To kick off about Insta DMs to another woman?

[JennyKat]

DH has a specific interest - imagine a niche type of music...

He has three insta accounts related to different elements of the interest.

I noticed he was 'liking' the posts of a particular woman across all of his accounts - going as far as commenting on her content on Christmas Day.

I challenged it and he said it was just to do with their shared interest and there'd been no DMs... he showed me his DM screen - no DMs... I asked about the other accounts and sure enough - there were DMs he'd "forgotten about".

He showed me the DMs and one of them was her talking about an event in our hometown - nowhere near her hometown and there's an event closer to her.

There was no "Hi it's me..." type introduction so it's clear to me they must have spoken before. He said they have been talking as part of a larger group for 5+ years - but he has never mentioned her to me before.

We've had a huge row about this. He said he's been naive and he loves me etc. I don't believe anything untoward, in terms of meeting up, has happened but I feel it's inappropriate.

It's also really impacted my self-esteem. I have put on some weight lately and a lot of her posts are about weight loss and how good she feels.

We don't have sex, there's nothing in the way of touching - I don't feel desired. He has explained this away as being "him" and not "me", but that doesn't change the overall impact on me which is that I am feeling pretty low right now.

Any advice? Am I being over-sensitive about the DMs and insta-interaction?

Insecurity and neediness are a massive turn off and having a partner who along with this has jealous tendencies means that he is not going to report any conversations he has had with females no matter if they are innocent or not!

If he's not doing anything wrong he soon will be with you looking at what posts he likes and questioning him and asking to see personal messages.

You can't blame OP for her partners choices and behaviours, or is he not capable of making them himself? Come off it, talk about making excuses for his behaviour!

OP does he normally have friends, regardless of whether that's men or women, who he messages and likes pics on insta?

If that's normal then I can see why he wouldn't think to mention it and there'd be nothing in it.

If not, then the effort to hide the messages would be a red flag.

For me it would come down to whether this is your insecurity about his friendship, or him claiming "she's just a friend" when the behaviour is out of character. You'd know better than us what's normal

I could find something suspicious in every single thing my husband does if I went looking for it

No he is not up to something but for some people that would be irrelevant, the op is one of them

Sure the op partner might be up to something but the op has chosen to be suspicious regardless

I have no idea who my husband interacts with. Surely that would involve stalking his account? And i can't imagine asking to see his inbox.

I have 3 Instagram accounts, two of which are related to my businesses and one is my personal one. It would be such a time consuming ballache to switch between all 3 accounts to react to all of someone's posts. By doing that you'll increase the reach of that person's posts. Maybe if we are being generous we could say he was trying to help her to build her Instagram but if she's been on there 5 years it's unlikely she would need that help. I personally would only bother doing it for a very close friend.

I think the fact he's lied about it makes it suspicious.

Honestly you need to just break up the whole thing is f'd up

• no sex

-You keeping an eye on who's posts he likes

• him lying to you (don't blame him tbh though)
• you feeling insecure and unloved

Just cut your losses and move on

See, in general the consensus of MN will label you as unreasonable, just like I was told when I posted about my now ex who was liking every picture of this girl and she was liking them back.

I uncovered a lot of girls who were a LOT younger who he labelled as "friends" to me who he followed on SM. I even bloody met one of them IRL at his house for dinner and a film (this was incredibly awkward)

Snapchat too, the score just kept going up, with weird messages previews with all sorts of lovey dovey emoji from girls.

Anyhow, I was told I was insane, controlling and what not.

Just TWO WEEKS after ending the relationship, I seen him at a park holding hands with one of these girls "he had nothing going on with" and "were just friends". The girl I met had got deleted off his SM and I noticed she unfollowed him a couple months before we broke up. She contacted me recently to say this was because he sent her inappropriate snapchats but she didnt want to tell me while I was with him incase I didnt believe her!