A school absence v holiday one!

[Bartlebum]

Last year both my children's grandparents died. As they were from a different country, my husband wanted to scatter their ashes there.

We went out of the way to coordinate this in school holidays but the only way we could make it work (as there are not daily flights to this small country) would mean we missed two days of school. While we were in the country we arranged to meet family members and introduce the children to their uncles, aunts and cousins. Some of these people are 80+ so it felt so important to my husband to give them the chance to meet them, especially as his parents had not reached this age.

We wrote a letter to the school to explain the importance of this trip and why - including that it was to scatter their ashes. Their immediate response was that they don't approve holidays and refused to discuss further.

It was very upsetting especially as we take school so seriously and had never taken them out before except for the funerals. It made me wonder if they considered it just a holiday if someone went to a burial or scatter of ashes of a grandparent in this country.

Next month it will be a landmark birthday for my own grandmother and she has arranged for the family to stay in a nice location in the UK for three nights. As the kids have school I said we will have to miss the Monday and we will arrive late on the Friday. But as it gets closer I am appreciating how lucky we are to still have her and how this could easily be the last chance to do something like this as a family, something my children never got to experience with their other grandparents. I don't want to be the only ones leaving early when we could be spending quality time with a family that never see each other like this.

My AIBU is, as I won't get permission, is it better to mark them as sick that day? What would the repercussions be for lying? I know it will affect the trust if they found out, but after the way they handled it last year I don't have much trust in them already.

YABU - Don't miss time off school, leave the gathering!
YANBU - Mark them as sick and stop worrying about it!

Thanks for your honest feedback. I will take it on board.

Don't lie, just say they won't be in. If it's only 2 days you won't get fined, 2 days of unauthorised absence really isn't a big deal.

I’d just tell the school they will be on holiday that day. No need to lie about sickness. You know you won’t get permission and it will be unauthorized but that’s not a problem and they don’t fine for 1 day.

Don't lie, just tell school they won't be in, end of.

School send out very standard "no you can't have holiday" letters, it's not meant to be personally offensive, it's literally just what they have to send out.

Go, enjoy the time with family and think no more about it!

@Beezknees @myfavouritemutant Ahh i didn't think of this, I wasn't necessarily worried about a fine, but I saw unauthorized as a black mark and sickness not. Probably overthinking about this in that case.

If there is no difference I might just email them and say they won't be in today and explain the true reason why.

You can see I don't often break the rules!

Don't lie, that never goes in anyone's favour. Just be honest, it's only 1 day

@44PumpLane thank you. I think I did take it personally as we didn't see it as a holiday and it was emotionally charged for us after what the kids had been through. It was a cold standard response, but like you said probably just.the same.foe everyone.

I got lost down the trail of thought that if they were from this country it would have been approved.

I take my child out of school.for holiday at the end of the summer term. I always am upfront with the school and pay the fine as it still works out cheaper. Their attendance prior to that is usually 99%, they are excelling at school and I have no concerns with them missing school at this time where it's the window to the 6 weeks holiday.

I lost my parents when I was young, and one of my main memories are us on holiday and seeing different places with them. Life is for living and spending time with family and friends, and if there are no concerns around their education I would.totally take them out.

Up to you if you want to lie. As long as your child isn't like mine and told the teacher they weren't sick 🤣

Just take them out and stop worrying about it. It is 2 days. Missing school is far more problematic when it is regular like once a fortnight, not 2 days once a year. Children are often ill for longer than that and off school. Schools don't authorise holidays in term time as a blanket ban.

Don't lie, we often had children "sick" who come back with a tan and tell us all about their Spanish holiday and all the Spanish words they learned to be able to order an ice cream. It also is an awful thing to make your child do as you see their scared faces when they realise they have fucked up.

Not necessarily. My children have had to miss a day because of their grandads funeral and that's marked as an absence.

Don't lie.

Just take them out and tell them why.

Just seen your update, I have had SLT tell me well we obviously cannot approve but have a wonderful time and I wish we could take advantage of term time holidays. That was both in primary and secondary when we took them out for 2 days.

I wouldn't have told the children to lie by the way, I just wouldn't have said anything to them. The more I think about it the more I realise that saying they are sick is pointless.

@Charliebreadness that's great to know. I wish I had done this before! You can save incredible amounts by going a couple of days out for a holiday and we often don't go at all because it's not affordable.

I hate breaking the rules 😭

Just be honest. You are very unlikely to get a fine for a single day absence.

Personally, I'd apply for the day as authorised absence (knowing they'll say no) and then inform the school that the kids won't be in that day anyway because of a family occasion.

Nothing will happen. The teachers and office staff will appreciate the honesty (and secretly agree with you taking them out for a one off family occasion).

Worst case is that you get a fine. It won't be much because it is only one day!

I can't believe you get fined for absences!! No wonder posters are so stressed about kids being off school. I would just tell the truth but then again I'd probably refuse to pay a fine as it's ridiculous. You'd think in the most part the children who have poor attendance are those with special needs or challenging home lives so need support not fining.

Tell the truth and enjoy your holiday.
My children have just lost their grandma and I'd take a million fine/unauthorised absences to give them just one more memory if I could x

Did you end up taking the kids overseas to spread their grandparent's ashes? I hope so.

If you apply for permission, are refused then say they are sick the school will know any way.
Just be honest and enjoy the party.

For your last trip... the school couldn't officially give permission. Doesn't mean they actually minded. The rules are extremely limited.

@TealSapphire the fine is £60 per parent per child I believe. You can't refuse to pay else it just increases and people that have taken it to court have lost.

I have a friend who took her kids out for a week and she said the total fine she had was nearly £500. But most people I know haven't been fined at all.

@user1492757084 yes we did take them in the end, and weirdly the school closed those days due to the water supply being cut off!!!

Wow I just googled and there was an article that nearly 350,000 parents got fines last year, mainly for holidays. 350,000 x $120 = $42,000,000. Sorry to go off topic but my little mind is blown!

Do you pay school fees? Here in Aus we pay around $45 for primary and $75 for high school 'voluntary contribution' so you don't HAVE to pay. Then maybe a little more for some elective subjects in high school.

Ex teacher and a stickler for ensuring my kids have the best attendance possible.

Just go and enjoy it. Let the school know what is happening. They can’t and won’t authorise it. It’s not personal. Schools are under huge pressure to optimise attendance. Ignore!

@Wolfiefan thanks so much, that makes me feel so much better.

Don't lie. Your child will tell their teacher they saw Granny etc. sounds like other letter was standard response they have to send. Did you get fined for that time. Have lovely birthday with your family member x

The letter is the standard response to a holiday request ( even though you didn’t regard it as a holiday). Schools are not permitted to authorise holidays during term time and it is policy, rather than a decision by individual schools.

You'll probably have noticed that there’s a big push by the government to improve attendance. It isn’t aimed at people like you, who rarely do this, but the policy states no term time holiday and that’s what they have to abide by.

Just, as others have said, tell them the dates that the children won’t be in school. They can’t authorise it, but that’s all.