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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue?

52 replies

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 09:31

I'm in 2 minds about this so just looking for opinions.

(Before anyone starts this is not a school/teacher bashing thread. I am not planning on complaining just making the school aware)

My DD is 11yo and in Y7. She has ASD and maturity wise is nearer 9yo. She started a new school after October half term. It is a church school. I was aware that once a term they have a mass at the church next to the school but didn't know when.

So context is DD is in P.E (so no LSA) and the teacher says those in one particular house (Dd's house) had to go to the playground and on to the church for mass. It turns out they do it by houses so all DC from Y7-11 in that house went for the mass. Nothing had been mentioned in form time so DD was unaware this was going to happen and has never been to this church before or any RC church. As they were in P.E she didn't have her bag with her ear defenders so when she found it too loud couldn't put them on. She followed the other girls up to the altar and got confused that they were trying to give her 'food' (bread and wine.) So this is just to explain by the end of the service she was a bit distressed.

So when the service finished they were told to go back to their lesson. But DD has noone in her pew who was in her P.E class and she doesn't know her way around yet (school/I are/am working on it with her but she struggles with it.) So she hangs back to try and see someone in her class and in the crowd gets left behind. Once she realised this she did really well and found her way to the office in school and they took her back to her P.E class - so all good.

But I just worry what might have happened. The church is right next to the school and there is a gate from school to the church - they don't have to go on the pavement. But what if in her distress she had wandered off? Or someone found her in a state at the church?

YABU - you're worrying too much, she did the sensible thing and should be ok at 11 yo.
YANBU - this should be raised with the school

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 26/01/2024 09:36

This is one of those things that shouldn't have happened as changes to her timetable should have been flagged up and someone made sure she was OK.

However it has demonstrated that she is capable of coping with these situations and making sensible choices.

Lolapusht · 26/01/2024 09:43

I would say that’s definitely a safeguarding issue. Why was there no adult there? If they’re doing it by house, I guess they’ll be coming from different classes/places in the school and all have to get to church on time then back again once the service is over. How many children in each house? Are both sites completely secure? No possibilities of anyone deciding to pop to the shops instead of going to church?!

Also, is your daughter Catholic? Was she meant to receive communion?

neverbeenskiing · 26/01/2024 09:58

School Safeguarding Lead here. I would say this was more of a health and safety/security issue than a safeguarding issue, but that doesn't mean that what happened is ok. In your shoes I would talk to the SENCO as someone should have considered that your DD would need support to navigate this situation due to her needs. That said, it sounds like she coped admirably and it is important to encourage independence, it just needs to be done in a way that feels safe for her.

Sirzy · 26/01/2024 10:02

I wouldn’t create a fuss but I would contact the SENCo to discuss helping her prepare for future services.

Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 12:39

Lolapusht · 26/01/2024 09:43

I would say that’s definitely a safeguarding issue. Why was there no adult there? If they’re doing it by house, I guess they’ll be coming from different classes/places in the school and all have to get to church on time then back again once the service is over. How many children in each house? Are both sites completely secure? No possibilities of anyone deciding to pop to the shops instead of going to church?!

Also, is your daughter Catholic? Was she meant to receive communion?

There are about 150 in each house. The church isn't secure as far as I can see. I guess it was possible someone could pop to the shops! And no, my DD isn't Catholic and shouldn't have received communion. I was expecting someone to explain it to her before/during the service.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:15

Just to clarify. When they went into the playground they went into their year groups and were taken to the church, it just seems that it was a bit of a free for all on the way out!

OP posts:
MortyMort · 26/01/2024 14:21

It sounds as if the teachers lost a child. A child with SEN who is more vulnerable than others.

Thankfully she found her way to the office, but if she had gone off site then when would they have realised?

TomeTome · 26/01/2024 14:25

The church will take a very dim view of this too. I’m surprised she was able to take communion.

meganorks · 26/01/2024 14:25

I think I would be more inclined to speak to the school in more general terms about the whole experience. Because it seems ill thought through for all ND children. It sounds like she did really well coping with challenges. But that could have gone really badly. Eg the not having her ear defenders; not knowing what to do etc. So I would mention all the things you do here and ask that next time she has a bit more of heads up when things are happening and what is expected of them. And include the free for all at the end as part of it.

