Driving instructor stringing us along

[Foreverfrustrated97]

I need some help mumsnetters.
Our DD is having driving lessons currently with an instructor recommended to us. She isn't the most confident person in the world and can be quite nervous. However she has been having lessons since August and has not even done right turns out of a junction. Barely done any dual carriageway and just seems to do basic road work. She has also filled the car up with fuel a couple of times.
I am concerned that she isn't progressing very much. I have asked the instructor who said they are preparing her the best he can for the test and is looking for consistent safe driving. Surely in 6 months we would have more progress? For context she does 1.5 hours each week.

What we are also considering is Pass Me Fast or National Intensive for a better experience and get her through the driving. Does anyone have any experience with these companies? They have good reviews on Trustpilot. My AIBU is should I sack off the instructor or is my daughter just not a driver?

@BigTubOfLard

I had people tell me they only had ten lessons from scratch and then passed their test .

He's taking the piss I think.
I mean she could be really nervous and that's why the progress is extremely slow but even with the most nervous drivers you'd expect them to have done a right turn out of a junction within 6 months!!
And if she is really so nervous that this isn't possible he should be honest and recommend that she stops and tries again in a couple of years, possibly getting some kind of therapy of some description to help with the nervousness (I have no idea what that might entail). What he should not be doing is keeping on and on taking her money if she is too nervous to drive at the moment.

I think you should change instructors. I learned to drive in my 30s and I had to do that because the first one was too wishy washy - I couldn't get the hang of reversing into a parking spot because he kept saying "you just have to feel it". I wasn't "feeling it". Had no idea what I was supposed to be feeling - all I felt was anxious that I was going to prang someone's car!
Changed instructors and he sorted that out within half an hour by telling me exactly what to look for in the mirrors etc.

Took me 3 months of 2 x 2 hours a week (usually) before I was ready for my test. Upping the frequency would probably help but if she's not getting on with the instructor then find another one. Does she actually want to learn?

It's off road. 😀
My daughter who is 16 is doing Young Drivers before she can start proper lessons when she turns 17.
Her lessons are on the roof a large shopping centre car park. You can only get up to 2nd gear, but it teaches the basics like using the clutch, mirror/signal/manouvre etc.

It could be that the instructor isn’t right for her. My first one was a grumpy git and I didn’t feel I was making good progress with him. He moved away a few weeks into my lessons so I found another one but then discovered that he was well known for trying to keep pupils as long as possible and not get them through the test. I have up learning with him then started again last year with a brilliant instructor who got me to the test in 6 months. I did the theory test after 2 months and she actually said when I passed that, that I was ready for the practical so should put in for it but I couldn’t get a date for 4 months. She said I could try for a cancellation but I didn’t feel confident myself. It’s now 2.5 months since I passed the test and I feel loads more confident since I started driving on my own.

I was a nervous learner and did 3 x 3 hour lessons a week for three months then passed, it helped massively as I didn’t go too far backwards between lessons.

It will also depend on your DD.. my brother and I had the same instructor - we both passed first time. My brother needed 10 lessons, I took 34(!)
My brother has always been naturally more self confident than me and I think that played a massive role.

^ This. She needs to practice what she is learning between lessons, otherwise it'll take ages for her to gain confidence. If you/your husband can't take her (because of personality clash, say) then do you have a kind friend she can go with. You should look to just driving about to local chores eg the supermarket or to go visit a friend, and should let her driver at least double the amount of time she has in lessons.

Can you not read? Very dodgy UNLESS the instructor is paying. Jesus

Why is that taking the piss?

I filled up my instructors car a couple of times because I'd never done it before. He said he always shows people how to do it so their first time isn't on their own, which makes perfect sense to me.

He also taught me how to check the oil, fill up the washer fluid and do a few other basic checks like tyres. Learning to drive is more than just driving - you need to know how to run the car safely too.

I went with my niece to fill up her car as she'd never done it on a lesson. Also showed her how to put air in her tyres using the machine at the garage.

Is it hard to get lessons in your area?

if a driving instructor has a waiting list for lessons then they will want to get your daughter passed so they can take on another pupil. If they are struggling for business then they might be holding your daughter back.

