‘D’P didn't answer his phone last night

[evgeniy68]

I really don't know what to do going forward as I am furious with ‘D’P.

My 14yo DS was complaining of a stomach ache and feeling sick on Thursday. I still sent him to school as he hadn't actually been sick. He was the same Friday and school sent him home at lunchtime as he had been sick. He seemed unwell but I wasn't too concerned as I assumed he had a bug. He was being sick all day yesterday but he was drinking so I still wasn't worried. DP went out drinking at around 8pm, then at 10pm DS told me he couldn’t stand up and was crying because his stomach pain had gotten worse. He later said he could stand up but didn't want to due to the pain. I was very worried and called 999 due to how the pain had gotten worse.

I also have a 6yo so I tried to call DP to no answer so in the end I called BIL and asked him to watch DS2. BIL told me he'd try to call DP so I could focus on DS1. He needed emergency surgery due to his appendix bursting. It's now the next morning and I still haven't heard from DP, BIL managed to speak to him and said he seemed very drunk, he told him about DS1 and he just replied that he's probably fine (without even asking me how he is).

Those two scenarios don't add up though do they? If you're drinking all night then by definition you aren't contactable or available all night. And you are likely to be impaired all of the next day. shit behaviour.

@evgeniy68 so where does he stay when he doesnt come home?? have you made your solicitors appointment yet?? kick him into touch! hope your son gets better quickly x

I'm really glad your son has had good treatment and is sleeping now. To be honest I would be absolutely fucking livid with your husband and I would be reconsidering my marriage.

Not answering his phone straight away isn’t a big deal.

Not ringing you immediately after he saw your text/found out from BIL to ask if DS is ok is a massive deal.

So did he stay out all night?
Is he still not home?

Wishing your ds an easy recovery.

OP is dp always going “missing” drinking ?
Have you always thought it acceptable not to come home and never questioned what he’s doing and who with ?

I actulay think this behaviour is a deal breaker .
This is a situation that a loving partner should be around for. If yours can’t be there for emergency’s and simply just doesn’t care., then what’s the point to him .

He does come home and I assume he's home now but I'm with DS and he still hasn't messaged me asking how DS is.

Yes, me too.

Sorry OP but you were going through a situation where your DS needed surgery and he’s totally disinterested?!

The fact that your older DS is not his child is irrelevant - he needed surgery and you were understandably really worried. The fact he’s not even got in touch this morning would be unforgivable I’m afraid.

You didn’t give him a hard time for going out drinking even though DS was unwell, you’re not unreasonable at all. He sounds like a very selfish man and I’d be asking myself what’s the point of being with him if he’s totally unsupportive at times like this.

Hope your DS makes a speedy recovery.

What stands out for me is that his stepchild had a serious condition, is in hospital, had surgery, and he is not concerned. Or interested. At all. That tells you a lot.

That’s awful.

Any caring parent/partner would be messaging asking if everything’s ok and if they need anything.

Most parents would be sick with worry.

That would be the end for me, OP.

What a selfish cunt.

Well I'd be suspicious of where he was and what he was doing and with who.

Honestly he has really shown you what is important to him this morning. I would be concerned if I heard this about a friend's child never mind one that sleeps under the same roof as me. I think from a previous message I understand he is not the father of your unwell child but his behaviour is disgusting.
This would be it for me. I would be making sure my son was well and then when back home and back to strength I would start the planning to extricate myself from this relationship.

Hope DS is on the mend now.
I agree with the posters who think DP does have a drinking problem, as demonstrated by the fact that BiL said he sounded drunk the next morning.
I also think it is possible that he was with someone else.
Personally I would dump him for being so uncaring, really shocking to read that he hasn't even messaged you to ask how DS is, or to apologise for being uncontactable in an emergency. There's not really much point to him , is there?
I don't think I'd ever be able to look at him and feel anything but contempt.

He’s not “dear” and he’s shown himself to be no “partner”

I expect he’ll be moaning about how he’s had to look after his own child.

There’d be no coming back from this, for me, I’m afraid. Not being able to get hold of him is bad enough, not coming home and not even contacting you today. He’s shown you who he is this weekend and he’s an arse.

I don't think he was wrong to go out, and your update implies that he often doesn't answer his phone when he is out. I can't find fault with that, I have been out for an evening in noisy bars/restaurants and been unaware of phone calls etc.

If he was told about DS when he was already pissed, then maybe he didn't take in board the seriousness.

What does matter is what he does now.

Your son being ill aside, for me it's the drinking so much that he's drunk and incapable that would make me finish with him.

Why can't he go out and enjoy a few drinks without getting blotto like a teenager over a park drinking a bottle of white lightning?

I personally find anyone that drinks to excess like that to be absolutely revolting.

Agree with others, he’s not being Dear, or a Partner.
Is he always this self-centred and heartless?
FYI I’m usually really measured in my comments but this is too much. It’s great to hear your DS got help quickly and is doing well. However without swift care a ruptured appendix can be very serious.
Please make sure you don’t have to deal with this kind of behaviour in future serious situations

Would he show more concern if it was his own son (DC2)?

He’s so drunk that he doesn’t even snap out of it when discovering that his dad is in hospital having emergency surgery. He definitely has a drink problem.

*dss

Me too.

He’s a disgrace of a man and both your dc deserve better.

I would be beyond livid and actually devastated that he doesn’t appear to give a shiny shit about his son.

Not sure I could get over this.

I assume he's a selfish pig generally?

What do you want to do now his true colours have come out in all their rainbow glory?

I feel guilty for just assuming DS had a bug. DP has now called and said he didn't realise it was serious and has offered to come and sit with DS so I can have a break. I've declined as I don't want to leave DS with him.

He’s full of shit.

He knew DS was poorly enough to need to go to hospital.

Sounds like he only pretends to care when it suits him.