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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most people I know live anove their means?

231 replies

PrincessBananaH · 30/01/2024 12:43

I just came across a statement that really got me thinking which is that, essentially, you should always live below your means in order to be financially secure. It’s a pretty simple statement but I don’t think many of us follow this in life. Most people I know are trying to keep up with the Jones, stretching their mortgages to almost unafforable amounts to buy bigger houses instead of being happy in a modest home, going on lots of holidays and dinners out etc.
I am trying hard to save currently and with lots of family expenses and childcare I often think we’d be better off living below our means in the future years to keep building more financial stability, however I find it hard when everyone around us is trying to “have it all”.
AIBU to think most people don’t want to live below their means?

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 30/01/2024 19:05

wafflingworrier · 30/01/2024 18:32

Original poster clearly doesn't live up north then?!
It's a crime not to be frugal where we live, we keep up with the Jones' by bragging over bargains we've found.😄

Depends where up north though.

Alderley Edge, possibly not so much.

TizerorFizz · 30/01/2024 19:08

That’s what I was thinking. Plenty of Range Rovers up North!

ManhattanNY · 30/01/2024 19:26

I probably live beyond my means…just.
I will but what I want for the most part, mainly extravagant holidays…but then I never splurge on clothes, hair or cars etc

I’m not in massive debt, and don’t go into my overdraft- at the moment, but even when I know I probably shouldn’t, I’ll still spend £11,000 on a vacation. I can pretty much use up my entire pay and only have a small amount to last until the next pay day.

I’m not poor, but if I had some self control I could certainly be richer. I am not worried about saving generally. I tend to have a live for today attitude.

I’ve watch too many people fall into ill health or even die soon after retiring, so I’m determined to enjoy life now.

bonzaitree · 30/01/2024 20:00

i live below my means. I know many people who don’t live below their means and I genuinely dotnt know how they buy the things they do

Carnerloyle · 30/01/2024 20:03

Augustus40 · 30/01/2024 14:28

I no longer use credit cards so live within my means.

I always use credit cards and also live within my means as well as enjoying the extras like cash back and vouchers.

CaramelMac · 30/01/2024 20:29

I say enjoy what you can while
you've got the chance, there’s no pockets in a shroud.

barkbarkwoof · 30/01/2024 20:31

We live within our means and have no debt apart from our reasonable sized mortgage.

We also don't care what our neighbours and friends do which probably helps!

Isitovernow123 · 30/01/2024 20:47

Lots of people we know live above their means. Existing on credit card etc. we’ve been fortunate enough in renovating house that were mortgage free. Even then we may go out for dinner once a month, holiday once or twice a year to localish countries. Also, we manage to save £1-2k a month

krustykittens · 30/01/2024 20:50

I doubt most people you know are living above their means, OP. They are probably living just within it without much wriggle room. I have friends who we suspected were living above their means - the credit has dried up, they are struggling to pay bills because of all their debts, impulsive spending and from being far too genenerous with friends and family who will no doubt dissapear now they are in serious financial trouble. You can't spend more than you earn indefinetly.

RM2013 · 30/01/2024 20:53

I know a lot that live above their means and we definitely fell foul of this and ended up with horrendous credit card debt. We managed to pay this off last year with equity from a house sale but we felt pretty awful

itwasntmetho · 30/01/2024 21:02

I don't know anyone else's means in detail. There are too many variables to even predict.

Caterguin · 30/01/2024 21:12

My parents lived below their means. No holidays, no nice things, nothing.
Then one got ill and one got dementia. Their savings have gone on care.

We live within our means- just. I want to enjoy my life while I actually can. Enjoying life, for me, means a holiday every year (beach in Europe) and spending when I need to.

dottykoala · 30/01/2024 21:20

Freakinfraser · 30/01/2024 13:41

To be honest, I think some folks fall into a trap of assuming it’s debt and living above their means when they see people have stuff they personally couldn’t afford. They can’t fathom it’s earnings

in reality credit checks are very stringent these days, and you need the income to pay the debt. It’s not like the 80s or 90s anymore.

sure some folks have significant debt they got themselves into over time, and circumstances changed, credit cards are often an issue, but it’s clearly not the majority.

Yes to this. A school mum here posted publicly slating someone for their ‘credit card lifestyle’ just because she’d seen the holidays they go on etc. She doesn’t know their financial situation, it’s just jealousy.

We have a big holiday coming up this year and people will probably presume it’s on credit because we live in a modest house etc, but it’s not - it’s been paid for in cash.

JustMarriedBecca · 30/01/2024 21:24

IDontHateRainbows · 30/01/2024 19:05

Depends where up north though.

Alderley Edge, possibly not so much.

You'd be surprised. There's a lot of second hand uniform and hockey sticks swirling around AE and Prestbury.

Wealthy people are often wealthy because they are TIGHT.

Passingthethyme · 30/01/2024 21:33

Anyone who has any debt more than a mortgage is living beyond their means, so yes I'd say most people are

TooManyTests · 30/01/2024 21:34

stayathomer · 30/01/2024 13:20

It’s whatever makes you content though, isn’t it? We lived for a few years in absolutely ridiculous places to save money then ended up poor poor anyway and I absolutely regret us being in a tiny draughty damp shit hole . Sometimes it has to be a case of fuck it, let’s get into manageable debt and feel a bit better about the everyday because otherwise why are we going though the grind, running everywhere, being stressed and tired.

