Unsolicited opinions

[storminabuttercup]

AIBU to think sometimes people need to keep their opinions to themselves? I'm noticing more and more both in real life and on socials that people have to input where it's just not needed and it seems to be just a thing nowadays

Few examples of many:

In the office, talking about weekend plans one woman mentions she's going to a seaside place for the weekend, other woman 'oh I hate it there, it's awful really awful' first woman 'oh we like it' woman 2 'no it's awful, just horrid' first woman looks a bit bemused and said 'oh well we will enjoy I'm sure' and swiftly changed the subject

Woman posts on social media her husband has whisked her away to a winter sun destination another woman comments 'we were there last year, it was awful, rained the whole time, you wouldn't get me going again'

Personal one, friend asked me plans for weekend, I had been bought tickets to the theatre and said I was very much looking forward to it they said 'oh I can't think of anything worse it sounds utterly boring'

Now I get we're all entitled opinions but in all these cases it just puts a downer on what others are doing

I'm not saying it's just women who do it either just these examples were

I also know I'm bashing others having an opinion by having an opinion, and I'm being half light hearted when I ask are you noticing this too or am I just surrounded by a bunch of over sharers? (is there a better word)

And this is one of the reasons people struggle with conversations.

Can you honestly not see the difference between having a different opinion and experience of something and sharing it with someone who has just announced they are departing on a holiday to/have booked tickets for it?

In your head, does the conversation go:

’We’re going to Paris next week.’
’Oh, I’ve been to Paris’
’Okay... How was it?'
'I'm afraid I can't share my experiences and I don't wish to have any input in this conversation any longer.'

It sounds like rudeness, and not having a filter. I might not agree with someone's choice, but I wouldn't be out & out rude about it. I'd listen to them and change the subject. I think people have terrible manners and don't know how to have a conversation in real life, i.e. not online!

Well.there's giving an opinion if asked and raining on someone's parade
So if I was thinking of visiting a place and asked someone's opinion they could give a,load of negative reasons not to go
But if I said I have booked a,weeks holiday to somewhere that we as a family enjoy visiting and we are really looking forward to it ,it would be really
Rude for someone to be very negative about it.

Older and a lot wiser, it's pure envy and at times ignorance ie lacking the ability to understand you may be hurting the other feelings

TBH, I've said stuff similar and cringe looking back at it and have been a lot more sensible, caring and understanding about what I may like the other person does not but to keep my trap shut unless asked for advice

If you like/accept what you have, please do not give a flying stuff with the idiot says.

The difference here is in the second example the opinion was asked for, and even then you could say something like “I didn’t have the best experience, but I hope you have a different one and have a great time”

@Sugarfish exactly that, agree with you completely, you would just say it wasn't for you, my example the person hadn't even been to see that particular thing at the theatre just didn't like the sound of it.
It's not about making a conversation flow as per pp suggests. There's so many other things you could say, like 'oh are you all packed and ready' or 'how are you getting there' it's a conversation not trip advisor.

I think you're talking utter bullshit crap bollocks, frankly.

There you go, thats far from fawning praise

I think if you have been somewhere, it is ok to give an opinion. You mentioned a seaside place, I went to a UK one, first time in 30 years, it’s changed so much, and is an epic dump, I was actually shocked, so that’s my opinion and I would give it if asked directly or possibly I would do it as a warning.

If you have not been or done the discussed thing and it is a bit expensive or flash, slating it is just jealousy imo

But this is a situation where opinions weren't even asked for i.e. unsolicited opinions. It's just putting a downer on people's plans. And for what?

They could just say something bland like "I hope you enjoy it." It's just mean-spirited. Or better yet, mind their own business and stfu.

I truly think that now we all seem to leave the house and communicate in person less, a lot of people have lost their social skills.

That's not unsolicited opinion, she asked what you were doing and commented on what you were doing. It totally is an unsolicited opinion. To have been a solicited opinion, instead of simply answering the question, she'd have had to say "We're going to X. Do you know it? What is it like?"

Sounds like I'm justified in my thinking then!

Absolute arsehats some people aren't they? As someone said further back, it's rooted in jealousy. If you were happy with your life, you wouldn't try to make other people feel shit.

