To want a 3rd child at 36?

[LoveYouHoneybear]

Can't get the feeling of wanting a 3rd out of my head and I'm soon to be 36. I have two young daughters. Part of me thinks I shouldn't mess with a great thing- the girls are getting (slightly) more independent and I'm not getting any younger! Has anyone gone for a 3rd at this age?

This isn’t an age thing- this is do you want a 3rd. Have to question whether it’s just that sad realisation the baby years are done or do you actually want to raise another child.
Id love to relive my babies but no way in hell do I want another toddler, another child to teach to read, potty train, another lot of nursery fees.

I turned 37 on 2 Jan and conceived baby 3 on my birthday! Other DC’s are 5 and 3. We did want another though actuallu weren’t trying that month so it came as a shock and I’ve spent the last few weeks swaying between feeling excited/terrified/scared…and obviously im
only 6 weeks pregnant so it may not work out anyway.

I'm expecting my 4th and I'm 40 will be 41 by the birth.
Never regretted having more people to love and although this will be our last for many reasons, age is not one of them.

It’s uncommon to think 36 is too old to be having a child. Your husband is the only person you need to make this decision with.

It’s uncommon to think 36 is too old to be having a child. Your husband is the only person you need to make this decision with.

Not sure what your age has to do with it? How old do you think women normal are when they have their THIRD child 🤯?

I had my first at 38. She's wonderful and it's been an incredible experience, but she'll very likely be our only child. I feel fine but also tired. I can never know for sure but I think if I'd had her 10 years ago I probably would have gone on to have more but as it is I don't think I could handle it. At the same time, I don't feel old in any way and if I wanted more I wouldn't let my age put me off. I sort of want to go back and relive everything, but only with the daughter I have, not a new baby.

This

How many kids do you have @NameChange30 and @strawberryjeans, out of interest?

Menopause and puberty in the same house?

I have two. Always wanted two children and the experience of parenting two has not made me want more!! If you have easy children I can understand maybe wanting three but I do think two is plenty tbh.

@BlackeyedSusan I'm not sure that on its own is a reason as most people having kids in their 30s are going to hit puberty and menopause at the same time - I suppose it's more considering 3 teens alongside menopause. But menopause is a bit of an unknown as you may sail through it - both my mum and mil didn't suffer badly in their mid-late 50s (certainly not like some people do).

@LoveYouHoneybear I've just had my second at just turned 34 so if we do have a 3rd I'll be at least 36. Think it's a very normal/average age for a baby now - especially for a 2nd or 3rd when a lot of people don't start their families until they are in their 30s. Many of our friends haven't started yet so will be well into their mid-late thirties by the time they have their first.

Ok. So you’ve got two because that was the number you personally wanted or because you nobly made the decision for the good of the earth’s finite resources?

All the arguments against having 3 apply equally to having 1 or 2 imo. There are always people chiming in sanctimoniously about the environment on threads like these and they inevitably have 2 kids themselves.

Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.
I had two children because I wanted two children.
People have more children because they want more children.
I personally feel that it's ok for DH and I to have two children because there are two of us, so all being well, we leave the same number of people behind us... might seem a weird logic but there you go!
Society does actually need us to keep having children (an ageing population is not good for the economy) just not tooooo many of them!
So my main reason for stopping at two is not because of some moral superiority or "sanctimonious" concern about the environment. It's more about my immediate resources as a mother, my energy (physical, mental and emotional), time, finances.
I wanted children who would be siblings; they have each other (whether they get on or not) but now I have them both I don't feel the need for more, it just seems unnecessary.
I'm sure everyone with 3 or more children loves them more than words can express but I just find motherhood really fucking hard and couldn't bear the thought of having to do it all again.
So yeah, pre-kids in my fantasy planning, I imagined me, husband, two kids, and I ended up with that (realise I'm lucky) and also have not changed my mind.
If I had some hormonal yearning for a third child, the thought of the environment would be somewhere on the list of reasons against, but it wouldn't be in the top 3 or even 5.

Women with large families always play the "sanctimonious" card or the "what about people who fly regularly" card. They are just being defensive about their choices.

I had my third at 36, absolutely no regrets. All I would echo is that you need to obviously make sure you have the resources to accommodate another (we do at a small stretch due to childcare which will ease next year) and I definitely, definitely, felt worse being pregnant with #3. No idea if that was age or the fact I had a 3.5 and near 2 year old to look after whilst pregnant!! I was laid on the sofa feeling very sorry for myself and very very guilty for the duration tbh. Baby 3 is an absolute delight though and has rounded us all off as a family beautifully. I am very very certain I am done.

Oh and that mn classic that you need to bear in mind is that 2 can become 4...

I'm 35 and have two DDs (2&4) and have juuuuust stopped using a pram to get them about. I am 4 months pregnant with my 3rd child.

Back to square one 😆

I think conversations trying to quantify the perfect amount of children are pointless. So many factors go into how many children someone decides to have. Emotional reasons are absolutely and perfectly valid, and in fact totally natural and exist to keep the human race going!

I had 2 and felt like I had enough love in my heart for one more. It was a longing, like there was all of this inactive, unused love just sitting there, but the third child who that love 'belonged to' wasn't there. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, that love was immediately allocated to her. It had been sitting there waiting for her, and was separate to the love I had for my other two. The unused love I had for my third, yet-to-be-conceived baby could not be used on the other two, as it wasn't for them. Once number 3 existed, the love transfer happened, she got the love that had somehow been set aside for her and there is no more love left for any future children. We are finished now and that feels right too. I felt like I loved her before she was created and as soon as the two lines came up on that pregnancy test, the love was all accounted for and our family was finished.

I was 39.

Corny, but true.

OP, only 3 of my friends started their family under 30.

1 of those had her first at 18 and second at 40!

Most had their children in their 30s and a lot were late 30s. Covid caused a baby boom.

I have 3 friends still trying for their first at 40, two doing IVF.

Erm I had 2nd at 37 and twins at 38 and if this world wasn't so expensive would have had more than 4 lol..adore my kids

I guess there would be no need to feel defensive if they weren’t being judged though?

why should anyone have to feel defensive about the number of kids they personally choose to have?

The assumption will always be that you want a third because you have two of the same sex.

I had my 3rd child at 36, absolutely adore him. It was a harder pregnancy compared to the other at age 23 and 30 but otherwise all good

Love this thread I have 2 they are 3 & 5 but coming up to 4 & 6 I'm on the fence about a 3rd some days I'm like yes let's go for it and then today I'm like I'm absolutely knackered not sure I could throw another child in the mix!!!