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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding clothes dilemma

37 replies

MoreCandles · 30/01/2024 00:19

My son got married 3 years ago. It was a very nice wedding and enjoyed by all.

My nephew is getting married this year and I am seriously considering wearing the same dress and jacket I wore at my son's wedding. Different shoes and bag.

YABU: You can't do that! It's skanky and everyone will judge you.

YANBU: Nobody will remember what you wore and even if they do, what's
wrong with a bit of recycling?

OP posts:
Hairspray123 · 30/01/2024 00:22

Wear what you want, can you swap the jacket for a cardigan or aomething less mother of the bride/grooom? You dont want to upstage your sis/SIL

Original poster
MoreCandles · 30/01/2024 00:26

Wear what you want, can you swap the jacket for a cardigan or aomething less mother of the bride/grooom? You dont want to upstage your sis/SIL

Good idea, yes I can do that. I most definitely won't upstage my sil.
She'll go overboard whereas mine was quite a relaxed look.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 30/01/2024 00:39

Agree with pp, you need to make sure you don't come across as mother of the groom, so adapt it. (And changing shoes and bag doesn't count)

TigerJoy · 30/01/2024 00:52

Have you got a picture of a similar outfit so we can see how formal it is?

I agree with the principle of rewearing but agree you don't want to look like the actual MOG/MOB

JurassicParkaha · 30/01/2024 00:54

Yes you can definitely wear it again. I don't know what a 'mother of the groom' outfit is like....if 'father of the groom' will look like every other bloke there, why do women need to burden themselves with pointless fashion rules . It's only the bride and groom's outfit that matters....

Original poster
MoreCandles · 30/01/2024 02:04

I agree with the principle of rewearing but agree you don't want to look like the actual MOG/MOB

I absolutely won't. I don't suit formal and rarely wear anything fancy.
Hence I went out of my comfort zone and compromised with a calf length
summer dress (expensive) and a smart tailored jacket. I also wore a
fascinator and felt very foolish in it so that will be dispensed with.

I promise, a stranger at the wedding would not have known I was MOG
unless someone told them (until it became obvious through the ceremony)

As a pp suggested, I'll probably get a smart cardigan or perhaps a different
coloured jacket. My aibu is, half the guests at this wedding will have been
at the last one. And if they do notice I'm wearing the same dress, are they
going to be judgy about it?

OP posts:
Gemstonebeach · 30/01/2024 02:33

I wouldn’t notice given it is three years between unless it was a real showstopper but it sounds like it is just a lovely dress. I might notice if the weddings were a weekend apart.

nzeire · 30/01/2024 02:46

of course! I never knew the likes of getting a new outfit for every wedding, until I moved to Ireland. The waste! cant stand it. I had friends with wardrobes full of occasion stuff that was worn once, mad!

imho ;$

Teaandcrumpets86 · 30/01/2024 03:24

No-one will notice. It’s nice to be able to rewear the clothes, especially because weddings are probably the only place most ‘wedding clothes’ are really appropriate (unless you go to lots of royal tea parties 😂).
I’d agree with the person above that changing the jacket for a cardigan in a different colour might be a good idea. It’ll make the outfit look completely different and also a bit less ‘mother of the bride/groom’.
If you’re also changing the accessories and ditching the fascinator then you’ll be completely fine.

MrsCatE · 30/01/2024 05:34

To be honest, I doubt anyone will remember!

Yipedydodah · 30/01/2024 05:47

Change the jacket to a cardigan and you can probably use the same shoes and bag. Most won’t notice.

DobieGrayshark · 30/01/2024 05:54

My dad wore the same suit for my wedding, my sister’s wedding, a couple of other weddings and my mum’s funeral. It’s a nice suit and still fit each time and I don’t think anyone noticed. Wear the same outfit.

TheWonderSpot · 30/01/2024 06:02

Of course you can wear the dress again. What exactly would you be judged FOR? Using a lovely dress in your wardrobe rather than buying a new one? I wouldn't care about the opinion of anyone who judged that wrong. Please don't act according to petty, materialistic rules that are not even your own.

fairo · 30/01/2024 06:05

It's fine.unless it's particularly distinctive no one will notice and if they do they won't care. Politely you aren't Catherine of Wales so there won't be silly articles about you "reusing" an outfit in the paper.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/01/2024 06:07

If I noticed it would be because I would be pleased to see you got another wear out of it. My Mother-of-the-Groom outfit hasn't been worn again.

