Aibu or is my friend thoughtless?

[Funkyslippers]

We have my 14 y/o DD's friend (my friend's daughter) over for a sleepover at least once a month. Usually provide snacks, drinks, breakfast obviously & sometimes, like last night, dinner if she hasn't already eaten. Never gets invited over by them. The logistics make it hard to invite DD over but it wouldn't be impossible.

My annoyance is my friend has never said thank you (neither does the daughter!), never sends her with any snacks or drinks and sometimes like today, has said she needs to be back at a certain time as they're having a takeaway to celebrate pay day. I would have thought they could at least invite DD over too. One time she even asked friend to pop home in the evening so she could join in with the family barbecue, then she came back to ours! Aibu to think it's quite thoughtless and think that either my friend or DD's friend could invite her to join them once in a while? I get on well with my friend, see her once every couple of months but wonder if I should say something

@clpsmum "Yes definitely ask here wtf she's playing at and stop being a doormat and letting her use you and DD"

Or just let your dd carry on enjoying having her friend over? Your choice....

I'd prioritise my daughter's happiness. If she is happy with the situation, I'd let it go. Does your dd actually want to go to her friend's house - sounds like she doesn't due to the sister sharing, which could be awkward if she hangs around with the two of them? If she does, get her to ask her friend. At 14 it's normal to communicate through the teenagers and not directly with their parents.

Over the years we have had more of our kids' friends sleep at ours than vice versa, and have given more lifts home to their friends than our kids have received. But our priority had always been our children's well- being. One struggled for ages to manage sleepovers away from home anyway.

I'd occasionally say thanks to the parents of their friends but mostly I didn't see them at that age.

You should stop seeing it as you doing your friend a favour, rather that you are supporting your daughter's friendship and getting a favour yourself - daughter happily occupied all evening. If it's anything like it is here, there is zero work for you to do, beyond buying snacks - here, the teens often sort their own anyway. If you want a night out, it is also easier to do so knowing your dd has a friend for company (though of course, I don't know if you have other children).

@CurlewKate I think that would be the case if op and the mother weren't friends but it's pretty shitty behaviour from a friend

Oops I meant to quote.

Really? I was taught that from a very young age, as were my children. They know they are more likely to be invited back if they are polite and gracious. Most of the kids who come to our house are the same. There are a few exceptions and if I know the parents I can usually guess which they will be.

The 14 year old should certainly be thanking you for your hospitality. Even the most socially awkward friend of my DC's said thanks for meals, movies, theatre trips etc. at 14 it should come naturally. I probably wouldn't send thanks to other parents although will always reciprocate. It does sound like sleepovers at yours are more for your DD than the friend with their attitude.