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AIBU?

In law problems

68 replies

weffers82 · 30/01/2024 08:02

At the weekend myself, my husband, our kids, his brother and wife with their kids and my mil an fil all went away for the night as it was fils 70th and hubby's 40th. It was the bil and his wife who recommended the hotel as they had been before yet failed to mention it was dog friendly. Our middle child is autistic has a MASSIVE dog phobia so as soon as we arrived she was distressed seeing all the dogs in the hotel. As we were walking out of reception after trying to check in a dog came through one of the doors so daughter panicked and tried to rush out of the door, pushing past her grandad in the process, his response (she is 11) "fuck sake you almost knocked me off my feet" I tried to explain she was scared, they all know she is afraid, his response "I don't give a shit, she almost knocked me over" again I tried to explain "I don't care" this is a grandad to his granddaughter. I now feel I don't want my kids around a man like this, my husband usually takes the kids to grandparents on Saturdays while I do the housework but I just dont feel comfortable with it. He has also told my son of in the past for splashing water on the wt room floor when he washed his hands and told him of for coming down the stairs on his bottom saying he will wear the carpet (he is very materialistic). I just dont know how to discuss this with hubby. If you made it this far, thanks for reading 🥹

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

234 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
55%
You are NOT being unreasonable
45%
NoOrdinaryMorning · 30/01/2024 17:00

You FIL sounds common as muck

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CatamaranViper · 30/01/2024 17:32

NoOrdinaryMorning · 30/01/2024 17:00

You FIL sounds common as muck

Nothing wrong with being 'common'. Don't be such a snob.

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kisstheblarney · 30/01/2024 17:50

So, DH left BIL to decide on the hotel that he was celebrating his 40th birthday in.

To be honest, as the organiser, people only ever moan at you if it's not exactly what they want and it's never going please everyone. I have sympathy with the organiser, if it wasn't viewed by DH, then he's unhappy with it, that's on him.

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Allfur · 30/01/2024 18:28

Funny how some of us manage not to swear when knocked in to

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kingzion · 30/01/2024 18:40

Allfur · 30/01/2024 18:28

Funny how some of us manage not to swear when knocked in to

Well done, a blue Peter badge is being sent in the cunting post for ya.

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BMWM340 · 30/01/2024 18:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Same

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BobbyBiscuits · 30/01/2024 18:53

He sounds like a cantakerous old sod. Very similar to many older people from my childhood back in the 80s. I think if he is 'diluted' by others when your kid visits then there's not much need to worry. The kid will tell you if they do not want to be near him, surely? I take it there's no hint of DV etc in Grandad's home? If it were me I would tell DH to keep an eye on him and maybe explain that you as parents don't talk to the kids like that as it's counterproductive and he needs to respect this. I think it might resonate more from DH than you if he is as old school as he sounds.

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doilooklikeicare · 30/01/2024 19:02

Allfur · 30/01/2024 18:28

Funny how some of us manage not to swear when knocked in to

Funny how some of us are able to review the hotel for our 40th birthday and decide if it's to our requirements, instead of blaming the organiser when it's not exactly what they want.

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MsCactus · 30/01/2024 21:43

Aptique · 30/01/2024 14:02

Isn't looking at the hotel the OP's and her dh responsibility though? And dogs are everywhere these day, everywhere! So maybe they didn't think it would be an issue because absolutely everywhere has dogs unless the dd doesn't go anywhere?

If the FIL is 70, he's definitely elderly and most likely also a vulnerable person.

We don't allow people to shove into and harm elderly, vulnerable people - whether they're neuro diverse or not.

Just like we don't let people harm/murder others just because they have learning difficulties. FIL will be frail at that age, a fall could serious injure or even kill him, and he has a right not to be shoved by your DD. YABU in my view

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MamaToABeautifulBoy · 30/01/2024 21:52

MsCactus · 30/01/2024 21:43

If the FIL is 70, he's definitely elderly and most likely also a vulnerable person.

We don't allow people to shove into and harm elderly, vulnerable people - whether they're neuro diverse or not.

Just like we don't let people harm/murder others just because they have learning difficulties. FIL will be frail at that age, a fall could serious injure or even kill him, and he has a right not to be shoved by your DD. YABU in my view

70 is the new 90 according to some posters on this thread Confused

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BingoMarieHeeler · 30/01/2024 21:52

MsCactus · 30/01/2024 21:43

If the FIL is 70, he's definitely elderly and most likely also a vulnerable person.

We don't allow people to shove into and harm elderly, vulnerable people - whether they're neuro diverse or not.

