Driving instructor stringing us along

[Foreverfrustrated97]

I need some help mumsnetters.
Our DD is having driving lessons currently with an instructor recommended to us. She isn't the most confident person in the world and can be quite nervous. However she has been having lessons since August and has not even done right turns out of a junction. Barely done any dual carriageway and just seems to do basic road work. She has also filled the car up with fuel a couple of times.
I am concerned that she isn't progressing very much. I have asked the instructor who said they are preparing her the best he can for the test and is looking for consistent safe driving. Surely in 6 months we would have more progress? For context she does 1.5 hours each week.

What we are also considering is Pass Me Fast or National Intensive for a better experience and get her through the driving. Does anyone have any experience with these companies? They have good reviews on Trustpilot. My AIBU is should I sack off the instructor or is my daughter just not a driver?

What does she think, does she think she’s capable of more than he’s teaching her? She should shout up to him if so. Ask for these things.

My ds has done 7 x 2 hour lessons and has been on dual carriageways, done reversing manoeuvres, parking, etc. Has driven miles to where the test centres are to get him more familiar with the roads there.

I'd switch instructors. I had to change instructors a couple of times before I passed; one had me just running her son about to different places, another was very belligerent and angry with me if I was nervous. I think some people are just better at teaching practical skills than others, so switch if it's not working for her. Also, this is a business and she is the consumer, it's not 'disloyal' to switch.

Sounds like your DD is struggling, to be honest. A driving instructor isn't going to move on to "harder" and more dangerous driving if the pupil hasn't mastered the basics and is driving safely.

A different instructor may be better, may give your DD more confidence, etc.

But 1.5 hours per week isn't much if she's not getting extra practice in between from you/your other half. Can you not take her out yourself between lessons to give her more practice and build confidence?

Have you been out practicing with her to see her skills for yourself? I wonder if she's a much more nervous driver than you realise which is why he's going so slow

This.

Have you taken her for a drive yourself?
My son has been learning since late August and is taking his test in a fortnight. If it wasn’t for the long waiting lists for a test, I think he’d have his license.

I would switch instructors and see how you get on.
I was learning at the same time as a colleague, and the difference was astonishing. I was doing manoeuvres, dual carriage (obviously all the gears)
Colleague was on slow roads only up to 3rd gear, no right turns out of junctions.
It was bizarre.

Switch instructors. Sometimes an instructor and their pupil just aren’t a good fit.

The big companies take your money and then try and find local instructors with gaps to do the course it’s not the best way for an anxious driver.

Have you considered extra practice with you?

Sounds like she needs a more bespoke 2 lessons a week approach too.

We got ds lessons for his 12th birthday with young drivers. He was reversing on his first lesson and parked the car at the end so I'm very surprised to read that your dd is doing what she's doing 6 months in.

My daughter is hyper anxious and has CFS , she started learning in Mid Jan 23 1 hr per week and passed her test at the start of October ( not her 1st test ). Ask on your local FB page for some recommendations- we picked the instructor we wanted ( lady ) in Sept 22 and waited until she could fit us in . Like a pp ours would have passed quicker if it wasn’t so hard to get a test .

YANBU, that’s terrible. It’s not uncommon for some driving instructors to string customers along for as long as possible.

It’s because I had a great driving instructor who took pride in their students passing their test that I could see my sibling and friend were being strung along by theirs.

One instructor would take student to drive far away from home, whereas my instructor got me familiar with my local area around the local driving test centre.

I think it would be worth changing instructors to see if that makes a difference?

I can't remember what mine were doing - they did have a lot of lessons but I was too chicken to sit in with them and although he wouldn't admit it, so was DH because he didn't do it either!! The two of the three who did learn to drive are very competent, safe drivers so for me, it was worth it. Also amazing driving instructor who was very patient, and very calm!

Have you ever been in the car with her to see her skill level for yourself?

i learnt to drive nearly forty years ago in a mini 850.

I had 90 minute lessons on the advice of the instructor - an hour being to short, and two hours was too tiring. I knew the basics though before I had lessons, and I passed after four lessons.

One of my children had an instructor, who had a lovely car, yet was terrified of it getting damaged, told them to change gear at 2,500rpm - what happens when you have a car with no rev counter, I didn’t have a rev counter until 2years ago.

There were other things too, which I thought this isn’t right. I then phoned up my instructor, and she was still was doing abit, six lessons with her in her basic micra and she had passed.

I think it’s like training at work, get a trainer who knows what they are talking about and who is patient, you pass the training a lot quicker than a trainer who is inpatient and is in the training department because of nepotism

I think you need to see for yourself before you change instructors, my DD has been learning on and off since last June and she is now driving everywhere and doing all types of roads etc but has only done a few 3 point turns etc…. She was so nervous too start with and once I saw it for myself I understood that the instructor was taking it at her pace. This is all about your DD and others safety if she is capable then change company, if not it just sometimes takes some people longer!

Our nemesis now is the theory test - failed 6 times by 1 point for the last 3 trys! passing all the app tests at home, nerves makes the dyslexia worse which in turn is making DD so unhappy! For some this driving thing is such a challenge I hope your DD finds a pace that is right for her 😀

Change instructor. I had one like this to start with. He’s taking advantage.

Was he out driving on the main roads with other road users??

maybe the instructor feels this person is a risk to other road users which is why he’s doing what he is, to get her to a safe level to then advance further.

Change instructor.
My dd1 had an instructor that seemed to be holding her back, very little progression. New instructor soon had he going.

Dd2 started to drive mid August, she passed 1st week in December. She did a lot of driving though. She drove to and from work everyday with dh, 40 mins each way and then a 2 hour lesson a week.

Don’t use Pass Me Fast.

I stupidly signed DD up to try and get her through her test quickly as our area had zero available instructors. It still took SIX MONTHS from contacting them to her getting her driving test done (in the end with a private non PMF instructor)

They allocated a very poor instructor who repeatedly cancelled lessons (even the first few she was meant to do) and then two days before her driving test, he cancelled as his car was unavailable and refused to cover the cost of another test.

He then disappeared off the face of the earth owing us 10 hours of lessons and PMF couldn’t care less - they just said they were unable to refund us as the instructor had refused to pay them the money back…

Seriously. Find a new instructor (privately). All of my DC were test ready within 5-6 months so to not have even done right turns is bonkers!

I had this, recommended instructor that Dh thought was stringing us along, changed instructors and she said ds1 was a lovely little driver and was ready for his test which as oncoming.

My son had a year of lessons aged 17 and struggled.terribly with nerves and didn't seem.to.get anywhere. In the end he stopped driving and went back to it when he felt ready. With a different instructor a couple of years down the line it clicked and he did it in 6 months. The change of instructor was huge for him,.he went from thinking he was no good to seeing himself as a driver.
My youngest passed in 2 months from start to finish. He is very coordinated and very motivated. He did two hours a week with the instructor and nagged to.practice with us all the time.

I only had 1 x 1 hour lesson a week with no other driving and passed within 8 months (not including no lessons during lockdowns). No minors, perfect test. So it's either your daughter is more nervous than you realise or the instructor is shit.

Fast pass instructors don't exist. It's just a way to get your money. You still have to wait for test slots like everyone else and it's very rare a young person is ready to drive after such a short time.
Also do you really want to rush them through? They could pass by fluke and then have to go out on the roads unsupervised. It's not what I'd want.
The filling up with fuel is very dodgy though - that shouldn't be happening unless it's the instructor paying and they are teacher your daughter things like that for when she has to do it for her own car.