That being said everyone learns at a different pace, have you been out practising with her? How does she think lessons are going? Is she enjoying it? I would describe myself as a very competent and confident driver now, but the first 6 months with my first instructor were awful, I hated them and I really struggled and failed my first test. When I switched instructors I passed after 6 lessons.

Or even his licence.

It's spelt with a letter C in the UK. 👍

Have read the thread til this point, so sorry if anyone has pointed it out since, but you can hire dual control (manual) cars by the hour from e.g. Arnold Clarke. Much, much cheaper than paying an instructor.

(I am assuming you have a manual licence yourself.)

I also had to take my driving instructor's son to different places! Some people really take advantage of young learners don't they?

I swapped instructers a few times but then went with one of the big companies and had a much better experience. Gave me a booklet of what we would be covering and when so I knew what was coming up. Passed quickly after that.

Thanks everyone. For those confused about the fuel, we have taken let her fill our cars up so she can do it and he paid for it not her. Found out tonight too that he talks to her about films and movies most of the time rather than the road. We have contacted a couple of others who specialise in nervous drivers. Thanks again

It took me 2 years on an automatic to pass. Not because I'm nervous, but because I'm bad at it. Some of us just don't have those abilities.

The source of the answers to all this is your DD herself.

I found that too, that some instructors use younger students for their emotional needs.

It’s nice to have a chat but not when your students are paying you to teach them.

It's fine to change her driving Instructor. I did, when learning to drive about 27 years ago. I was an older learner ( not particularly nervous) and the first Instructor, from a big, well-known driving school was an absolute arse.

First lesson, after I had told him that I had never ever driven a car before, he took me up a very busy road and told me to turn right into a road off it. I didn't turn the wheel very hard and could easily have had an accident ( daughter nearly had a fit when I told her where it was.) Instructor was very ratty about it. Lessons 2 and 3 were ok but not brilliant. Lesson 4 we were doing junctions. He told me to keep going, but I could see a big black dog running down the road towards my car from the opposite road where I was supposed to be going so I didn't move. Instructor was ratty again. I sacked him!

Found another Instructor who was very calm and explained things well. Passed my test 1st time. But I also got lots of practice in our own car with my DH - commuting from our home to a big city every day

Blimey, I passed my driving test at 17, many moons ago. It took me a while after that before I could chat and drive at the same time. So I couldn't have chatted while driving before I passed the test - unless we were stationary with the engine off and no traffic around.

I was ripped off many years ago by my first Driving instructor, literally "taken for a ride" I block booked and paid for 10 x 2hr lessons. This was pre internet days where you had to scrawl the yellow pages, local papers etc. so no reviews to go by. I still get mad thinking about it now😆20 odd years later.
He would pick me up and he would drive me to a trading estate up here in the North East often in still rush hour traffic on the A1 motorway. Would take 20/30 minutes to get there he'd talk for 10/15 mins about the lesson, I'd actually drive for 45 minutes and then he'd drive me home again. I never got off a straight road around the whole place, never even got up to 4th gear ever with him.
He then kept ringing and ringing and ringing leaving messages on answering machine to book for weeks until he finally took the hint and gave up.
I was actually put off for a good while from learning and took another 5 different instructors and another 12 years before I eventually decided to start learning again.

I had an instructor pre lockdown and wasn't comfortable with him at all. Binned him after 4 lessons just driving round in circles on the local housing estate. Couldn't get lessons during lockdown and last year went via Pass Me Fast. They were rubbish and I had to chase them loads and got contacted within 24hrs when they finally put my details on the instructor portal. Got a lovely lady who got me through my test in just over 3 months. We are now booking my daughter in with her.

if she is finding it difficult, would learning on an automatic car help? she could get an automatic only license?

I had 10 lessons and did everything necessary - roundabouts, dual carriage way etc

One instructor would take student to drive far away from home, whereas my instructor got me familiar with my local area around the local driving test centre.

It shouldn't be either or. The second will help in getting you through the test but the first is good to get you driving properly on the roads. Passing the test doesn't mean you're a good driver, unfortunately.