To be upset DH never ask me

[Emerald95]

Every day as we sit down with tea I ask my DH, DS and DD what the best and worst part of their day has been. Sometimes this leads into a whole conversation about their day or sometimes they just answer with a few words.
But in the months they've been asked the same question every single night they've never asked me the best and worst part of my day. My DC are 8 and 3, still very young and learning how to hold polite conversations but my DH is in his 40's so you'd think he'd have learnt the basics of showing respect in a conversation by asking how others are doing.
For context I left my job 4 months ago to become a SAHM as childcare costs were too high and ever since then my life has lacked a certain amount of adult interactions outside of small talk at baby groups so im unsure if this is why it's bothering me so much.
I know if i mention it he'll make an effort to ask me but having to ask him to consider me is somehow more pathetic than feeling like he doesn't care about my day.

Am I being unreasonable to feel put out that he never asks me?

Honestly, I wouldn't like this nightly ritual, it would drive me crazy.

It's a nice idea but to be honest, if it's every single day it'd come across like an 'exercise' to me.

Plus I don't want to be thinking about the worst part of my day when I'm trying to relax and eat.

Having said that, if he's willing to answer your questions every day he should of course ask about you.

Can't you just start a conversation about something that happened/you saw/read about & take it from there?

The same questions night after night!

Husband surely thinks it's just something for the kids?

I voted YABU for buying into this nonsense which is another crap idea that seems to have come from the US.

He is probably tired from being the only one bringing any money in and cba with tedious discussions

I often ask my youngest what the best part of her day was. She's five and if I asked her if she'd had a good day, she'd simply say yes. Open ended questions are the way to go. My older two are past that now and will just tell me what they've been up to. However, with the younger one, once she's told me what she's done, I'll often then say, "well today I did..." Not everyday, but at least once a week, she'll now ask me, "how was your day mummy." You need to model a reciprocal conversation, regardless of your dh, so the children learn to ask questions in return. As for dh, he's not a mind reader. You also need to be able to chat with him and let him know you'd like him to take part, otherwise he'll carry on sitting there obliviously.

Do you think that maybe you’re not happy not working at the moment? Is there any scope to be able to get a job that pays at least the same as childcare? If you could afford to take a bit less, it won’t be forever and you may be promoted and earn a bit more? It doesn’t sound like you are happy with the current set up.

Interesting topic!

I usually ask DS9 "how was your day?" when I pick him up from school. It is only in the last couple of years he's started reciprocating but it is lovely to be asked and he seems to like hearing brief details about what I've been up to. If he looks tired I just say "it looks like you've had a long day" and sometimes he'll just nod other times he'll tell me about it. When he was younger I'd ask him "did you make anyone smile today?" or "did you help anyone today?". I think I got that from something I saw on Pinterest about getting kids to talk to you. I only do "best part of" for the weekend on a Sunday night before bed.

I’m always baffled by people on MN who apparently have no understanding how conversations work and think you have to be outright asked about something before you can bring it up. I mean, to me a normal conversation might be:

A: how are the kids?
B: oh, they’re great, DD’s going her ucas at the moment so that’s a bit stressful.
A: oh yeah, I know, when DS was doing his..etc etc.

but it seems like on here unless B expressly asks about A’s kids A will just steadfastly never ever mention them and just fume about it. So fucking weird!

I'm afraid I also agree that having the same questions every day would probably irritate me, though I understand the impulse. Asking a more open-ended question about how the day went sometimes fails to generate much of a response.

He may just be tired at the end of a long day, or maybe it's not his personality to chat in this way. It sounds like you may be the one who takes responsibility for steering the conversation, so he may have fallen into being a bit lazy about it. I'd start volunteering my own answers.

If it really bothers you, you'll have to tell him. It's often the only way to get what we want, even if in a perfect world people would instinctively do and say all the right things.

Umm if I didn’t ask my child this fairly regularly, I would never hear anything about what happened during his day. Not a thing. If you all have less repetitive ways to get info out of your kids then let’s hear it so we all can benefit! I am all ears!!

It would be OK to perform this ritual now and again, but every bloody day 😫. Give them a break. Start a normal conversation by telling them something interesting.

