To be upset DH never ask me

[Emerald95]

Every day as we sit down with tea I ask my DH, DS and DD what the best and worst part of their day has been. Sometimes this leads into a whole conversation about their day or sometimes they just answer with a few words.
But in the months they've been asked the same question every single night they've never asked me the best and worst part of my day. My DC are 8 and 3, still very young and learning how to hold polite conversations but my DH is in his 40's so you'd think he'd have learnt the basics of showing respect in a conversation by asking how others are doing.
For context I left my job 4 months ago to become a SAHM as childcare costs were too high and ever since then my life has lacked a certain amount of adult interactions outside of small talk at baby groups so im unsure if this is why it's bothering me so much.
I know if i mention it he'll make an effort to ask me but having to ask him to consider me is somehow more pathetic than feeling like he doesn't care about my day.

Am I being unreasonable to feel put out that he never asks me?

I'm a single parent so never got asked about my day by my kids. I now have a list of questions on the wall (best/worst/funniest/most frustrating/kindest thing) and tell them to choose one question for their sibling and one to ask me over dinner.
Maybe do the same and get DH to choose too?

Don't you start off by saying yours though? Or say it at the end?

Just tell him OP! I agree with you it's a bit rubbish he hasn't thought of it himself. But honestly, why not say something rather than suffering in silence.

If you don't do much outside of childcare/housework then maybe he feels you won't have anything to say? Perhaps thinking you'd mention it first if you had anything to say?
Maybe he doesn't enjoy this forced style of conversation but he can see you do so he just leaves you to it?
Maybe you should start by saying "well, today I did X, Y and Z. The best bit was when J happened and the worst was when K happened. What about you DC?" It might at least make he think and realise

He possibly finds the ritual tedious. I like to ask my family about their day at dinner and have always fielded a fair bit of eye rolling from all of them. I still ask though. They grudgingly entertain it and it will usually get the conversation going...even if it's just that they all agree that I should leave them alone.

Is he disinterested in you in general or is it just this?

My DD friend asked me once when she was about 14 - I nearly fell over in shock!

And no...none of them ask about my day in return.

Start the conversation off by going first. Model your own expectations.
what’s communication like between you both in general?

Once you start looking you will realise how rarely anyone asks questions any more. Most people are quite happy to chat away about their life without asking you a single thing about yours.
For those people who don’t believe me just try it out, show an interest in other people but don’t tell them anything about you. You will be surprised how rarely anyone asks.
I often amuse myself nowadays by seeing how long they can go without asking me. I actually think I could be a good spy the amount of information I get out of other people.

I ask the kids this but not dh as I feel it would be a bit contrived- he is an adult and he can tell me himself about his day and I can tell him about mine without needing to be asked

It’s sounds like something a primary school teacher would do after the holidays . I mean really asking your husband worst and best thing and expecting him to ask the same. It’s. A bit of a rubbish question to day after day. I used to hate being asked this after school/ work. Your us and probably just want to chill from his day not have to recount it. Just have dinner and let the conversation flow naturally. Or if your that bothered tell him it would be nice if he asked you.

It's a bit repetitive. Maybe try talking about some other things then at the end of your week do the best and worst bit thing. You could start it off with your own

I think they are tedious and contrived questions to be asked and answered every single night at dinner. They are questions I used to ask the kids on the walk home from school in the car but it would be only one question - one day it might be - what happened of interest, the next it might be the best thing, the next the worst, etc.

Does he answer enthusiastically when you ask? Or does it seem like a
chore to him. He probably thinks you’re doing it mainly for the kids and including him to look polite in front of the kids.

If you had had something great or bad happen he would probably assume you’d have already told him / would tell him later.

Also I think an 8 year old is old enough to ask you back if they’re interested. Why not give them a nudge to ask you?

As a pp said if he generally shows interest in you most of the time and it’s just this question thing I’d say let it go. But if this a symptom of a general disinterest in you then it’s a problem.

I think it's okay to ask the kids the best part of the day/what have they enjoyed bla bla but it's a bit of a boring question to an adult at the same time every single day. Surely you can both just talk about what you've done in the day?

Absolutely this!

I have a close friend who loves to tell me all about her life, colleagues, and random relatives of relatives.
I started to notice how little she asked me, so last time we met up I asked her all the usual questions you ask friends but kept quiet about myself.
We’d had a drink, a full meal and were on to our last drink when she finally thought to ask about my newborn grandson. And she only asked that because my phone lit up and she saw his photo as my screensaver.

To add, we’d both talk about our day at dinner if there was something of interest, a happening running from previous days, etc. I’d actually hate to be asked the worst/best part of my day if it had been a day spent at home on house stuff!

We also talk about lots of other things at dinner - weather/news events/family friends/housestuff/whatever.

Have you told him your thoughts? Or just presume that he has the same thought patterns as you? he doesn't.

Tell him, then when he still doesn't ask be mad... until then don't be mad.

I'd just end the conversation with 'well, the worst part of my day is that nobody cares enough to ask how my day went.'

My mum always used to ask me to tell her all about my day. I absolutely hated doing it, it always felt like she was badgering me, and I never did it with my dc. Unfortunately, I now have a DH who likes to bore tell me all about his day without me even asking!

God that would be tedious. It's nice to be asked how your day has been/what have you been up to? But best and worst part- every single day? 😩

Does he actually enjoy being asked?
I really loathe small talk like this!

I've spent years training first my parents, then friends and partners to not ask me things like this.

If I have something I want to share/tell you, I will. If I don't, I don't want to be asked - maybe I had a really shit day and don't want to think about it any more!

Likewise, if they have something to share, I expect them to be proactive and share it/say what they want to say, not be oddly passive-aggressive and sit there silently expecting me to do something they've never expressed that they want me to do.

I totally understand that to you, @Emerald95 , it's a way of showing interest and love. And that's absolutely fine and you're absolutely entitled to ask for what you'd like in a relationship.

But other people are different, and your judgement on your DH assumes that he sees the world and this interaction in the same way as you. He may very well not, and therefore not think that this is making "polite conversation", and not mean anything at all by a failure to reciprocate.

If you'd like him to ask about your day, tell him that, and that it's important to you!

I ask my kids how their day has been but not in such a controlling way. If I asked my husband the best / worst part of his day he would find it really odd. It’s very contrived.

did you read about it in a “how to talk to children book?”

I think part of modeling how to socialize is to model getting your needs met.

At the beginning tell them about your day. Then go to everyone else. Just say you're going first today.

Don't sit there and resent him for not asking. Sometimes we have to ask things from our partners. Assuming you want to stay married and happy then just let him know. There's no point in being miserable.

Christ, I would find this utterly tedious and contrived. It would really piss me off and I wouldn’t engage in it.