‘D’P didn't answer his phone last night

[evgeniy68]

I really don't know what to do going forward as I am furious with ‘D’P.

My 14yo DS was complaining of a stomach ache and feeling sick on Thursday. I still sent him to school as he hadn't actually been sick. He was the same Friday and school sent him home at lunchtime as he had been sick. He seemed unwell but I wasn't too concerned as I assumed he had a bug. He was being sick all day yesterday but he was drinking so I still wasn't worried. DP went out drinking at around 8pm, then at 10pm DS told me he couldn’t stand up and was crying because his stomach pain had gotten worse. He later said he could stand up but didn't want to due to the pain. I was very worried and called 999 due to how the pain had gotten worse.

I also have a 6yo so I tried to call DP to no answer so in the end I called BIL and asked him to watch DS2. BIL told me he'd try to call DP so I could focus on DS1. He needed emergency surgery due to his appendix bursting. It's now the next morning and I still haven't heard from DP, BIL managed to speak to him and said he seemed very drunk, he told him about DS1 and he just replied that he's probably fine (without even asking me how he is).

Is he the father of both? This is really serious. Has he had a drink problem for a long time?

Does he normally drink like that and stay out and not answer his phone?

So he's been out all night and doesn't seem to care his child is in hospital?!

Your poor DS1, I hope he is OK now and on the mend soon.

DP is a twat, but you know that. Is this a one-off or does he do it often? My exH used to do it all the time.

Did he go home or stay out all night? You have every right to be absolutely furious. Although he wouldn't of had any idea your DS was about to become seriously unwell when he went out, if you'd started calling 2 hours after he went out he shouldn't of been in a complete state by that point? Is there more to the story? Is this usual behaviour for him? Does he use drugs while out drinking too?

Hoping for a speedy recovery for DS & please don't let your DP get away with this lightly

He doesn't necessarily have a drink problem.

I would be livid.

’d’p indeed.

what a selfish twat

Op that's worrying. The fact his son had emergency surgery and he was too pissed to care or realise what was being said?

How is DS this morning?

I hope your ds will be ok after his surgery. Concentrate on him for now, and wipe the floor with your partner once your son has recovered

Wow. I hope ds is doing ok.

In your shoes I would be incandescent.

In my slippers this morning, I would be angry that he got that drunk, and would be asking myself how often he's done this. If it's regularly then I'd be rethinking the relationship. If it's a one off or incredibly rare then it's a case of truly horrific timing. A perfect storm.

Should he have got that drunk knowing ds was unwell? No.

Could he have known this would happen? Also no.

You weren't worried either yesterday - neither of you knew it would take the turn it did.

His reaction when he sobers up would be my guide.

Is he usually like this? Drinking problems? Either way it's disgraceful behaviour. Thinking about my own son, I want to be with him even if he has a slight temp or is mildly unwell so I can look after him. When he was in hospital I was sick with worry and didn't leave his side. The thought of him being so unbothered about something so serious is heartbreaking. It makes you wonder if he would've done the same in your position or if he would've just send DS to bed and let the worst happen.

Hope your son feels better soon.

I'd be really annoyed and hopefully your husband realises he's been a twat when he's not as pissed/hung over anymore.

If he doesn't go out often it's just really bad timing but that doesn't make his reaction okay.

Sorry, does dp live with you or not?

Is he the father?
Do you live together?
How long are you together?

Not necessarily, but he probably does 🤷🏼‍♀️

As above - focus on your DS now and then deal with DP.

This is a warning to all of us - sickness plus stomach pain can mean appendicitis. I am very alert to it as I had it at 7. When my DS had stomach pain in that region I rushed him to the GP as I thought it must be appendicitis. GP said that appendicitis in children almost always presents with vomiting as well as pain. If those two things are there that is his first thought.

Why do you think he has a "drink problem'? I think that's a bit of a leap just because he's drunk

He used to drink one or two times a month with BIL and wouldn't answer his phone - although I don't call him when he's out unless it's an emergency like last night. SIL is pregnant and BIL has stopped drinking and DP has been drinking with work colleagues instead.

DP is DS2’s dad. I wasn't annoyed at him going out as we both thought it was a bug, although I don't think I would've gone out. I'm annoyed at the fact he didn't answer his phone and said DS was probably fine without asking how he is. Even BIL said he knew something was wrong when I said DS was crying in pain as he very rarely cries so DP also knows this.

DS seems to be doing ok, he's currently asleep.

'D'P sounds like an idiot, hearing that ds1 was in hospital with a serious condition should have sobered him up in a second, he knows and he doesn't care , that's really really fucked up priorities.

First of all, your poor son - a burst appendix is so painful and it’s a serious medical emergency. I’m so glad you got him to hospital and I hope his surgery went well and that he makes as swift a recovery as possible. You must have been so worried about him.

If you have kids (is he their dad?) you’ve got to be bloody contactable when you’re out and you’ve got to answer your bloody phone. He went out at 8pm and it was only at 10pm that you realised your son needed an ambulance - there was no way your partner was already so drunk after only two hours that he couldn’t answer your call. He just chose not to - he picked up for BIL, but not for you. And he STILL hasn’t called you? I would be absolutely furious and disgusted at that.

If I was your DS1, I would also be incredibly hurt at the lack of care or interest. Absolutely awful.

Is all-night drinking a regular thing for your partner? A few drinks with friends is obviously fine but I don’t know many (any) dads who would go out all night unless it was a very rare and pre-planned thing like a stag night or the office Christmas party. A colleague of mine had a call from his wife about a (much, much less serious!) issue with his little boy at our work Christmas do and although he was very drunk indeed, he was certainly jolted into partial sobriety when he picked up the call, necked a pint of water and sprinted off to get a taxi home.

Is your ‘D’P always a complete shit like this? It’s awful behaviour.

What an utter twat, and utterly selfish, too.

I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship, tbh.

THIS!!

When my DC2 had it he threw up all through the night but slept in between and no complaints of pain.
in the morning he hobbled down the stairs and it wasn’t until he laid down on the sofa and I went to give him a cuddle and he screamed in pain when I touched his tummy that I connected the dots.

All.night drinking when you ve got young kids at home is shitty behaviour, drink problem or no drink problem

I don't agree. If your child is being looked after and cared for by someone who has agreed to do so, why not enjoy a night drinking? The problem is him not being available in the case of an emergency and therefore not reliable.

I've got plenty of experience sadly with men who do this kind of thing and they all have a drink problem to one extent or another. Once you've passed your early 20s and especially once you have kids and responsibilities this kind of drinking is by definition problematic. Either men choose to do it in which case they are arseholes or they can't help it in which case they have a problem.