Unsolicited opinions

[storminabuttercup]

AIBU to think sometimes people need to keep their opinions to themselves? I'm noticing more and more both in real life and on socials that people have to input where it's just not needed and it seems to be just a thing nowadays

Few examples of many:

In the office, talking about weekend plans one woman mentions she's going to a seaside place for the weekend, other woman 'oh I hate it there, it's awful really awful' first woman 'oh we like it' woman 2 'no it's awful, just horrid' first woman looks a bit bemused and said 'oh well we will enjoy I'm sure' and swiftly changed the subject

Woman posts on social media her husband has whisked her away to a winter sun destination another woman comments 'we were there last year, it was awful, rained the whole time, you wouldn't get me going again'

Personal one, friend asked me plans for weekend, I had been bought tickets to the theatre and said I was very much looking forward to it they said 'oh I can't think of anything worse it sounds utterly boring'

Now I get we're all entitled opinions but in all these cases it just puts a downer on what others are doing

I'm not saying it's just women who do it either just these examples were

I also know I'm bashing others having an opinion by having an opinion, and I'm being half light hearted when I ask are you noticing this too or am I just surrounded by a bunch of over sharers? (is there a better word)

It’s usually rooted in jealousy.

It just makes me feel sad for others when it's like I mentioned but sometimes it's nothing to be jealous about it's odd behaviour

I don't have any issues hearing other people's opinions, because I don't value anybody else's opinion above - or even equal - to my own.

Happy to hear it but it's always from a novelty perspective.

I know what you mean, I'm not bothered with the opinions of people I'm talking to directly but I've noticed a social shift in recent years when others who just happen to be in earshot think they can jump in with their unwanted opinion.

I agree with you. I just don't understand what those people think will happen:

"oh ok Sandra, I'll just cancel my trip to Spain right now then because you hated it and don't like Spanish food, hold on and I'll just ring and cancel the flights".

There are plenty of places I wouldnt choose to go but if someone I know is excited going there then why rain on their parade like a dickhead, it's so miserly and mean spirited. It's like, if someone just bought a bag or a coat you didnt personally like you'd hardly say "ewww! well it's just shit isnt it?" so why is this any different?

This made me laugh because my mother is exactly like this. It is simply that she has no concept that other people might have different interests or like different things. If she doesn't like it, why would you?

I'm glad in a way I'm not the only one noticing this.

Yes raining on others parade is a good way of putting it. I do have one friend who is really bad for it, it's draining and I've sometimes been tempted to do the same back to give her a taste of how it feels but I can't, it's just shitty behaviour.

I do wonder if the shift to this becoming more of a thing is due to social media, there's Facebook pages dedicated to being horrid to folk, shaming people and so on?

Why would people say that, it’s so rude. If I ask someone their weekend plans and it’s something I don’t enjoy I’d never say oh that sounds horrible. These people sound rude

My brother is like it. Whatever film, book, song he likes, he thinks everyone else should, too. Anything other people like is just crap, according to him

I think it sounds like you don't like the opinions f people who aren't just going along with what you think.

Or, to put it another way, if those same people chimed in with fawning praise for the destinations and plans, you'd have no problem and this thread wouldn't exist.

But, top tip for life, of you want to have a conversation with Zoe and only hear Zoe's opinion, don't talk to Zoe when Haley, John, Gary and Dr Amadeus Xanthor III are there.

Don't do it back, don't engage in the cycle of pettiness 🤣

I'd just say "well it's a good job you're not coming then!" literally every time!

That's a bit of a reach especially as only one of the examples involve me..

No I wouldn't. They'd probably not notice anyway

It's your personal example that proves my point.

Your friend asked what you were doing.
You told them.
They responded.

That's not unsolicited opinion, she asked what you were doing and commented on what you were doing.

If your friend had gushed in their response about how great the theatre is, you'd not have included it, but as it goes against what your opinion is, they're wrong or you call it unsolicited.

It's almost like you want your opinions and to have no one else have different ones.. and then post here to get other peoples solicited opinions but only want people to agree with your opinions so you can disagree with those that don't agree with your opinions..

🤪👍
Ttfn

People just seem to have lost some of those social niceties/ manners that make it easy for us to be around !

I don't think the norm but I love opinionated people and it doesn't bother me at all when there opinion is different to me (provided we can respectfully agree to disagree!)

I know what you mean OP and I don’t think you only want opinions that agree with you. It’s just not polite to slag off other people’s choices to their face. My friend is really outdoorsy and loves going camping; I insist on only sleeping indoors in a bed. When she goes camping I don’t make a big show of slagging it off, I just say “oh I hope you have a lovely time”.

@marshmallowhearts thanks, I do get that everyone is different, and yeah opinions are great but it's a bit shitty to bang on about how crap someone else's plans are, it's just unnecessary.

But then there's those folk who think saying exactly what they think no matter how it makes someone feel makes them all cool and edgy

My mum does this so I’m used to it, I just laugh it off. Or holiday destinations / restaurants etc, I try and imply they’re the problem, like the person shitting on it is boring or doesn’t know how to enjoy life. That annoys them.

And this is one of the reasons Mners struggle with friendships.

Can you honestly not see the difference between having a negative opinion or experience of something and sharing it, unasked, with someone who has just announced they are departing on a holiday to/have booked tickets for it?

In your head, does the conversation go:

’We’re going to Paris next week.’
’Oh, I’ve been to Paris — what a shithole. Dogshit, pickpockets, no escalators on the Metro.’
’Well, we go there often and like it, but now that you’ve said that, we realise we were wrong all these years! Where should we go instead?’

I can't say I've experienced this, but if I did, I hope I'd have the guts to respond with a teenage-type, "Rude" & jog on.

The big me thinks "ignore them". The petty me (who often wins out....lol) says "well aren't you just a ray of sunshine" or "gosh Sandra, no need to be so shy, tell me what you REALLY think! 🙄"

With those sort of people, after a few negative comments, I come back with, if I want an opinion I'll ask for one.

My ex was like this. Unable to be happy for anyone. Utter thief of joy. Ignore. Its not worth the negative energy.

I understand your frustration, but I think people are just trying to join in and be relevant to the conversation, especially if it’s office chit chat, they don’t always mean to be rude, they are just tactless! On Facebook there’s not such a need to comment though.

If someone says to me ‘’I’m going to X at the weekend’’ I wouldn’t reply, ‘’It’s awful there’’ but I might frame it differently and say ‘’Oh lovely, I hope you enjoy it! I didn’t enjoy it personally but everyone’s different’’

If people said the opposite and said, ‘’Oh, it’s lovely, I really enjoyed it!’’ You would probably be asking more questions and joining in 🙂