in the summer. My other two are young and not started school yet! If you can afford it it’s great!

CurlewKate · 01/02/2024 15:42

I hadn't had my first by then, so I say go for it!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/02/2024 15:44

I had mine at 37 and 41!

Admittedly, I wasn't run ragged, physically battered and skint from having already had a couple of babies though.

edissa · 01/02/2024 15:45

I'm 39 this year and I wouldn't rule out a third yet! Go for it 🥰

Original poster

LoveYouHoneybear · 01/02/2024 16:10

Thank you everyone for the very helpful replies. Heartened to know it has worked out positively for so many of you! Lots to think about for me.

OP posts:

ApricitySeeker · 01/02/2024 16:32

I had my third at 35 and found it absolutely fine, but then my older ones were only 3 and 4 so it’s not like I’d come out of the other side of having toddlers / young children. They are now 5 and 6 and if I didn’t have DD I may be wondering about if I’d be ready to go back into sleepless nights and nappies. But I don’t regret DD for a second, we all love her and I’m very glad we went for a third.

Higgldy · 01/02/2024 16:53

I had my third at 39. So glad I did!

spicedlemonpie · 01/02/2024 17:08

Your not old at all to have a baby at 36 plenty of mums do some are having the first one at that age.
My mum had my brother when she was 36.
My sister had her last at 40 and wished he hadnt .
However im 37 and i would not have the energy no to do it all again but thats me.
Mind you i did have my 2 young and their grown ups now.
Go for it if it feels right why not.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2024 17:10

WeeOrcadian · 01/02/2024 15:12

Not ages related but do finances / space / car / childcare stretch to a third?

These are the considerations that would worry me more ^^
Small children are cheap compared to teenagers.

Libmama · 01/02/2024 17:11

I had my third at 36. I’ve got almost 5 years between each of mine and it was perfect for us.

She’s a dream baby too. Absolutely no regrets.

OneTC · 01/02/2024 17:13

My mum had me at 44, which nearly 50 years ago was pretty unusual. 36 isn't unusual now

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