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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m going to have to talk to the school aren't I?

101 replies

ScaringMajor · 30/01/2024 16:32

Over Christmas I was discussing booking a holiday this year with my children. They’re both desperate to go to Disney, but I’m a single parent and it’s so crazy expensive! So I spoke to them and explained that I would look into it, but that it’s a very expensive holiday so it would be our only holiday this year, and we would be cutting down on treats like expensive trips out, treats at the supermarket and take out. To be honest, it’s all stuff we waste money on anyway and should be cutting back on it so it seemed like a good idea. all sorted, holiday booked.

Last month, son comes home from school with a loaf of bread. Not completely unusual, the school get end of date donations from the local supermarket and have them to take from reception. When food is past it’s sell by date, the school tend to send the gone off food home with random children to get rid of it.
It happened again the week after. Last week, he came home with a bag of fruit. Again, the school gets these donated but they usually use them and don’t send them home with students. Today, he’s come home with some second hand school branded jumpers. I asked him why and he explained that he had put a hole in the arm of his school jumper so the teacher had taken him to the clothes donation station and given him some spares to bring home. I asked him why she’d given him several and he shrugged and then causally mentioned that he’d told the teacher that we have no money so can’t get things from the supermarket anymore 🤦🏼‍♀️ I asked if that’s why we got the fruit and the bread and he shrugged

Im going to have to contact the teacher and explain aren’t I? We aren’t broke and I feel terrible at the thought we are taking food from people who might actually need it. I’ve put the uniforms back in the bag to return tomorrow but I have no idea what to say to the teacher? Can I just email in or should I ask to speak to her directly? I’ve overthought this to a point I don’t even know what I’m going to say to her now

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 31/01/2024 18:06

To those quibbling over the expense of Disney, surely one of the lessons we all need to learn about money and teach our children is that, if you want a big treat, you are probably going to have to go without a lot or smaller ones. This is what the OP is doing here.

LlynTegid · 31/01/2024 18:09

Glad to read of the school's response.

twoshedsjackson · 31/01/2024 18:32

@Iwasafool , it's not only publicans whose hard work is disregarded; in the same class, we ended up chatting about pocket money. One of them asked me what pocket money I received, and I replied that I had no need for pocket money, as I had a job, to be told, "No you don't, you come here every day!"

TheHateIsNotGood · 31/01/2024 18:42

Thank goodness the teacher saw the funny side worried I was one of the few. When DS was younger (and I wasn't completely broke) I did EuroDisney twice with him and once with a neighbour's ds too, they used to do a lot of deals to make it a cheap proposition, and enough Disney involved to quell those young 'desires'.

Iwasafool · 31/01/2024 18:59

twoshedsjackson · 31/01/2024 18:32

@Iwasafool , it's not only publicans whose hard work is disregarded; in the same class, we ended up chatting about pocket money. One of them asked me what pocket money I received, and I replied that I had no need for pocket money, as I had a job, to be told, "No you don't, you come here every day!"

Oh dear, kids are brutal aren't they.

Notamum12345577 · 31/01/2024 22:06

WallaceinAnderland · 30/01/2024 17:14

School send out of date food home for kids to eat? I'm not sure they are allowed to do that. I know shops and restaurants have to dispose of it, they're not allowed to give it away.

It would be items with ‘best before’ dates, not items with ‘use by’ dates

JayJayEl · 31/01/2024 22:25

Seeleyboo · 30/01/2024 16:38

Why would you put yourself and children through this stress for a trip to Disney. If you can't comfortably afford something so stretch yourself. I can afford luxury holidays but we go to cheap places. Kids remember any holiday with fondness. Also he mindful that you're projecting your state of financial affairs and worry to your children. Hence why he's telling teachers you have no money. He must be very worried.

Huh? Where did @ScaringMajor say or imply that they are "stressed" by this situation? And it's quite normal to not be able to outright afford a luxury holiday, which is why you would save and/or cut back so that you can do something a little more expensive.
I also completely disagree that OP is "projecting"anything. In fact, I would say that they are setting a very good example about how finances work!

MamskiBell · 31/01/2024 22:25

Seeleyboo · 30/01/2024 16:38

Why would you put yourself and children through this stress for a trip to Disney. If you can't comfortably afford something so stretch yourself. I can afford luxury holidays but we go to cheap places. Kids remember any holiday with fondness. Also he mindful that you're projecting your state of financial affairs and worry to your children. Hence why he's telling teachers you have no money. He must be very worried.

Wow. You've MASSIVELY overthought this. She's just cutting back on 'wasteful' stuff in order to save up. I very much doubt her son is worrying, he's just misinterpreted what she's said. Don't look so deep into something innocent.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/02/2024 00:10

Had two things.

At beginning of covid had two texts from school with a "please reply yes or no". One was about food parcels, one was about trying to keep social groups going via zoom. Clearly I got my messages mixed up as we got a massive food parcel the next week and dd wasn't registered for the games group.

Spoke to the secretary and she sorted it but I was really embarrassed that they had taken it on themselves to think we needed it....they didn't! Should add that when I used the Heinz beans (which were watery and tasteless) the kids asked me not to buy cheap beans again 😆

Then when they went back there was a trip with, yet again, about 2 weeks notice for a £20 charge. I said something like " ffs! They know a lot of people are struggling! Do they think we are made of money?!" So dd told her teacher she couldn't go as we were too poor.

