A school absence v holiday one!

[Bartlebum]

Last year both my children's grandparents died. As they were from a different country, my husband wanted to scatter their ashes there.

We went out of the way to coordinate this in school holidays but the only way we could make it work (as there are not daily flights to this small country) would mean we missed two days of school. While we were in the country we arranged to meet family members and introduce the children to their uncles, aunts and cousins. Some of these people are 80+ so it felt so important to my husband to give them the chance to meet them, especially as his parents had not reached this age.

We wrote a letter to the school to explain the importance of this trip and why - including that it was to scatter their ashes. Their immediate response was that they don't approve holidays and refused to discuss further.

It was very upsetting especially as we take school so seriously and had never taken them out before except for the funerals. It made me wonder if they considered it just a holiday if someone went to a burial or scatter of ashes of a grandparent in this country.

Next month it will be a landmark birthday for my own grandmother and she has arranged for the family to stay in a nice location in the UK for three nights. As the kids have school I said we will have to miss the Monday and we will arrive late on the Friday. But as it gets closer I am appreciating how lucky we are to still have her and how this could easily be the last chance to do something like this as a family, something my children never got to experience with their other grandparents. I don't want to be the only ones leaving early when we could be spending quality time with a family that never see each other like this.

My AIBU is, as I won't get permission, is it better to mark them as sick that day? What would the repercussions be for lying? I know it will affect the trust if they found out, but after the way they handled it last year I don't have much trust in them already.

YABU - Don't miss time off school, leave the gathering!
YANBU - Mark them as sick and stop worrying about it!

Thanks for your honest feedback. I will take it on board.

If it’s not going to take you into fine territory, I wouldn’t bother lying saying they’re sick. Just say they won’t be in.

If it will take you into fine territory I would be tempted to lie if the kids were secondary age, maybe year 6, and the kids were okay with sticking to the “sick” story. I think younger kids get really confused/stressed/etc. if asked to lie and it can make school awkward for them.

I’ve done various things.

When we scattered my DFs ashes overseas I cited religious reasons for the dates which technically weren’t a lie. I got part authorised and part unauthorised.

On other occasions I’ve called in sick if we are going on a long weekend or something, other times I’ve just said we are going on holiday. Having unauthorised absence isn’t a big deal unless your children are off school a lot. Last year I sent all 3 in Monday morning, picked them up at lunch time and went on holiday as unauthorised leave. They were out of school for 4.5 days so we didn’t qualify for a fine. I just said we are going on holiday, there is nothing the school could say.

id absolutely let them stay off and enjoy time with family, as you say they won’t always be around and this is primary school not they aren’t doing things like GCSEs.

Just be honest. It will be unauthorised- it’s the school policy, everyone thinks their reason is important and if they started making exceptions it would be a minefield. You are only asking for 1 day so no fine.

OP, you had one of the few reasons I can think of for taking a child out of school to travel in term time. Pity that because of other people you have had the response from the school, that they are almost obliged to do.

I don't agree with fines for this, I would look at other ways. No child discounts on package holidays in term time, one option I would consider.

@twnety yes. Not every country is a holiday tourist destination for Brits in school holidays. If there is no market they don't fly there every day!

Thanks for everyone who contributed to this, it's been really helpful and reframed how I understand the system with the LA and Ofsted. I appreciate the head teachers must find it a real challenge and why they need to deter parents from taking breaks in school holidays.

so they only fly in twice over the 6 weeks of the holidays?