I don't like this nonsense at the beginning of a group training day, and I certainly wouldn't welcome it at the dinner table. I'm surprised they haven't muttered "You first" though.

I don't disagree that many people are quite self-centred in this regard.
However, to be very fair... if I was talking to someone who appeared to be making a concerted effort NOT to mention anything about themselves, I would likely assume they don't want to tell me anything, and thus would not ask.

This could account for a chunk of your interactions 🤷🏼‍♂️

I would hate this every day. He probably thinks its silly. Can’t you just ask, so what did everyone do today after telling them about your day

But do you not ask people general questions like how are you/did you have a good Christmas etc?
If this was someone who was supposed to be your friend and they didn’t seem to be saying much, wouldn’t you ask them how they were or would you carry on talking about yourself?

Sorry to read this. Hope someone asks you soon as this sort of situation can be crushing and breed resentment.

Been there, done that, still wearing the teeshirt.

So last week went with OH for her to enjoy the company of her 2 siblings and spend time and an activity together.

2 hour drive - on the phone nearly all the way, chatting, texting, reading.
At siblings house - felt somewhat ignored.
Next day - went to see them off. Had about 4 hours to kill before I picked them up from their destination. It was ok wandering around, went to a few shops but after a couple of hours got a bit bored.
Picked them up, all of us went out for late lunch.
Drove 2 hours home. I asked about the day, how it’d gone. Some answers, some blanked as yet another text came in. Some more calls, texts, reading minutes of a meeting then slept.

OH hasn’t a clue what I did, where I went, what I bought, did I have a nice time etc. Wasn’t asked then, still haven’t been asked in the following days. I know most things about her day.

My presence helped the day run smoothly.

Not quite really sure why I went.

I often feel I’m in charge of wellness - I’m the one who asks about illnesses, ailments, stresses etc etc but with little reciprocation.

Rant over.

Do I mind? Not really, it’s how it is, probably not worth the upset complaining.
Do I notice? Yes.

What a bitchy comment.

Maybe he is grateful he gets to waltz off to work knowing his wife/the mother of his children is sorting out those very children? Or maybe he should be.

He gets outside socialising, respect, and sympathy from people like you and he can't even be arsed to ask his wife how her day was?!

Ignore the nasty comments about what you are trying to do and point out to your husband that it would be nice if he asked about your day.

I would hate this sort of thing every day.
They probably answer just to get it over and done with.

Perhaps if you let the conversation be natural then he would ask you about your day.

Gently, you need to get a hobby, volunteer or a PT job else you’re going to get very bored and lonely.

I'd find this pretty wearing every day tbh. A bit repetitive and artificial. 'Good day?' is better. Then they csn just say 'Yes thanks' if they have nothing much to report, rather than feeling they always have to think of a best thing and a worst thing, to fit in with the ritual every day!

Of course I do. I assumed you were referring to strangers or mild acquaintances/work colleagues really. I was also taking the (typically perfunctory) "hello how are you" as a bit of a given.

Are the people you talk to not even doing that??

Yes this we talk about things that happen in the day sometimes but being asked direct off anyone apart from children seems false

I always try this and my 4 year old now sometimes asks if I had a nice day while we are having dinner, or asks what my favourite thing of the day was etc.

There is an episode of Bluey where they talk about the funniest thing that happened that day which we have seen a few times and I think helped with the reciprocation as they could see it in action, if that makes sense.

You could maybe try watching that or mixing it up to get more conversation going.

On the flip side my husband sometimes asks me what I have done that day... in the tone that clearly shows he assumes not a lot... I work from home and I'm pretty sure he thinks that must mean I have time to clean, wash and tidy all day and is miffed it doesn't all get done!

The comments on here are extremely mean, unnecessary and not actually answering the question asked! Totally not relevant whether anyone else would like this dinner ritual. People like different things! My answer to the actual question is that it's not fair to expect DH to read your mind. Mention it and then he'll learn more about why it means a lot to you.

I think pointing out these seems contrived and false is relevant. Because that might be why OP isn't being asked. DH finds it a faff and a bother to have to join in this contrivance and therefore he does the perfunctory amount to be done with it.