My girlfriend is an alcoholic

[grishelda]

Been with my girlfriend a year. It's long distance.

I have been dealing with these kind of texts on a daily basis. Each morning, she apologises and we make up. Tonight I have received -

Gf - It’s becoming quite clear you’re just not in to me anymore

Gf - So just tell me so I can move on

Gf - I’m not having anymore discussions about it. Just be upfront

Gf - I’m so sick of trying to figure out your thoughts etc

Gf - I want you to just fucking tell me, that’s it. I’ll leave you alone

Gf - Do you know what I don’t even care anymore. I actually feel more lonely recently than what I did when I was alone.

If we have issues then I want to speak about it, this silent treatment and then gaslighting afterwards, I’m severely not into it.

You say you are soooo tired etc. Too tired to speak to me, but you were quite able to speak to others online on facebook. Talking shit, I’m done with it. I can’t be fucked anymore. Hopefully you find a girl that will put up with it and enjoy the game playing.

We are three months in. You should be excited and happy, but you’re not and neither am I. Every single day I have been worrying and thinking you weren’t interested. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. Good luck

I genuinely do not know how to deal with it anymore. I have reassured and I have reassured. I do not know what she want anymore other than 24 hour reassurance.

Walk away

And when she says three months in, she means to the long distance set up

Is she actually has an diagnosis of alcoholism (or its obvious) why do you want to be with someone with an addiction? (Aside from the texts)

No diagnosis but I think it's quite obvious. She has about 3/4 nights out the week e
Where she is lovely and normal. And then the other 2:3 nights she is so paranoid

I love her. She is so funny, the funniest person I've ever met. She gets me, I feel so comfortable with her

Op, relationships shouldn't be this hard. All of this nonsense and drama is doing nothing but causing you grief. This is not the relationship for you and you can't fix her.

Just end it already. Life is far too short for this shit.

She’s an insecure, needy, boring, emotionally abusive, selfish whining arsehole with a drink problem. Why on earth would you want to be with this horror of a woman? You’ve only been dating THREE MONTHS and she’s behaving like this? Good grief. You’d be insane to carry on seeing her; she’s an awful person.

You are deluding yourself on a grand scale. She doesn’t get you at all. If she got you she wouldn’t be sending you endless whining texts every night. And you don’t feel comfortable with her. You’re walking on bloody eggshells and worrying about her addictions all the time. Don’t be so naive. You’ve barely been seeing her five minutes. End it.

No one can lay it down more concisely than this. Take the blinders off, op.

Is this the reverse of another thread tonight?

Make her not your girlfriend then. Stop pissing around for attention.

Comfortable as long as you’re feeding her desperation to be reassured.

Healthy relationships do not require this level of angst. They just don’t.

Having a long distance relationship is tricky even when both parties are emotionally stable , this has trouble written all over it.

Just reply “Okay, I hear that the level of communication that works for me doesn’t work for you. I’m sorry this didn’t work out and hope you find someone who can communicate the way you want.”

Sorry it's not clear from your post how she's an alcoholic OP

If so, maybe guide her towards getting treatment?

Why do you think she is an alcoholic?
I once had a long distance relationship with someone similar. Spoiler alert - it didn’t work. After a year of back and forth (lashing out, going quiet, apologising, back to normal until the next imaginary thing came along), I finally ditched him. It was the best decision ever. The guy didn’t even drink but clearly had deep emotional problems that I am not qualified to deal with.

Alcoholism aside, someone who is that high maintenance will make your life miserable. Walk away while you still can.

Were you together before long distance started or have you just had long distance the whole relationship?

Long distance is hard even if you have had solid foundations before the long distance started.

How do you know it’s alcohol? Might it be weed or cocaine? Is it just the weekend nights where the paranoia sets in?

Regardless though it won’t work- she sounds like she has major issues and needs counselling. I would wish her well but break up with her. You will probably need to block her number because I imagine she might harass you.

Run away this isn't normal or healthy and the 'good' days are love bombing

which thread are you thinking of?

Having had an alcoholic girlfriend ill say a few things - You cant help/change someone if they dont REALLY want to stop, it wont get better it will get worse, probably MUCH worse, it isnt fair on you and its not your problem.
I'd recommend you leave it now.

I tried for years to help, suffered things you wouldnt believe and ended in an arrest and an injunction. Shes dead now, all because of drink.

NOT your problem.

there's honestly no way to have a functioning relationship with someone who has a dependency on alcohol. You're wasting your time trying.

I talk from years of frustrated experience

Been somewhere in this vicinity and I suspect it never ends well. If your GF is an alcoholic, it’s an illness and treatment is available, that’s her choice though and no-one can tell her to do it, it wouldn’t work in that case anyway. However, even if she does go down that route there’s no way it wouldn’t change her, so even if she gets well there’s no guarantee either of you will feel the same way about each other.
I stuck by my partner despite she got worse and it became increasingly dangerous to be in the same house so I left, after nearly 25 years. I realise now I really should have made different decisions.
we are not the same, but of course I’d like to help someone not make similar mistakes. There really are other options, hard as it may feel right now.

I was married to an alcoholic. When they're 'up' it's great. When they're down it's hell. The longer you are together the more it will be hell. You cannot save an addict. Save yourself.