Just like we don't let people harm/murder others just because they have learning difficulties. FIL will be frail at that age, a fall could serious injure or even kill him, and he has a right not to be shoved by your DD. YABU in my view

70??? Frail at 70??? Vulnerable? Jeez. Honestly shocked by the confidence with which you wrote all 70 year olds off as on their last legs 😄 The 70 year olds I know would not appreciate that.

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Lovingitallnow · 30/01/2024 21:55

If my kids ran into my dad- who's younger, and gave him a fright I'd apologise. My kids are NT but much younger, I'd still apologise and not explain that the 2 year old didn't mean it, I'd take that for granted.

I've also never shelled out for a hotel without looking it up to see if it was appropriate for my family. Especially when they were babies and had particular needs. I would definitely look up any accommodation in the future just to see if it's suitable for my family.

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Quitelikeit · 30/01/2024 22:02

Your Fil was harsh but probably got a bit of a shock and reacted without thinking. Overall he might be a bit mouthy for your liking but keep things in perspective.

It takes a village to raise a child as they say and although he can be unpleasant at times he’s not going to adversely affect their childhoods

It was very foolish of you not to check re the pet situation. One of my children is very fussy food wise and I always check in advance what’s on the menu. There’s a lesson for you in there.

hope you enjoy your DHs upcoming celebrations - sans in-laws/kids

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Flottie · 30/01/2024 23:36

PuddlesPityParty · 30/01/2024 15:12

I don’t think you can call anyone out for overreacting

😂😂😂

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phoenixrosehere · 31/01/2024 00:15

I don’t think you’re being entirely unreasonable.

If your BIL knows your autistic child has a fear of dogs and still chose to book a hotel, I’d be annoyed too.

I understand why some are saying you should have checked yourselves but you shouldn’t have to check if someone already knows that your autistic child has a fear that would cause them to run off.


Our DS1 is 9, non-verbal autistic is an escape artist and will bolt if a noise scares him even if he’s wearing ear defenders. DH has had to run after him along with BIL down a pavement on a busy street to chase after him. In-laws know that he has to have some accommodations in place or we can’t go.

Saying that, I have had a child run into me when picking up DS2 and cursed under my breath in pain (not at the child) because they jarred my leg sending pain through me. The child nor the parent apologised, didn’t tell their child to slow down (child was running about in a narrow crowded area where parents were standing in wait) and not run into people or even looked my way despite seeing the child do so, so I can see why your FIL was annoyed, but the way he went about it wasn’t on.

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Tourmalines · 31/01/2024 00:43

You should have checked the hotel first if you know your daughter has a dog phobia, especially a MASSIVE dog phobia . Don’t blame the bil . You should have also apologised or got your daughter to apologise to your fil for pushing past him to the point where she didn’t care who was in her way , she was just going to shove anyone out of the way regardless . Not on , and needs addressing . As for fil , well , that was his reaction. So what . You didn’t like his reaction, he didn’t like yours . As for his house rules , I doubt he is going to harm your kids mental state for god sake . Do they have fun otherwise? Maybe you mollycoddle your kids too much.

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NikkiNoo81 · 17/02/2024 00:38

You obviously know nothing about phobias. Maybe educate yourself before commenting.

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NikkiNoo81 · 17/02/2024 00:41

weffers82 · 30/01/2024 08:02

At the weekend myself, my husband, our kids, his brother and wife with their kids and my mil an fil all went away for the night as it was fils 70th and hubby's 40th. It was the bil and his wife who recommended the hotel as they had been before yet failed to mention it was dog friendly. Our middle child is autistic has a MASSIVE dog phobia so as soon as we arrived she was distressed seeing all the dogs in the hotel. As we were walking out of reception after trying to check in a dog came through one of the doors so daughter panicked and tried to rush out of the door, pushing past her grandad in the process, his response (she is 11) "fuck sake you almost knocked me off my feet" I tried to explain she was scared, they all know she is afraid, his response "I don't give a shit, she almost knocked me over" again I tried to explain "I don't care" this is a grandad to his granddaughter. I now feel I don't want my kids around a man like this, my husband usually takes the kids to grandparents on Saturdays while I do the housework but I just dont feel comfortable with it. He has also told my son of in the past for splashing water on the wt room floor when he washed his hands and told him of for coming down the stairs on his bottom saying he will wear the carpet (he is very materialistic). I just dont know how to discuss this with hubby. If you made it this far, thanks for reading 🥹

My daughter is exactly the same. She is autistic too. She bolted once from a dog and nearly
got run over. We asked the gentleman twice not to come over but he still did and she ran into the road. I understand what you’re going through. I would be fuming at her grandad, he needs to educate himself on autism and phobias.

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