Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Damage dilema

48 replies

Daughtersandbristolian · 30/01/2024 18:56

A girl at school had my DD (14) bag and wouldn’t give it back. My DD asked where their bag was and picked it up in an attempt to get hers back and she threw it at Shin height, probably less than a metre. It comes to fruition that the bag that my DD picked up, wasn’t, in fact, this other girls, and someone else’s fast forward to the end of the day, and the screen of the laptop in the other person’s bag is now broken (no laptop case or protector just for context) I can’t obviously prove that it was my DD picking the bag up and throwing it less than a metre did break it ( may have been cracked already which exacerbated it , wasn’t in a case) however now mum of said child has reported the broken screen and my DD has been told by head of year that there will be a consequence and I just want your opinions please is it my DD’s fault or is it Other girl for taking my DD bag in the first place Who by the way we have got a laptop case. Just also for context the child’s laptop that screen was broken, turned to my DD and said it’s not your fault, it’s the other girls for taking your bag - however I understand it’s a turn if all events / action and reaction. Please may I have some advice and should it be me that pays for it or should it be the other child that pays for it or should it just be the child without a laptop cases learned a lesson in using a case ( harsh).
I will take all advice openly - just need to know how to deal with this properly . Thanks

OP posts:
DrunkenElephant · 30/01/2024 18:57

You need to pay for it.

MrsKwazi · 30/01/2024 18:58

You need to pay for it, but a conversation with school about bullying sounds in order.

PurpleNebula84 · 30/01/2024 19:00

Your daughter shouldn't have thrown the bag... The intended girls or the one whose was actually thrown... You need to pay and your daughter needs to accept responsibility and realise actions have consequences.

tillytoodles1 · 30/01/2024 19:01

Your daughter threw it, it's her fault it's broken.

Anjea · 30/01/2024 19:01

It's your Dads fault. She'll need to pay.

Anjea · 30/01/2024 19:01

DDs Grin

dastidlydaschel · 30/01/2024 19:02

Lots of trying to justify why it's not your daughters fault. It is her fault. If she hadn't picked the bag up and thrown it the screen wouldn't be broken. That is the top and tail of it. Someone hiding her bag doesn't justify her picking up and throwing another.

MarnieMarnie · 30/01/2024 19:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

randomusernam · 30/01/2024 19:03

Unfortunately this is what happens when people act rashly. At the end of the day it was your daughter who picked up the bag and broke the screen. Yes what the other girl did was wrong but no one forced your daughter to pick up and then throw the bag. Tricky one to say who should pay for it but if it was my daughter I'd be making her pay for the repairs. If as an adult someone stole your bag you wouldn't just grab the first one you saw. You would report it to the police. Your daughter should have reported it to a teacher and had it resolved that way

Zoomerang · 30/01/2024 19:03

You need to pay, and you need a conversation with your daughter about how to sensibly respond to situations like this.

Clearly the other girl is at fault too, and needs appropriate consequences for her actions.

Dacadactyl · 30/01/2024 19:04

I also think you need to pay.

However, I'd be passing that cost onto DD by saying she has to do x amount of chores to make up for the cost to you.

Snowpatrolling · 30/01/2024 19:06

I had the exact same problem with my daughter only it was a phone that broke, couldn’t prove either way that it wasn’t my daughters fault, as another girl also threw the bag. school said I was under no obligation to pay as it should have been in the case provided by school. (Laptop should have been in case), I did how ever offer to pay half and set up a payment plan for it. The parents were kind and said no he was due for an upgrade and if anything it would teach him a valuable lesson.
i did get my daughter to say sorry to the parents and boy, and she had extra chores and had a detention at school.

musicforthesoul · 30/01/2024 19:09

Your DD threw it, you pay for the damage. The conversation with the school about the first girls behaviour is separate.

cheddercherry · 30/01/2024 19:09

The girls behaviour isn’t right and I’d be raising it with the school but 14 is also old enough to know not to be throwing other people’s property regardless of what they may/ may not have done to “deserve” it.

So I think in this instance you’d have to suck it up and offer to pay, it’s a learning curve for your daughter for sure but you can’t just fight fire with fire.

flusterbluff · 30/01/2024 19:11

If I was being an annoying pratt and you smashed a vase on my head whose fault would it be that the vase broke?

Even though the other girl was being an annoying pratt, your dd chose to act destructively.

