Grandparent's and house keeping

[Blutto]

Retired 4 years ago and went more or less into child minding my grandson 4 days a week and keeping the family home clean and tidy, cooking the evening meals etc. 2nd grandchild came along and I also mind them 3 days a week. Also drive my daughter to work and pick her up 5 days a week.I thought I was doing OK and on top of things but my wife has recently started to say that she needs time off work to clean the house as it's so dirty. I genuinely can't see this but she says women clean better than men. Problem is , if she does take time off to clean she doesn't actually do anything except sleep in.
I feel all my efforts are being devalued and that I get no credit for doing what I do.

Anyone who needs to take time off work to clean has problems! She's obviously chatting shit if she's just sleeping in and not cleaning, is she purposely trying to make you feel bad?

Aren't you a dream

What a shitty comment.

Could you afford a cleaner every couple of weeks? What is she asking of you on top of what looks to me to be a pretty full time job?

I think your children are taking the mick with what they are expecting you to do for them!

I thought the same. It would make such a difference and I doubt it would break the bank. Go for it.

Thanks for your reply. I could afford a cleaner but honestly don't think one is needed. The house is clean so maybe there is something else that I'm missing that my wife feels I should do but uses the housework as a reason to complain.
Thanks again for your message

To be honest I know this is my own fault. I find it hard to say no to looking after them even when they are being hard work (youngest is going through the terrible twos at the moment)

Could the parents of the grandchildren and recipients of being driven to work not pay for a weekly 3 hour clean - surely ! I would tell them you can't keep up with both cleaning and childcare and lifts ' if that were my parents I.would pay for a cleaner.

@maddening I do agree with you. OP is retired but appears to be working full time and young children are hard work however much you love them! They are taking advantage IMO.

I agree with A PP. your kids are massively taking the piss. Do you want to do all of that for them? You do t have too.

It's your child who is taking the piss, not your wife. And so what if your wife chooses to have a lie in on her annual leave? Why do you think she shouldn't, because you've signed up to be childcare and chauffeur for your daughter?

It sounds like you are expecting your wife to give you credit what you have chosen to do for your daughter. But why should she, especially if you are then not doing much at hone?

What is communication between you and your wife like? Do you talk much? I think what she is actually doing, without actually saying it, is telling you you are doing all these things for other people and not spending time on/with her or what matters to her (i.e. your shared home). I think she might be feeling she's bottom of the pile in your eyes at the moment. Have a chat with her. (As for your children, they are absolutely shamelessly taking advantage of you. Your daughter surely does not need to be taken to work by Daddy?)

What age are you? You are doing too much. Sorry but your daughter needs to be more self sufficient. You shouldn’t be driving her to work 5 days a week. Why can’t she get herself to work? Do you want to mind the two children?

I look after GC overnight once a week and that is enough . It’s too much looking after little people for longer than that ,tiring and repetitive! . You have earned retirement not childminding! Really think family taking advantage of you.

You are doing far too much for your children, it's impacting on you home and marriage.

@Blutto As you are grand parents and you are retired is your wife in her 50s and going through the menopause? I am not downplaying what you do but I know full time work at that age can be exhausting.

I think the cleaning maybe an excuse to have some down time rather than you not keeping the house clean.

Why on earth are you doing all that? You know you're being taken for an absolute mug.

It sounds more like your wife is tired and would like to reduce her working hours. Maybe she feels you do so much you may as well work a bit and get paid? You need to have an honest conversation with her.

Thanks, your reply has made me think! Sometimes we can't see what's right in front if us.

You're looking after your grandchildren more than the parents are, and more than you looked after your own children. I adore my grandchildren, but there's no way I'd ever want to look after them for almost all week when I'm retired. I've worked hard, raise my own kids, and done my bit. could you tell them to arrange childcare for a couple of the days?

I think it would be good to have a chat with your wife about how she is feeling, what she needs ans feels she isn't getting etc. She sounds unhappy and it is important to talk.

I would also her to give you examples of what she feels needs cleaning, it is possible that different people have different standards of cleanliness, there are things that I am happy to leave that DP isn't and vice versa.

You are giving a lot of help to your children and saving them a lot of money in childcare and transport, it would be reasonable to ask them to pay for a cleaner.

Your wife may be tired and frustrated for lots of reasons, the housework may be the one thing she can pinpoint but it would be good to fix that issue so you can then look to discuss any others.

You sound like good people trying your best to help your family.

It's not really possible to look after small children, and deep clean a house. I used to keep it clean and tidy, but once a month it needed a proper clean. Do you think you could ask her what needs doing, and do one job a week when you don't have the children. It does sound like you're doing alot for you daughter. How come you have to give her a lift to work and back? Seems a bit much, when you could be busy with laundry, shopping and cleaning. Seems like your wife expects you to do your stuff first instead of prioritising others. Could you come to a compromise with childcare and the lifts?

I think you need to re evaluate the amount you are doing for your kids . It's a lot . Your wife may feel you are neglecting her . Your kids could do a lot more for themselves they are adults now. Your wife probably thought that at this stage of life ye would have more time for each other .