I had already paid at this point!

PerfectTravelTote · 01/02/2024 00:20

Well done to the school. They've stepped in where they've been told there's a need. Not every school is in a position to do that.

RafaFan · 01/02/2024 01:28

@Seeleyboo nothing wrong with demonstrating to kids the value of foregoing treats in order to save money to put towards something they really want.

DysmalRadius · 01/02/2024 01:55
  1. We have a scheme called Fairshare that redistributes close-to-date food to charities in the local area. We used to collect crates of bread and soft fruits etc and put them in the freezer to be used for preschool snacks, smoothies etc and if we knew of families that needed extra help we'd bag some up to be handed over discretely or ask them to collect 5 mins early so they could help themselves. Reduces food waste and gets used by those who need it - perfect solution to a lot of problems.
  1. I told everyone at school that my parents got married at Westminster Abbey (confusion on my part rather than a deliberate lie) but my mum worked at my school and had to fend off a lot of questions until she clarified!
TipulophobiaIsReal · 01/02/2024 02:27

DysmalRadius · 01/02/2024 01:55

  1. We have a scheme called Fairshare that redistributes close-to-date food to charities in the local area. We used to collect crates of bread and soft fruits etc and put them in the freezer to be used for preschool snacks, smoothies etc and if we knew of families that needed extra help we'd bag some up to be handed over discretely or ask them to collect 5 mins early so they could help themselves. Reduces food waste and gets used by those who need it - perfect solution to a lot of problems.
  1. I told everyone at school that my parents got married at Westminster Abbey (confusion on my part rather than a deliberate lie) but my mum worked at my school and had to fend off a lot of questions until she clarified!

When I was about 8 or 9 I told my teacher that my grandad had vagina, so, y'know, it can always be worse.

(Later that day, had a moment of clarity to myself: "Angina!" Decades later, I can still remember how I felt when I realised what I'd actually said. I'm sure someone will cool-story-bro my post, but the hot lurchy shame memories say otherwise.)

RB68 · 01/02/2024 08:58

She didn't say out of date she said end of date - meaning short date but still in date

Mombie87 · 01/02/2024 17:51

Oh dear OP very funny though.
After the birth of our 5th, he was a few days old when the schools started back. There was a note sent home saying that books were to be backed and returned the following week. Hubby went and got some nice backing stuff that our DD would like. In the Friday all the books came home backed. We were like?!
Transpires our 6 year old told her 1:1 that we were too busy to back her books with the new baby. The 1:1 took pity, brought in paper, let our DD pick some and backed the books. 🤦‍♀️
Sent a note in thanking her but reassuring her we do infact have time for our other children and had already got the stuff to back them with.

busymomtoone · 01/02/2024 17:52

This is utterly hilarious and as others have said, school will be relieved one less to worry about !! My cheeks still burn remembering my daughter sneaking a custard cream out of after school club and proudly presenting it “ because we don’t have biscuits at home “ when I was just trying to cut back on sugary , sweet things!!!

MMUmum · 01/02/2024 18:14

My DD out of the blue one evening asked me if we were poor, I said No why? She said well we're on benefits and I said No we're not!.Turns out she'd heard a conversation about Child Benefit and she was amazed when I told her all of her friends would get this too, Lord knows what she had been telling her friends🙄

Cazareeto1 · 01/02/2024 18:19

First off kids often get the wrong end of the stick 😂. I’d explain to the teacher and maybe bring her a bottle of wine, what a kind hearted teacher to make sure the children have the extra support and provisions if needed. She deserves recognition (maybe with out informing head teacher as may get her in trouble)

restingbitchface30 · 01/02/2024 18:20

I’m sorry that this made me chuckle! His heart was in the right place! Yes take the jumpers back to school and talk to the teacher after school! She will probably find it funny

Cazareeto1 · 01/02/2024 18:24

did either of you read the op? She said kids want Disney land she said single parent very expensive and told kids not this year. She has booked a more affordable holiday for this year and cutting out extras so she can afford it on one salary….

PBJsandwich123 · 01/02/2024 18:29

It's just a misunderstanding - I wouldn't feel embarassed

Segway16 · 01/02/2024 18:37

Seeleyboo · 30/01/2024 16:38

Why would you put yourself and children through this stress for a trip to Disney. If you can't comfortably afford something so stretch yourself. I can afford luxury holidays but we go to cheap places. Kids remember any holiday with fondness. Also he mindful that you're projecting your state of financial affairs and worry to your children. Hence why he's telling teachers you have no money. He must be very worried.

😂😂😂 the judgemental humble brag no one asked for.

Iamnotabat · 01/02/2024 18:41

No need for embarrassment.....a quiet word face to face with the tea her a d you may even be able to have a little laugh about it. The teacher has been very kind but will be used to young children getting the wrong end of the stick!!!

Paw2024 · 01/02/2024 18:52

I told my teacher that for Christmas "dad was in the pub as usual and we had scraps for tea"

Concerned teacher rang dad

My dads version "I'm a bloody pub landlord of course I was in the pub, we live there and we had M&S party food as a buffet..."

katedean · 01/02/2024 18:55

A polite email will be fine. Don't over think it. When my daughter was at local village primary school we took stuff like sweat shirts from the spares box but also donated. Still drop off school I think the school can make use of a decade later. People are trying to help. Don't be embarrassed about help. & then give back.