Original poster
Daughtersandbristolian · 30/01/2024 19:12

Thank you all absolutely take all your comments on board. I think my daughter act very rash but just to try and get her bag back but it was the wrong thing to do and it’s backfired by sheer bad luck that it wasn’t in a case. She shouldn’t have reacted the way she did but she’s only 14 and her bag had all her private bits in. Not that I’m trying to justify it. I have had a conversation about her not touching anyone’s property and understands two wrongs do not make a right but when you try and tell a teacher about this kind of thing, it just gets dismissed.
thank you for your honesty, everyone

OP posts:
BloodyAdultDC · 30/01/2024 19:13

My school does not allow byod or phones as they cannot guarantee their safety.

If your school has a byod policy then there is usually some wording about responsibility and INSURANCE.

Tricky one OP.

RawBloomers · 30/01/2024 19:21

BloodyAdultDC · 30/01/2024 19:13

My school does not allow byod or phones as they cannot guarantee their safety.

If your school has a byod policy then there is usually some wording about responsibility and INSURANCE.

Tricky one OP.

Insurance doesn’t stop it being DD’s fault or responsibility. Someone with insurance can use it if they want to and the circumstances are covered, but they aren’t obliged to. They have just as much right to go after the person who did the damage and may want to anyway because insurance usually has limits and deductibles that mean they will want to keep its use for when it’s their fault. Even if they do use their insurance, the insurance firm could still come after the DD.

Sunnydays0101 · 30/01/2024 19:24

Was it a tablet or a laptop - I’m not sure how the laptop screen would have broken ?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 30/01/2024 19:26

Your daughter needs to pay for it , if she doesn't have the money then you pay for it and she can reimburse you when she has the money or via chores or whatever agreement you make with her.

PickledPurplePickle · 30/01/2024 19:28

You need to pay

Hatty65 · 30/01/2024 19:30

You need to pay for the damage your DD caused I'm afraid.

If it helps clarify things, we had a boy snatch my DDs phone off her and deliberately throw it against a wall, smashing it. There were plenty of witnesses. We asked school to contact his parents and provided quotes for repair (roughly £100). Parents just ignored all requests.

I reported to the police and we pressed charges for criminal damage. That boy now has a criminal records and got several hours community service. I don't give a shit, frankly. Perhaps in future he will learn not to smash other people's stuff without recognising there are consequences.

I'm saying this so that you can consider possible alternatives the parents may take if you refuse to pay.

Original poster
Daughtersandbristolian · 30/01/2024 19:34

Sorry was a chrome book they all have them at school. We bought ours via school and this one wasn’t purchased so not insured via school ( it should however be in a protective case) it just annoys me that the girl that took my daughters bag initially had no right to do so. My daughter has just done something silly and reacted in an attempt to get hers back at being 14, and having all of her private personal belongings in her bag has just not thought, and will now have to pay the price.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daughtersandbristolian · 30/01/2024 19:35

@Hatty65 I understand your situation, but mine is completely different. My daughter didn’t deliberately set out to damage anything and to be quite honest Who? who knows what condition it was in originally will never know.
but thank you for your opinion I appreciate it. I appreciate everyone commenting on here.

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 30/01/2024 19:36

Daughtersandbristolian · 30/01/2024 19:12

Thank you all absolutely take all your comments on board. I think my daughter act very rash but just to try and get her bag back but it was the wrong thing to do and it’s backfired by sheer bad luck that it wasn’t in a case. She shouldn’t have reacted the way she did but she’s only 14 and her bag had all her private bits in. Not that I’m trying to justify it. I have had a conversation about her not touching anyone’s property and understands two wrongs do not make a right but when you try and tell a teacher about this kind of thing, it just gets dismissed.
thank you for your honesty, everyone

You say you aren’t trying to justify it and it isn’t an excuse, but there is no way to interpret your original question about whether the broken laptop is really the fault of the girl who stole your DD’s bag other than a form of excuse or justification. I expect the teachers are seeing it that way too if you are mentioning it when they are discussing a different girl having her laptop broken by your DD.

Laptops are expensive. I get the shock at realising you might need to payout a hefty amount. But your DD behaved in a way she shouldn’t have. Even if it were the thief girl’s bag throwing a bag when it’s likely to have expensive fragile stuff in is not appropriate. It might have been seen as rough justice for the thief girl, but even then the two incidents really ought to be treated separately. Since it wasn’t thief girl’s bag, she can’t even hide behind that fudge. Your DD has had a lesson in why behaving moderately in the face of provocation is a necessity in civilized society.

Separately from the broken laptop screen, you might consider whether you should complain to the school about thief girl bullying your DD (I assume the “theft” bit isn’t technically theft as belongings eventually went back to DD, but if it was, then adjust as necessary).