Don’t have more kids if you can’t afford them!

[SportMum1982]

I’m not a raving Tory! But honestly I would have loved more children!!! I would have loved 4 kids but I know we cannot afford 4 kids.

Why do people expect the state to pay for their children? Bar education though! If I’m being really cruel tell me, but I feel I did want more kids but stopped.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-67999028

Because it is not the children’s fault or choice.

Of course it’s not the child’s choice! But it’s that parent’s choice as the adult who conceived them. I had a standard of care I wanted to give my kids and a quality of life. Therefore I stopped at 2.

People's circumstances can change, illness, death, job loss, relationship changes, discovering a child has an illness or disability that means having to give up work/reduce hours.

If this is the article I read earlier she was in a 2 income household before the breakdown of her relationship and her partners refusal to contribute left her in a financial mess...

My OH wanted one more child to add to our three - I was 50/50 but when we sat down and talked about children having sperate rooms, education, time off work, expenses etc, we decided against it.

It is wise to think before having children but circumstances can change and not everyone thinks the same. It's always the children that lose out.

There are too many absent men in this country not paying for their children. If they were financially sanctioned, the state wouldn't need to keep stepping in.

Contraception is not one hundred guaranteed

that is just one of the problems with this monstrous policy

I had the kids I could afford and then my whole life turned on its head and I became a single, disabled parent with a disabled child to look after.

Sorry my psychic powers weren't working beforehand 🤔

Circumstances change. Sometimes really quickly.

I agree with you - there needs to be something to make people pay for their own children!

It’s interesting, especially on MN where there’s such a HUGE judgement about only children,

we always took the view we would only have one, because we KNEW we couldn’t afford two, and quite frankly didn’t want two. But on here, it’s often positioned as cruel to have only one child.

I’m glad that we stuck at one, because financially it means not worrying about double entry fees to places, two sets of university fees, two lots of childcare etc.

@SportMum1982

You are wasting your energy on here.

The concept of personal responsibility has left the building in the UK.

Everybody is looking for a handout when it comes to poor life decisions.

When a high earner makes the choice to have one or two children because they see they cannot afford more thats to be expected.

But when a lower earner starts popping them out like confetti we need to heavily subsidise them because of "reasons" (usually they will give you a sob story about "the children" but the reality is that this is usually due to very poor choices by adults).

The entire system is basically dysfunctional now.

We need to increase the countries birth rate though.

Circumstances change but if you're having more than 3 you really need to have contingencies to be able to support a large family. It shouldn't fall on big daddy government.

I'll tell you something that really messes up the calculations - finding out that you're having a pair of them the second time!

Yet we have a falling population and a government that won't address the low hours/wages issues so people need benefit top ups. How does children living in poverty benefit our society? How does people not having children benefit society?

I have to agree, I have been almost hung for having one and not having everything in place beforehand. This was not just my choice I was in an abusive relationship, which I am very happy to be out of now since four years ago. Even though I get miserable being tied down and short of money etc, I'd still rather that than be in that situation daily.

But I have seen many get a one bed, funded fully or partly by the state, wait to get moved to a two bed with their one child, then go and have another, also many who caught on to the UC rules early on, and who had kids thinking it would remove their need to work or work more hours. But now the rules are changing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Couples with kids who don't fully live together because it doesn't suit, or they don't claim for the other adult/parent, but expect the state to cover it, disgusting!

I only really asked for help when I needed it. Prior to that we/I had been looking at what could be achieved through our own means.

Circumstances can and do change and being the parent if a severely disabled child I'm a person who circumstances changed massively
But let's not pretend that there are not people out here who do have children knowing they won't be able to.afford them
And before the benefit cap some people chose to have children knowing the would get extra tax credits etc I know this is something middle class mumsnet doesn't like to acknowledge but I have seen it

How do we run our low pay essential services without poor people having children? If the war situation does escalate in the future, who will be doing the fighting?

The two child cap is one of the few creditable things the Tories have achieved because too many were taking the piss.

The problem is the contradiction of birth rates being low, it being too expensive to have kids for many (who don't expect the state to pay) and the grossly overpopulated country and planet.

People don't want immigration but they don't want to support people to have more children either. Result - an ageing population, shrinking economy and massive burden on younger people to support the old.

I agree with you OP. There's no way that as a single mum living in Fulham she wasn't struggling with 2 kids, let alone 3, then 4, then 5.

It's not the taxpayer who should be picking up the pieces of people's bad decisions.

I have just one child and I rely on UC top ups as my full time wage doesn't pay enough. Unfortunately my ex won't help out more. MOST single mums get help in some form, even if it's just childcare costs.

Who are we to judge when life could all change tomorrow?

Happily trotting along in a loving marriage and suddenly one of the parents dies/has an affair/loses their job/is unable to work etc.

Also couples who got a one bed, had one child, this is in Council Acc, went and had a second and now quite over crowded, but thought they would play the game, and would be moved in to a nice two bed lol. But got that very wrong and are now lumbered and miserable and struggling!

It annoys me when those of us who are on UC are picked at, and because that pays some or all of our housing costs.
But people jump up about being picked on for living in Council places, because they remind us that many work full time and live in Council.
Yes they do, but they forget it's still quite heavily subsidised their rent.

You used to be able to get a two bed flat in some parts of North London Council for £500 something a month, they don't appreciate that others pay £1200-1300 upwards for a private two bed place!