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To distance myself from male friend because I have a crush on him?

27 replies

Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 19:20

I don't really know him that well even but I know I'm attracted to him and I have no idea if it's mutual but I guess if it were, he'd have told me by now.
I've worked with him since around end of October, I was in a relationship until end of November. I'd briefly spoken to him once or twice and thought he was sweet but that was it.
Then I was assigned a seat next to him, we chatted all day with ease and had a good laugh, I did feel a bit attracted to him but I'd literally just broken up with someone.
However we kept talking and I decided to send him a message on our work chat (work relationships are permitted and not unusual where I work)
From that point we started talking every day with both of us starting conversations. I was due to transfer to a new department so I decided it'd be a good idea.
I messaged saying it'd be cool to have a coffee one day and he said he'd like to and gave me his number.
We started texting and met up the following week. It went well, we had a great chat, I didn't feel a spark as such but I really liked him as a person and he said he wanted to meet up again.
The next day I asked him if he'd be free the next week to hang out, see a film or go for a drink or something.
He said he was really busy with work but he'd get back to me. I decided to let him come to me and didn't ask again. He seemed to drop off a bit and go under the radar.
I eventually messaged asking if everything was ok and he said yeah he'd just had stuff going on but yeah of course he still wanted to chat and stuff.
I decided to pull back and I was friendly but I said I'd just see him round work kinda thing, I tried to play it cool and didn't suggest I was interested or anything.
I know it's silly looking back, I don't know why I did.
He said he liked talking to me, that I was really cool and we had loads in common, and I agreed with him.
I wasn't online for about 5 days as I attended a training course. When I logged back on he started messaging me again and being friendly then asked if I wanted to meet up again when we were next both in the office.
I can accept friendship but I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm assuming he only likes me as a friend, and enjoys my company.
It's hard to tell as I'm not sure he's had a serious relationship before, and I'm the only female at work he's close to. However it's all speculation.
I generally prefer being friends with men first before going any further.
I haven't flirted with him that I know of, I compliment him sometimes but I do that with other people.
We have that sort of jokey banter.
I have no idea what to do. I'm scared to tell him how I feel. We don't work together anymore so that's not an issue, but I just assume I'd know by now if he's interested?
That said, it's cruel to just go cold on someone and I wouldn't like it done to me. Should I tell him why I need to distance myself?

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 27/01/2024 20:34

ohdeerohdear · 27/01/2024 20:29

Wink emoji

You mean send him one? Hahah

OP posts:
Sunshineonmywindowmakesmehappylikeishouldbe · 28/01/2024 08:35

Still scared of rejection which is pathetic I know .

OP posts:
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