Visiting parents in home country

[Ladyinpink11]

I will try and keep this brief. I am originally from a different country, have lived in the UK many years, my parents are still both in my home country. The plan was originally to move back but is looking less and less likely due to a number of reasons. I try and visit as often as I can- usually ever 2 months, but now every approx. 3 months, so they can see their grandchild. They come over about once a year. We skype every morning at breakfast. Still I have the feeling sometimes that it is never enough and feel guilty that I am not living nearer them. But then I think they could visit more often too! Do you think visiting every 3 months (for about 2 weeks each time) is good enough on my part?

How is visiting that often and for that long even sustainable? What about work and school?

Do what you want. It's not upto them. Do you even want to visit them that much? Daily calls is a lot.

That's a lot of visiting from you.

You’re doing your best. Every breakfast is a big commitment.
What’s the time difference with the other country? How long and how expensive is it to travel there?
Do you live near your ILs and see them often?

@Ponderingwindow , its usually in school holidays and my work is very fexible

@BoohooWoohoo , thank you. I do feel it is sometimes a bit much speaking every morning, to be honest. But if I dont, then I tend to think "But they don't see the grandkid otherwise"

I just think sometimes they could visit a bit more often really. They dont love to travel, but are, for their age, fit and healthy (knock wood it stays that way!)

Edited to say, we see the in laws every 3 weeks or so.

Seems like loads tbh. We only go back to uk once per year on average. Maybe in laws come to us once a year also. My parents never visit.

I’d been living in the UK for many years when I had DS. It never occurred to me that I needed to make up for not having had my child in my home country. I visited when I could, and kept an Instagram so the grandparents could see day to say things, but I certainly didn’t Skype daily or spend a fortnight every three months with them!

I can't believe you Skype every morning! Can I suggest slowly introducing changes, starting with this? One day the children will refuse and that wont be fun.

@DisforDarkChocolate , I think you are right. It really is a lot. We kind of started this arrangement in lockdown but it really is a bit much

@AnglepoisePond Thank you for your reply. I am actually really glad I have started this thread as it makes me see things from a different perspective!

Your generation has it hard. A couple of generations before mine people immigrated and that was the last we knew of them. Now you cross the world and still have to spend hours chatting to your parents every day

My parents are overseas and I only visit them once a year for a couple of weeks. I have only got 25 days annual leave and I don’t want to spend all my leave visiting them.

@NewYearResolutions That's fair enough, and understandable!

I live a few streets away from my parents and have less contact

Surely you tell them the road goes both ways..

My parents live half an hour away and we have less contact than this!

Honestly, it's way too much.

@CallingAllAvengingAngels I suppose it really varies massively from family to family doesn't it! As long as everyone is happy all is good

That’s so much! I grew up with grandparents in a different country and pre-FaceTime, we saw them once a year for a couple of weeks in the summer holidays in their country and then they’d normally come here for a week or so at some point.

We were still very close to them as children with that level of contact!

Well then, that's your answer. Are you happy? Your parents are extended family now, your responsibility is to your household.

Way too much!
Ditch the daily FaceTime at breakfast. Have seen this in other relatives and it’s painful to watch the kids.
Don’t feel guilty for not moving back to your home country! Live your own life

Wow, that's more than enough. Although stopping it now, your parents probably will take it hard and personal ☹️
Are you an only child?
I know culturally it can be hard pleasing parents like this, but realistically how much would you have seen them if you were living back in your country? I'm sure it wouldn't be this much unless you were living with them

Just make the amount of contact you’re happy with.
If you’re happy with the amount you visit and the calls then why change it? If you feel it’s too much dial it back a bit.
Everyone will have totally different relationships with their families and therefore different levels of contact, I don’t think it’s one of those threads where you will receive a general consensus- literally just do what you’re happy with!

Snap. We do video call once every couple of weeks but my kids are late primary now and often don't want to be on camera too long

@jhy You are probably right about the point that if I was living there I wouldn't see them all the time either! Thank you.

I think part of me thinking like this is because where I come from, families tend to stay closer geographically in general. I am not an only child, my older sister lives far away also (but also visits when she can)