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2024 14:26

Honestly, if she’s 11 and there is a gate directly between church and school I wouldn’t think this is a massive issue. Many kids of that age walk to and from school and go on public transport. That said if you’re worried about her, definitely check in with school- if she has SEN- does she have an EHCP? You could also get them to tell you in advance when her services are and talk it through. And next time she’ll know what’s going on and hopefully how to get back to class.

Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:51

MortyMort · 26/01/2024 14:21

It sounds as if the teachers lost a child. A child with SEN who is more vulnerable than others.

Thankfully she found her way to the office, but if she had gone off site then when would they have realised?

Yes, that's the worry. Hopefully the P.E teacher would have noticed she hadn't come back but in a busy class I don't think that's a given.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:52

TomeTome · 26/01/2024 14:25

The church will take a very dim view of this too. I’m surprised she was able to take communion.

She didn't actually eat it. She just told me they gave her 'a flying saucer without the sherbet' but she didn't eat it.

OP posts:
MortyMort · 26/01/2024 14:52

Does she have an EHCP @StrawberryShortbread2001 ?

Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:53

meganorks · 26/01/2024 14:25

I think I would be more inclined to speak to the school in more general terms about the whole experience. Because it seems ill thought through for all ND children. It sounds like she did really well coping with challenges. But that could have gone really badly. Eg the not having her ear defenders; not knowing what to do etc. So I would mention all the things you do here and ask that next time she has a bit more of heads up when things are happening and what is expected of them. And include the free for all at the end as part of it.

Thank you, yes I think this is a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:55

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2024 14:26

Honestly, if she’s 11 and there is a gate directly between church and school I wouldn’t think this is a massive issue. Many kids of that age walk to and from school and go on public transport. That said if you’re worried about her, definitely check in with school- if she has SEN- does she have an EHCP? You could also get them to tell you in advance when her services are and talk it through. And next time she’ll know what’s going on and hopefully how to get back to class.

The point is that she isn't as mature as the average 11 yo, as I said she is more like 9. Many DC go to school by themselves but she doesn't I take her into school every morning and hand her over to Learning support.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:57

MortyMort · 26/01/2024 14:52

Does she have an EHCP @StrawberryShortbread2001 ?

Yes, she does.

OP posts:
TomeTome · 26/01/2024 15:27

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 14:52

She didn't actually eat it. She just told me they gave her 'a flying saucer without the sherbet' but she didn't eat it.

Show quote history

What happened to it?

malmi · 26/01/2024 18:45

She didn't actually eat it. She just told me they gave her 'a flying saucer without the sherbet' but she didn't eat it.

Not the point I know but this is accurate. The company that made the wafers invented flying saucers so they could keep up production and revenue as Catholicism and hence demand for communion wafers started declining in the 1950s

Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 22:03

TomeTome · 26/01/2024 15:27

What happened to it?

Show quote history

I don't know. You would have thought the priest would check before giving it to her, though!!

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryShortbread2001 · 26/01/2024 22:04

malmi · 26/01/2024 18:45

She didn't actually eat it. She just told me they gave her 'a flying saucer without the sherbet' but she didn't eat it.

Not the point I know but this is accurate. The company that made the wafers invented flying saucers so they could keep up production and revenue as Catholicism and hence demand for communion wafers started declining in the 1950s

Is that true?! Wow, I'll tell her!

OP posts:
RatatouillePie · 26/01/2024 22:09

Did you notify the school she is a potential flight risk?

I had to do this with my DS as if he freaks out over something new or different he either freezes, cries or runs!

Tummytroubles22 · 26/01/2024 22:12

I’d hope the church would be more concerned about a distressed child with ASN than worrying about a piece of eating paper!

I would definitely speak to the school, sounds like she needs a little more help when things change from the daily timetable, as do lots of junior pupils.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/01/2024 22:15

RatatouillePie · 26/01/2024 22:09

Did you notify the school she is a potential flight risk?

I had to do this with my DS as if he freaks out over something new or different he either freezes, cries or runs!

This. Where do you think she would have gone to rather than her school next door? Is it in her EHCP she is a flight risk? I'd think exceptionally important to make them aware for any future issues.

autienotnaughty · 26/01/2024 22:52

I'd speak to head about this to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe request a meeting with senco to risk access.

malmi · 26/01/2024 23:01

I’d hope the church would be more concerned about a distressed child with ASN than worrying about a piece of eating paper!

Depends on whether transubstantiation had occurred yet or not. Well, that would be an ecumenical matter.