2024namechange · 30/01/2024 06:21

My uncle and his wife got married later in life and she wore a navy blue suit instead of anything especially bridal. Neither of them really go out or dress up much.

They have both worn some combination of their own wedding attire at every smart event and wedding they have been to since ‘08. It’s fine.

StanSaid · 30/01/2024 06:43

My son got married four years ago. The outfit that I wore to his wedding has since seen another wedding, two christenings and a graduation.
Nothing wrong with wearing the outfit again. If you like the outfit and how it makes you feel, then wear it.

MaggieFS · 30/01/2024 08:14

Of course it fine.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/01/2024 09:43

Does it have a particular pattern on the dress or are there any other 'unique' features that would make it stand out as being the one that Auntie @MoreCandles wore in the other wedding?

Take a look at the family photograph from your son's wedding. What from that photo can you change to make the dress appear to look different?

You probably won't have your handbag in the photos so don't count that.
If you're not going to wear the fascinator again, might you wear a hat or some other thing in your hair like this:
https://www.claires.com/silver-tone-pave-rhinestone-leaf-hair-comb-213676.html?lang=en_GB&cgid=48&selectedshipment=ship_to_address

Would there be anything in Hobbs in their Occasion Jackets range that you could wear over the dress:
https://www.hobbs.com/occasion/clothing/jackets/
Just some thoughts.

Evening & Occasion Jackets for Women | Hobbs London |

Hobbs

https://www.hobbs.com/occasion/clothing/jackets

Precipice · 30/01/2024 10:42

Of course you can wear the same dress again, OP. But don't call it "recycling"! It's not like you're making the dress into a top and skirt. It's the same item of clothing it was.

Original poster
MoreCandles · 30/01/2024 10:46

Of course you can wear the same dress again, OP. But don't call it "recycling"!

Yeah, OK you're right. I think most knew what I meant though.

OP posts:
User1775 · 30/01/2024 10:47

I got told off my my cousins fiancee about this, it was momentarily horrible then quite glorious. She made a side comment "Are you going to get a new dress or are you going for the full set" - referring to the fact that I am wearing the same dress in 4 of the 9 wedding photos on her mums wall. I told her I had a budget for the wedding and was happy to get a new dress but it would mean not buying a gift, so she should choose what was more important. DB then pointed out that her dad and DB were wearing the same suit in ALL 9 photos and she eventually plumped for the gift. Wear what the fuck you want.

ACynicalDad · 30/01/2024 10:50

My mum wore an outfit she wore to someone else's wedding to mine, she couldn't see anything she prefered. We are still on speaking terms.

HiCandles · 30/01/2024 10:54

Definitely ok to wear it again. I cannot say I remember what an aunt wore to a cousin's wedding, or what anyone wore really! And it's not like people are going to be poring over the photos beforehand ready to catch people out.
If anyone does comment, just say cheerfully 'I really like it and haven't had an opportunity to wear it again yet'.
My mother wore an outfit to my wedding as MOB, then a different outfit to my sister's very small Covid time wedding then wore the my-wedding-outfit to same sister's bigger party wedding a couple of years later. I think with same jacket even. She said it made her feel the most confident and had certainly spent enough money on it to get 2 wears out of it! Nobody said a thing or even noticed tbh. If asked she was going to explain this was her MOB 'uniform', same as FOB wearing a suit.

Original poster
MoreCandles · 30/01/2024 11:02

Does it have a particular pattern on the dress or are there any other 'unique' features that would make it stand out as being the one that Auntie @MoreCandleswore in the other wedding?

It does have a particular pattern. It won't have to stand out to be picked up
by certain members of dh's family who seem to obsess over what they're going to wear - and more annoyingly - over what I'm going to wear.

It's in July and they've already started asking "Have you got your outfit yet?"

So my answer will be, yes I have already got appropriate clothing.
Thanks all. It's going to be easier than I thought.

OP posts: