Woman passively outed for shoplifting and I did nothing?

[Juliesdagger]

Weird one that’s rolling in my mind as I’m wondering if I should have stepped in ☹️
busy well known coffee shop in a supermarket this morning. As I was queuing, a man in front of me said loudly to the lady paying at the till “don’t forget the crisps you’ve got” as he spoke so loudly it was hard not to then hear the rest - she looked confused and said what crisps? I’m just getting my coffee” and again in a loud voice the man said “the crisps you put in your shopping bag” again the woman looked bemused, looked down at her carrier bag and said oh gosh they must have fallen in when I got my phone” (or similar, I didn’t get the exact words) and took them out to be scanned. She looked a bit upset and I heard her apologising to the barista at the till saying they were for her kid’s snack and she couldn’t believe she’d nearly forgotten to pay for them. The man who had called her out then started scoffing loudly saying “oh yeah, that happens to me allllll the time, things just fall into my bag and I forget about them” and smirking and rolling his eyes, clearly insinuating she had stolen them or tried to. The woman just looked clearly flustered and by this time had paid and she left looking like she was going to cry.

I then to my surprise saw the man leave
the queue (despite him being next in line to order) and head for the staff only door so he must work there! And was only waiting in line to see if she paid at the till for the crisps.

it’s been playing on my mind all day. The woman was clearly upset but I would have been too if I’d Been passively accused like that 🤷‍♀️I know you can’t type cast but she was buying an overpriced coffee and pastry, the crisps couldn’t have cost more
than £0.60 extra 🤷‍♀️and she looked well dressed, a bit flustered but not wonder and really just like your
average mum rushing Round supermarket etc so I guess I’m doubting if she was stealing? And I feel bad I didn’t challenge that It felt unprofessional of this man who clearly worked there to passively accuse her?

or am I being naive and she likely was attention to shoplift for a reason I can’t fathom?

If she was a serial shop lifter she wouldn't have cared when she was caught plus well known shoplifters are asked to leave the store because they have been banned.

What an odd thing to wonder?

I mean the detail about what she was wearing was completely irrelevant anyway.

Smart clothes or rags, coffee shops aren't cheap and if she was desperate for crisps, she could've bought a couple of multipacks for the cost of a cup of coffee.

Well she can afford a takeaway coffee. Maybe buy the crisps for food then and not the coffee. If it was baby food or food and not takeaway coffee your reply might be more reasonable 🤔

Not necessarily. Lots of them have the crocodile tears down to a tee, usually in the hope a member of the public will feel sorry for them and intervene.

Yes this.

These things can happen and I've walked out of the shop before holding something whilst tending to the children having a tantrum or the kids got something in their hands but have always gone straight back in and paid. However in this case her excuses def dont add up OP so yes she's a theif that got upset at being caught out I'd say. Good on the man for doing his job.

Twice when going around a store I caught myself when I put say a carton of milk in the plastic bag I was carrying around with me. I assure you I had no intention of stealing anything. I also have a habit of putting something under my arm and when I go to pay wonder what is obstructing and then realise I have to pay for that item too.

In some cafes you have to pay for stuff upfront, others you don't. I now try to pay upfront as I did once forget but they called me back!

If it were a chav in a hoodie, I wonder how many people would be recommending a sensitive, quiet word hidden away from the crowd.

Also you know no one is desperate for a bag of kettle chips. She was buying herself a coffee and pastry and nicking the crisps for the kid.

1 of the middle class shoplifters interviewed in an article said even if she got caught, she would just apologise sweetly (in her exact words!) and people would feel bad for her.

It seems to work based on the responses in this thread, saying "even if she was a thief, you must still treat her with kid gloves".

So she could have just used money spent on overpriced coffee and pastry and buy more for the child. The cost of overpriced coffee and pastry from takeaway would buy a multi pack and other things. Just excusing theft.

This.

Middle classed well dressed treated differently from others.

Unprofessional of a staff member to accuse a customer who was obviously stealing from the company that employed him? She's clearly got form for him to tail her into the queue

Well it's never the woman's fault is it. She's bound to have some tosser of a husband at home ordering her to go out and lift crisps from coffee establishments 😉

But anyone genuinely, seriously hard up wouldn’t be buying coffee and pastries, would they?

I don't really understand why people feel this should be done discretely. If the guy saw the lady put them in her bag she deserves a bit of embarrassment.
I am really fed up of watching people shoving steaks and salmon under their jumper at our local coop. My children witness it all the time - it's anarchy.
If it's someone who's desperate for something to feed her family, that's maybe different, but someone buying expensive coffees?

She sounds like she was probably stealing, but he sounds unprofessional. If she had done this previously, and they were aware, they could discreetly let her know she was no longer welcome in the shop and use the crisp in the bag as evidence.

The kind of person who wants to be at the centre of the humiliation of another person, regardless of their behaviour is often a dick. If you were feeling uncomfortable, it’s probably because he was showing a level of pleasure and excitement that was really offputting.

True mistakes do happen though.

One time in tesco i picked up a toy bubble machine for my DD who was with me, we were wandering along putting things in my basket, went to self service with my husband who scanned all items whilst i stood holding the bubble machine.

As we walked out the alarm went off, security guard came and and we were chatting and i gave him my receipt, he was checking everything in the bag WHILST I WAS STILL HOLDING THE BUBBLE MACHINE 😅

He apologized and said the door alarms can be sensitive and as we were about to walk off my DD said something like "oh cant wait to play with my bubbles" and it hit me, I had carried this toy for about 10 mins, stood at the till holding it and almost walked out without even a second thought.

I was so shocked and apologized profusely, security guard was lovely and i think equally as shocked that he had missed it aswel, of course we went back and paid.

Did you put the item in your bag?

The man was a cunt and it was not his place to cause a scene over a bag of crisps. Sounds like he just did this to stroke his own ego, However this is MN where people think the death penalty should be issued over not paying for a carrier bag so this probably won't be a balanced discussion.

I think this is a very possible explanation. Why should a coffee shop ( probably an independent franchise if it is inside a supermarket) have to swallow a regular thief stealing from them?

Calling her out is one option, causing her temporary embarrassment and hopefully deterring her from going to that coffee shop again. The other alternative is detaining her, possibly calling the police ,who would be reluctant to take it forward for such a small amount. Clearly a more complicated, expensive and time consuming response than a member of staff doing what they did. They will be on the alert for her now, and will probably have shared information with other local coffee shops to stop her thieving.

I wondered this too.

Exactly...she needs a short sharp shock.

So it's good he made her pay for it instead of letting her leave and then getting her arrested. He did her a favour