It's people with shitty miserable lives (who are jealous of what you have got,) who bash people and pick at them for what they're doing. I'm guessing @storminabuttercup the seaside place in question is Blackpool? Me and DH go there for a day trip or weekend every couple of years. Cue the usual cunty people saying BLACKPOOL?! That's a fucking dive, what ya going there for? It's full of scum etc etc...

Well no-one is asking YOU to go fuckwit! Me and DH enjoy our little trips there, why piss and shit all over our parade and slag us off for going? I just say 'well don't go then!' and walk off.

We got someone at a neighbour's party one time too, (about 15 years ago,) suggested we were not very bright because watched Big Brother. What the fuck? Why say that? We just glared at them and walked off. Not our people.

Also get comments about our appearance from people we haven't seen for some years. Last year, an old work colleague of DH's from the noughties took it upon herself to prod his belly and say 'got a bit fat haven't you mate?' (She was around 45.) He's nearly 60, and she hadn't seen him in 20 years. She had her son with her who was 10. (I knew it was her son.) But I said 'this your grandson is it?' She said 'no it isn't' and looked like 'why on earth would you think he was my grandson?' I said 'well you look like his gran!'

She walked off without even saying goodbye. Don't dish it out if you can't take it back! Some years ago I would never have said anything, but not now. I give as good as I get now when people are nasty. I will ONLY say shitty things if something is said to me first through.

Also, there was a woman I used to work with who slagged off EVERYTHING me and my DH did. Valentines meal/card/gift... 'what's that all about, are you 15? do you NEED a Valentine's gift? Are you a princess? Are you so needy?' She was fucking relentless. Got a soft toy for my birthday once, and she howled and hollered and shouted across the office so EVERYONE could hear ... 'Oh MY GOD!!! SweetBirdsong has had a TEDDY for her birthday off her hubbington. A 32 year old WOMAN has had a teddy!' 😆 A few people just sort of laughed nervously, most ignored her. I stopped telling anyone at work what I had got.

This was the tip of the iceberg. She was a nasty cunt. Especially to me.

Long story short, she was jealous. I was married, and had my own house, and a child, and worked part time. (She snarked at me about being part time too.) She was perma single, had not had a man for 7 years, had been dumped by every man she had had, (5 or 6 in total,) and never had a relationship last more than 2-3 weeks. She also rented a flat as she couldn't afford to buy. I had everything she wanted. She was not physically attractive either, and I was. Every 5th bloke who came into the place winked at me and chatted me up. She was always ignored by them.

Not my fault I had everything she wanted. No need to take it out on me. But yeah she was jealous.

@SweetBirdsong wow, why to comment on weight is shitty and your colleague sounds awful!

Woman in office did something similar again today, was the usual 'what's for tea?' Chat and someone mentioned they were looking forward to a takeaway, she gave it the whole, urgh we never eat take away so unhealthy blah blah my ace colleague just said 'don't worry it's not mandatory takeaway night you don't have to get one'

She sounds like a Mumsnetter 😂

@DerekFaker yeah I think she herself was having a massive salad

Urgh! She sounds insufferable!

And yeah it is rude to comment on someone's weight. Not seen my DH since 2005, and the first thing she says is 'you've put a lot of weight on!' Not hey haven't seen you for years, how are you etc???' Just hey u r fat! (He's not anyway, he's cuddly.) Horrible cow.

Weird reading people justify pissing on someone’s parade as “normal conversation”. It’s very rude.

It's very bizarre isn't it? I genuinely questioned myself after the first few!

@storminabuttercup it’s a certain type of person. The kind who can’t afford a holiday so they’ll tell you yours will be terrible. Or the type who has an awful dh so when you’re doing something nice together they’ll tell you (and themselves) it’ll be awful so they feel better about their own lives.

not quite the same but I have an ex friend like this. She got a new job because she’d hated hers but she wasn’t sure about the new job. I mentioned there was a job at my workplace in her line of work (nhs with clear pay bands) at band 7. She said “urgh I wouldn’t get out of bed for that pay”, knowing I was on that pay and she only earned 2k more but with travel it was negligible.

some people are just dicks.

Usually said out if jealousy or misery.

I tend to shut it down with "Oh don't worry, I wasn't inviting you to join us"