My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think I’m being used in this friendship?

54 replies

WDIDAT · 25/01/2024 20:35

In August I met my friend’s (who I’ve known for 20 years) partner for the first time and since then we’ve been meeting up approximately once a month all together.

The first few times in August to October we mostly met up in a local park for a walk and chat but since December they’ve been wanting to travel further for days out but then the partner revealed that he hasn’t got a full license and would like me to supervise them on the days out so the driving is legal. 

They have been asking for favours approximately once per week or two weeks like asking to borrow money or asking me to supervise them driving for errands. This week I was flabbergasted by a message asking me to hire them a van so I can take their rubbish to the tip and pick up some furniture and they’d gradually pay me back! I ignored the message as I didn’t know what to put. It’s very draining and I feel like I don’t know what they’re going to ask for next.

I’ve been googling “am I being used” and they do ask for constant favours but I am unsure whether I’m being used because they are very pleasant and I offered petrol money which they refused. I’ve wondered “If he passes his test would I see them for dust?” I don’t know! “Were the initial meet ups to butter me up?” I don’t know!

I’m finding it really hard to work out whether they are real friends or not. Do they like me for me or what I can offer? Or maybe a bit of both?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

175 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
Shinyandnew1 · 25/01/2024 21:27

We went out multiple times in 2020 and she would ask me to pay for her lunch

So, did you? I would have stopped going after the first time.

Report
Popcorn23 · 25/01/2024 21:34

Rather than questioning whether they are real friends or not, I would simply ask myself whether I am happy to do these things for them and do I actually like them?

My personal response would be no! They sound very demanding and selfish to be honest.

Report
WDIDAT · 25/01/2024 21:37

@Shinyandnew1 I did it twice and then I pretended to forget my purse and we just went for walks on those times.

@Popcorn23 I don’t actively like or dislike them. I have a neutral opinion of them really.

OP posts:
Report
Quitelikeit · 25/01/2024 21:37

Yes you are being used.

Please stop giving money, time and lifts to these people.

Do NOT hire a van for them under any circumstances

Report
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/01/2024 21:42

Start being unavailable !

and they can Google for waste disposal services in their area - prob far cheaper than you hiring a van !

Report
Marlena1 · 25/01/2024 21:44

Yes you are being used. The supervising I wouldn't mind so much but hiring a van and looking for free lunches has way crossed the line!!! No way would I do that (and I am a bit of a mug).

Report
Honeyroar · 25/01/2024 21:52

WDIDAT · 25/01/2024 20:43

@everyone I am in no doubt they are leeches but my question is are they in it ONLY for what I can offer?

So just say no you can’t to everything and suggest going for a walk every time they ask. See if they stick around..

Report
bjrce · 25/01/2024 22:10

They're not friends! They're CF!

You did the right thing ignoring their last text about hiring a van. That really was brazen! It'll get worse if you continue to have anything to do with this pair of parasites!

They're to be avoided at all costs!

Report
Shinyandnew1 · 25/01/2024 22:11

 I don’t actively like or dislike them. I have a neutral opinion of them really.

I like/love spending time with my friends. I wouldn’t waste my very precious spare time spending it with people who I don’t like and who I have established are leeches. Seriously, spend your free time doing literally anything else. Something you enjoy!

Report
Noseybookworm · 25/01/2024 22:15

Say no to the favours and you'll soon find out if they're really interested in spending time with you or just using you!

Report
BayCityCoaster · 25/01/2024 22:17

Just say ‘no’ to people who ask you to do things you don’t want to do.

I mean, I get that can be hard face-to-face, but in a world of messaging, it’s super easy to send a simple, ‘sorry, I can’t help’ message.

They’re not going to come around to your house and force you to anything!

Report
AnneElliott · 25/01/2024 22:36

Stop doing favours and if they drop you then you have their answer. I think they are cheeky fuckers.

Report
meganorks · 25/01/2024 22:39

I can't believe you've reignited a friendship with someone who used to sponge of you to be honest. Why? Surely you know the answer to this - of course they are using you. Yes the park walks were to butter you up. I think they've asked more and bigger favours of you in a short time than I've ever asked in my whole life!

Report
JMSA · 25/01/2024 22:44

My heart was a wee bit sore when I read that you'd googled if you're being used Flowers
So sorry, OP, but I think that is indeed the case.
I'm really curious to know though, what was the friendship like before your friend met her partner? Was it always like this or were things a bit more balanced in terms of favours?

Report
Winnipeggy · 25/01/2024 22:47

 I don’t actively like or dislike them. I have a neutral opinion of them really.

Then stop this nonsense and ignore them. People generally do actually like their friends, that's kind of the point

Report
MoreDollies · 25/01/2024 23:02

I had a friend like this once. Not in this exact situation but her and her husband took advantage of me at a low ebb and I found myself house-sitting, driving them to an airport (no petrol money offered but huge thanks and promises of bringing me back a nice gift... which ended up being a fridge magnet), dealing with their sick pet, being a taxi for her, helping her with her work.... turned up at her birthday party and she barely batted an eyelid when I arrived before then introducing her best friend to the whole crowd. At that point I realised how mad I had been to think I was important to her, so I withdrew my helpfulness... which was when the nasty messages started.

Report
Moreorlessmentallystable · 25/01/2024 23:04

Unfortunately some people are like that and they always just take but would never reciprocate. I'd say observe how they are not only with you but with other people too. I know a couple like this, they are also very pleasant and charismatic but you see absolutely everyone lending them a hand for everything, however they never do anything for anyone...I find it fascinating really how someone can be so lucky and how many people around them either don't seem to notice or don't mind the friendship being a one way street...

Report
Triskelled · 25/01/2024 23:17

OP, stop focusing on them, and look at your own behaviour — you reignited a ‘friendship’ with someone you describe as an ‘opportunist leech’, you seem unable to say no to increasing demands, yet you refuse petrol money, and you’ve been googling ‘am I being used?’ because you apparently can’t tell?

Work on your self-esteem and boundaries.

Report
isawTheSkids · 25/01/2024 23:24

You mentioned that they asked to borrow money. Have you lent the money? And were you paid back?

Truth be told , yes, they're leeching off you.

Report
ChocolateCinderToffee · 25/01/2024 23:54

Good grief. I’m a non-driver in my 60s and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve asked a friend to drive me somewhere. Even then, they’d usually offered first.

Report
uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/01/2024 00:19

Yes, they are using you, and I know you can't see it at the moment, but you will do... when you find a real friend

Report
HalloumiGeller · 26/01/2024 00:21

They both sound like totally users, why on earth are you even still in contact with them?! Awful people!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

WDIDAT · 26/01/2024 00:26

@isawTheSkids Yes I did it once and paid it back but they’ve asked 6 times.

OP posts:
Report
BoxOfCats · 26/01/2024 00:43

I think the best way to test if you're being used, is to say no to things and see what their reaction is.

Report
neighboursareselling · 26/01/2024 01:28

Respond to future requests with .... Thanks for thinking of me but I can't ......

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.