Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To distance myself from male friend because I have a crush on him?

27 replies

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:20

I don't really know him that well even but I know I'm attracted to him and I have no idea if it's mutual but I guess if it were, he'd have told me by now.
I've worked with him since around end of October, I was in a relationship until end of November. I'd briefly spoken to him once or twice and thought he was sweet but that was it.
Then I was assigned a seat next to him, we chatted all day with ease and had a good laugh, I did feel a bit attracted to him but I'd literally just broken up with someone.
However we kept talking and I decided to send him a message on our work chat (work relationships are permitted and not unusual where I work)
From that point we started talking every day with both of us starting conversations. I was due to transfer to a new department so I decided it'd be a good idea.
I messaged saying it'd be cool to have a coffee one day and he said he'd like to and gave me his number.
We started texting and met up the following week. It went well, we had a great chat, I didn't feel a spark as such but I really liked him as a person and he said he wanted to meet up again.
The next day I asked him if he'd be free the next week to hang out, see a film or go for a drink or something.
He said he was really busy with work but he'd get back to me. I decided to let him come to me and didn't ask again. He seemed to drop off a bit and go under the radar.
I eventually messaged asking if everything was ok and he said yeah he'd just had stuff going on but yeah of course he still wanted to chat and stuff.
I decided to pull back and I was friendly but I said I'd just see him round work kinda thing, I tried to play it cool and didn't suggest I was interested or anything.
I know it's silly looking back, I don't know why I did.
He said he liked talking to me, that I was really cool and we had loads in common, and I agreed with him.
I wasn't online for about 5 days as I attended a training course. When I logged back on he started messaging me again and being friendly then asked if I wanted to meet up again when we were next both in the office.
I can accept friendship but I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm assuming he only likes me as a friend, and enjoys my company.
It's hard to tell as I'm not sure he's had a serious relationship before, and I'm the only female at work he's close to. However it's all speculation.
I generally prefer being friends with men first before going any further.
I haven't flirted with him that I know of, I compliment him sometimes but I do that with other people.
We have that sort of jokey banter.
I have no idea what to do. I'm scared to tell him how I feel. We don't work together anymore so that's not an issue, but I just assume I'd know by now if he's interested?
That said, it's cruel to just go cold on someone and I wouldn't like it done to me. Should I tell him why I need to distance myself?

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:21

We're both early 30s.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:24

When I say I've complimented him, nothing that's like suggestive or sexual at all.

OP posts:
pizzaforwho · 27/01/2024 19:25

Why don't you meet up again and see how things go, then take things from there? He might open up a bit more after another meet up or 2? Don't put pressure on yourself - he already likes your company enough to meet and chat!

ohdeerohdear · 27/01/2024 19:25

Is he single?

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:26

Yes he's definitely single.. well I hope 😂 yeah, I am hoping we'll both open up more. I definitely held back the first time and I feel bad.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:27

Yeah he does message me a lot and he has asked me to meet up again, though only for a coffee.

OP posts:
goingdownfighting · 27/01/2024 19:28

Just go with it. As long as you're not breaching any work rules and you are happy with the worst case scenario re: work if things went belly up then just let it happen naturally.

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:33

Thank you. Sounds daft but how do I progress it? Shall I try being flirty next time?
We haven't even hugged or anything so far 😂

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:34

I'm worried if I go again and it's just platonic vibes then it'll never happen. Is it a good sign that he asked me to meet again?

OP posts:
Duh · 27/01/2024 19:35

Hang on, did you already post about this recently? It sounds very familiar.

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:36

I posted about it roughly 2 weeks ago, when I thought he was brushing me off, but he's now come back and asked me to meet again.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:37

Tbh I wasn't planning to ask him again and I tried to play it cool and casual, and so he asked me which I was surprised but happy about.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:40

Sorry for all the questions but should I tell him by text or in-person? I think he's quite shy so just not sure how to play things.

OP posts:
Duh · 27/01/2024 19:46

I think you are massively overthinking this. And I thought that last time.

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:50

I possibly am, but how do I make it progress? That's what I'm looking for. How do I let him know I'm interested? I mean yeah he asked me to meet up but it could be platonic?

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:51

I'm just used to men showing their interest quite obviously and quite early on.

OP posts:
Duh · 27/01/2024 19:55

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:50

I possibly am, but how do I make it progress? That's what I'm looking for. How do I let him know I'm interested? I mean yeah he asked me to meet up but it could be platonic?

Meet up with him. See how it goes. If you are unsure about his feelings towards you just ask if he wants to meet up again. If he says yes ask if he means as friends or is he looking for more. It’s not difficult.

ChedderGorgeous · 27/01/2024 19:58

LTB !

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:13

ChedderGorgeous · 27/01/2024 19:58

LTB !

Ltb? Hahaha
Love the username btw 😁

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:14

Duh · 27/01/2024 19:55

Meet up with him. See how it goes. If you are unsure about his feelings towards you just ask if he wants to meet up again. If he says yes ask if he means as friends or is he looking for more. It’s not difficult.

You're right, that's it, I've just got to do it.
I'll try and be a bit more open/flirty this time round and then leave it a few days then ask.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:16

However he might say as friends because he thinks that's all I want and he doesn't want to embarrass himself.

OP posts:
ohdeerohdear · 27/01/2024 20:17

Remember that men like the chase

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:18

Seems they do, at any age :(
I think that's why he asked me to meet up again after I went cooler.

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:27

However how can I show him I'm interested without coming on too strong?

OP posts:
ohdeerohdear · 27/01/2024 20:29

Wink emoji