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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my Mother NOT to put her fingers in my babys mouth ?

27 replies

Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 15:51

Not only for health reasons (she hadn't washed her hands (urrghhh) but also I find it a very intimate thing to do (we aren't close)

OP posts:
belgo · 20/03/2008 15:53

but why does she do it? For your baby to suck on?

hecate · 20/03/2008 15:53

No, but to be honest - it doesn't even matter if the world and his wife thinks you are BU - Your baby your rules !

Original poster
Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 15:55

To be honest I think she does it to anatagonise me,but I may be paranoid. Supposedly to soothe ie - instead of a dummy I suppose.
It makes me furious even thinking about it !!

OP posts:
Nappyzone · 20/03/2008 15:56

YANBU - When i had my ds the bounty woman came round taking photos and i had no idea who or why and my ds was crying and she put her finger in his mouth and he went quiet for a milli second so she could get her money shot - after the event me and dh were very . I wish i had rang up and ocmplained but i never did.

Icantbelieveitsnotdragonbutter · 20/03/2008 16:02

I hate that too. Random old women always stick there fingers in babies mouth then say, 'oooh i think he's hungry'.
So annoying.

mazzystar · 20/03/2008 16:06

Did little one like it?
This is your mother, her grandchild, so surely best to assume it was done with love, not some random old dear

Stopfighting · 20/03/2008 16:06

Em tell her not to

PotPourri · 20/03/2008 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 16:09

I did tell her to stop - that's the question ...? AIBU to tell her ?

OP posts:
belgo · 20/03/2008 16:10

if you think she's doing it to antagonise you, then maybe telling her would make her do it all the more?

cluckyagain · 20/03/2008 16:11

NO - not unreasonable!!

Stopfighting · 20/03/2008 16:12

YANBU. Will she respect your request?

Original poster
Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 16:12

Exactly what happened Belgo !

OP posts:
ALMummy · 20/03/2008 16:13

Yuck, yuck and yuck again. What is it with middle aged women and fingers in babies mouths? YANBU.

MrsBadger · 20/03/2008 16:13

YANBU to ask her nicely not to do it

BU would be banning her from the house, beating her round the head with a fish, causing a family schism etc etc

(remmeber in a few months dd will be chewing your shoes / rugs / dogfood and fingers will be the least of your worries)

mazzystar · 20/03/2008 16:13

if you don't like it - fair enough
but I imagine that your mum is trying to show affection to her grandchild, and that if you do ask her to stop she may be upset - reasonably or unreasonably- esp, if as you say, you are not close.

Ilovenutella · 20/03/2008 16:13

Agree with hecate - your baby, your rules, it is up to you what is reasonable so I think you are perfectly reasonable to say you'd prefer it if she didn't. Probably meant in an affectionate way though....

Stopfighting · 20/03/2008 16:14

Then don't let her hold your baby.

soapbox · 20/03/2008 16:17

How odd - I've always thought of it as a perfectly normal thing to do to comfort a small baby.

I'm old, but not that old!

Original poster
Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 16:19

Problem is that anything I ask her not to do, she sees as a challenge.I asked her not to take DS1 across a v.busy main road which runs outside her house (he is very good at slipping your hand and legging it and she is getting on a bit) - so now she makes a point of doing it whenever we visit and I am not physically around to stop her. My DH and I now feel we cannot leave her alone with the kids at all, which is sad. We haven't said that to her - we just make sure we are always around.

OP posts:
Stopfighting · 20/03/2008 16:22

That is sad, but you cannot take any chances. Does she have some nice qualities??

Original poster
Mum1369 · 20/03/2008 16:27

Still looking for them...

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 20/03/2008 16:28

ugh yanbu.

My sil stuck her dirty purposefully-chocolate-covered finger in my two day old baby's mouth. I was too tired and intimidated to say anything but I get incensed everytime I think about it now. All my il's used to stick their fingers in my baby's mouth constantly whenever we visited, I have no idea why. Then I got more confident as a mother and asked them not to.

It makes you feel like a mug to be sterilising bottles, dummies etc and there they are, full of a cold, sticking their snotty fingers in his tiny mouth. This is a bugbear of mine. I wouldn't dream of putting my fingers in someone else's baby's mouth, what are they thinking? In fact come to think of it, I don't even do it to my own baby! Anyway, yanbu, sorry for waffling.

belgo · 20/03/2008 16:28

let's hope your baby gets teeth fast

lackaDAISYcal · 20/03/2008 16:39

like oithers have said your baby' your rules so YANBU.

My MIL did this to DD when she was only days old....she said it was OK because she'd dipped her finger in her cup of tea first . My look, as I kindly asked her NOT to do that again, must have said it all because she has never repeated it (at least not when I've been in the room)