Yes, this. Life is short. You have to be happy in the long term, but the ‘now’ also makes up your long term… live for today, to a point.

gerteddy · 30/01/2024 21:39

I don't think I know anyone who does live above their means.

Surely if most people lived above their means then there comes a point where it all catches up with u and comes crashing down. I imagine u cldnt keep that up for more than maybe 5-6yrs. More quickly if they find themselves out of work or unable to work due to illness.

Oh actually my mums friend did and yip it all came crashing down. She used to get a brand new car every couple of yrs, go on holidays to the Caribbean, go out for lots of lunches, get takeaways for dinner and generally just buy whatever she wanted. Her and her husband had quite low paid jobs. Then all of a sudden she was going around in a really old car, never went any holidays. She had ran up massive credit card debts and had to start paying it all back. Remortgaged her house but it still wasn't enough so had to cut back everywhere. Many years later she's now retired and back to squandering it all away lol. Says she'll do equity release when it runs out but her house is very small and isn't worth that much maybe at best £100k so she won't get anywhere near that from equity release.

RosePetals86 · 30/01/2024 22:00

I think the likes of Instagram has a lot to answer for! People like to look like they are doing well by any means. Ive noticed a lot of people seem to be getting two story/ roof extensions like they they cost buttons!
we live within our means but there have been times in the past I’ve been up to my neck in my overdraft and had credit cards.
im now comfortably putting around £350-500 a month into a savings account, we have been fortunate enough to book a holiday abroad after a few years just holidaying in the uk. We also have a weekend uk break booked. It’s a fine balance between wanting to save a comfortable future and knowing when it’s worth the splurge ie a family experience / memories to be made.

Tryingmybestadhd · 30/01/2024 22:21

In the circle I’m in lots of people do live above their means . Not all but quite a few . We live a comfortable life , we don’t always safe , we safe 6 months and yeh eat we use on holidays , we don’t get into bent to go on holidays but we could save it and we don’t . Life is for living .

ClematisRock · 30/01/2024 22:39

I think expectations have shifted over the years.

In the 60s and much of the 70s people from my neck of the woods ( West Midlands) holidayed in wales or the South West.

By the 90s everyone ( or seemed to me) took package holidays to fairly unbuilt Spanish or Greek destinations.

Now people worry if they don't take their little children to Disneyland/world.

I know of families ( through the work I did) who prioritise big fancy holidays ( yes people are entitled to some of life's enjoyments,) yet still insist on food bank referrals. It was very difficult to assess .
There does seem to be some element of entitlement but I'm still struggling to reconcile that as food bank, baby bank use has exploded exponentially.

There are so many threads on here about bags which I find utterly disgusting. There's been a couple of handbag threads recently, one about a handbag costing up to £2k!
Similarly, threads about fucking candles and which is the best brand! FUCKING candles! When parents cannot afford plimsolls!

Holidays in UK are almost sneered at as it's about giving your family experiences .
We've holidayed, as a family, abroad , once in over thirty years.
We wear clothes that are ordinary from ordinary shops.
Our children have had some amazing adventures abroad which we paid for. Every opportunity, except for skiing , which was declined, was readily paid for by us. Well into their mid to late twenties.
We gave them handsome amounts for deposits and we're happy to live in a modest house in a modest street in ordinary town.

Yes, I think people live beyond their means and we've been exceptionally lucky but it seems to me , on here, that regular jet setting, private schools, private tuition, big fuck off destination weddings are the norm. As well as big fuck off hen parties, stag parties and now, it seems, baby showers ... yet no one can afford child care!

TempleOfBloom · 30/01/2024 23:54

The only people I know who live behind their means do so because they have no choice because they struggle to cover the basics on their income, OR they are compulsive spenders in some way. Spend to compensate , or are generally bad planners, or have no impulse control.

I have never got into debt or missed payments etc, and would always have a contingency. My parents’ approach to money horrified me once I was old enough to understand. As soon as we were old enough to be left home alone (quite young, as I am a child of a time when that was normal) there was a system of little coloured stickers to denote what items we could allow bailiffs to take or not.

I have never been rich, far from it, but I have always been happy to really enjoy what I can do and have within budget, and lucky enough to be able to save a bit for emergencies / contingency / whatever the future may hold,

Threeboysadogandacat · 31/01/2024 02:44

We, just about, live within our means. Our income is low but we don’t go on holiday or eat out, I don’t spend money on hair, nails etc, I meal plan, buy frugally and get any clothes I need from Vinted, eBay or charity shops. I have no savings and recently had to put funeral costs on a credit card, so I suppose that is “beyond my means” but we own our house and car (small Dacia) outright so I think we balance out. My luxury is my pets who are not cheap but I wouldn’t be without them.

LurkingAndVenting · 31/01/2024 02:55

That's their choice if they decide to live beyond their means.

You get to make your own choices there.

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 31/01/2024 04:59

I think expensive interest means people are spending less. I do know people who routinely increased the mortgage to pay for extensions/ home improvements who are really feeling it now fixed rate deals are coming to an end.

Ggttl · 31/01/2024 05:38

I suspect quite a few do because they are buying stuff that I couldn’t afford but they earn the same or less than me. Very few people I know let on, although some do. Many years ago I used to work in a private school office and quite a few parents struggled to pay the fees. I doubt any of the other parents knew as there isn’t much point in having fancy cars, clothes and a wealthy image if everyone knows you are in debt.

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