OP - I am so sorry for your loss, and after the experiences I have had over my 55 years with the NHS which my family have sucked up i now say go for it.
I'm currently navigating the shitshow that is elderly care for my DF and DSM and I'm a whisker away from losing my mind.
My DSM is in hospital with sudden onset delirium after a series of absences / freezing episodes which may be due to untreated (at her request) aneurysms in her brain and neck. She has been in ten days and her behaviour includes aggression witnessed by ward staff and other patients. They are refusing to scan her unless she's in the community and goes the referral route. They insist it's due to a UTI but her urine test only showed faint markers and her bloods were clear of infection. She has diagnosed long term mental health issues, pre-cognitive impairment and the idea of vascular dementia has been floating around for years but again, until she is released they will not investigate.
At the same time my DF - 84 - who is in remission with splenic lymphoma and had had kidney tumours and follicular cancer on top of stents 14 years ago after a massive heart attack, has been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and it's taken three weeks to get new medication sorted. He's been asking the GP why he's been getting tired and having palpitations for months, fobbed off with "it's your age" until his chiropodist of all things flagged extremely low pulse rate with thr surgery.
He has been my DSMs carer for years, and is very proud. He finally got me involved because DSM had been rampaging around the house, awake for up to 60 hours at a stretch, for two weeks after these alleged mini strokes and her community nurse suggested UTI but it was impossible to get a sample to the GP who advised 999 and A&E.
Long story short they pumped her full of antibiotics and tried to discharge her in under 72 hours. My Dad is exhausted immuno,-suppressed and after a home visit is on antibiotics currently for a chest infection and possible pneumonia.
DSM is ringing us constantly with various demands and paranoid delusions - today she floated the idea he may have raped her. Given his age and health i will swear this is impossible.
I have fended off two unsafe discharges.
I have repeated comprehensive history to the ever changing cast of staff and doctors and despite the GP who visited him at home sending me a text to confirm it is not safe for DSM to be discharged to his care, they keep pressurising him to have her back with carers 4 times a day. She needs 24 hour supervision and while she has been assessed as having no capacity, it took me going in for a meeting with the discharge nurse to arrange a meeting some time next week to organise a best interests meeting.
This was not communicated to the ward or the social workers, who phoned again to ask what our problem was and tried to bully my poor Dad by reminding us it's her house (true - it's complicated) and she can come home if she wants to. Which us ironic as she's been telling us she wants to sell the house go into a care home and sod my poor Dad.
There is so much more - no communication to us or internally, the intimation that her condition is due to poor family dynamics..... it goes on and fucking on. They claim she us pleasantly confused yet her aggression and rant phone calls have been witnessed and ignored. There are so many red flags in terms of safeguarding it's untrue.
So sorry for the rant but I'm living on my last nerve and worried that the stress will kill my Dad.
Urging.
So all power to you OP. And a huge hug x
Maybe if enough people sue when things go wrong they'll finally listen.