Please be kind. I understand this will hit a nerve with some people. This doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to act on it. I think it's more of a fantasy or a need rather than having the audacity to actually do it.
Me and DP are in a rubbish place at the minute. He's lazy, rude, treats me like absolute crap and shows me absolutely no affection or intimacy. He bullies me about my weight, the way I look, things I do, literally everything. He treats me like a maid. We have a toddler but he does absolutely nothing. He's very selfish in the he sense that he only thinks about himself and his needs. He's not supportive and frankly I'm so unhappy now. This isn't how I envisioned my life. I just want to feel loved and wanted and have a partner who wants to be with me and treats me well. And I know people will say just leave, it's not that simple. I've no friends or family at all and live in an area that I am not from so am quite isolated. DP supports me and DS financially. I don't even think I want to have a physical affair. I think it's more an emotional need. I need someone to fulfill me emotionally and just be a shoulder to cry on. I have a neighbours who is much in the same position as me. We confide in each other and we also have some quite flirty banter and theres definitely a spark there although we've never discussed it or acted on it in any way. We act like very good friends. I find myself thinking about him a lot and confusing in him more and more and him the same to me. I know it's wrong but in my head I'm having all these thoughts of me and him just running away together and being happy and I feel bad and guilty. I love my DP even though we aren't in a great place. I'm struging to get my head around all the feelings and emotions that I am feeling at the moment. I've told DP how I feel in the sense that I feel like there is no love anymore, no intimacy and he just treats me like crap and this relationship is a relationship of habit. He didn't disagree but also said "I am responsible for my own happiness" which is true but he's not even willing to listen or understand, we've argued and h s gone to sleep in the spare room. I find myself sat here and my heart is just breaking b cause deep down I know our relationship is over but I can't bring myself to leave. Hence these thoughts I'm having about someone else. I think it's a fantasy rather than playing it out. I don't have the balls to ever do it, or the confidence but am I wring to even be thinking about it?
I know I'll get som stick for this but I would like some outside input or even just a kick up the arse.