Grandparent's and house keeping

[Blutto]

Retired 4 years ago and went more or less into child minding my grandson 4 days a week and keeping the family home clean and tidy, cooking the evening meals etc. 2nd grandchild came along and I also mind them 3 days a week. Also drive my daughter to work and pick her up 5 days a week.I thought I was doing OK and on top of things but my wife has recently started to say that she needs time off work to clean the house as it's so dirty. I genuinely can't see this but she says women clean better than men. Problem is , if she does take time off to clean she doesn't actually do anything except sleep in.
I feel all my efforts are being devalued and that I get no credit for doing what I do.

Your are doing an amazing job,looking after 2 kids and keeping a house clean is a like having full time job so i would say your wife is needing a wake call

Your daughter is your problem (sorry)

she is getting an insane amount of help/time/energy from you.

my parents didn’t drive me to and pick me up from school! Beyond the age of 11…

your wife is likely menopausal presumably still working and she is probably feeling very alone in her house and marriage.

I think you should devote some of that energy and effort into taking your wife on a lovely day trip and nice meal our alone - somewhere that’s a bit of a treat and you can both enjoy

I know as a grandparent most want to help.out with childcare but you have gone above and beyond and are driver , nanny ,cleaner and chef .
Where is your own wife, house relationship, time and hobbies you want to do in your life at present .
I think you need to really think about how you want your retirement to go .
Tbh I think dd needs to learn to drive ASAP and you reduce your days with the kids certainly stop with any cleaning etc in their house.
Speak to your wife about how you are both feeling and a way forward .
I feel you started doing a bit and are now doing everything for your daughters family .

If my spouse had retired and I was still working, I would expect to come home and find my dinner cooked for me most days and the house reasonably clean. I think you are doing far too much for your children and not enough for your wife. I say this as a grandparent that does 2 days childcare a week. Your wife is probably near retirement and getting tired. What do you have against her having a lie in? Put her before your children sometimes.

OP, look at it like this.
If you was in place of your daughter and vice-versa, what would you thing re your mum doing all of this? Would mum need more work to give you an easier life?

Children are not the parents I was years ago, we manged three young ones, all three year aprt, worked from home looking after children and then to school OH was out working 13 hours a day and as children got older, OH came home 5.45, we laoded kids in car he dropped me off at part time work and picked me up 11pm Mon to Friday with children in car as well - we kept a clean home and we are were we are via hard work and sensible savings and not uncessarliy leaning on our parents

@Blutto I'm a little bit confused. Do you all live together or are you keeping 2 houses clean?

are you doing your daughters housework?

why is your wife still working full time when you're 'retired' but actually doing so much for your daughter??

why can't you both be retired & enjoy time together?

id be massively resentful in your wife's position.

as others have said, for some of us the menopause is both mentally & physically absolutely draining.

I want time off to declutter/deep clean etc too, but when it comes to it I'm too exhausted to do it & mostly end up sleeping.

i think you really need to talk to your wife, stop playing hero to your little princess. Or you may well find yourself wondering why your wife has left you.

2 preschoolers 3/4 days a week is just too much, on top of chauffeur, housekeeper at retirement age. You need to decide what you can manage & the princess & knight in nit shining armour need to find some other childcare & house keeping services.

Im a grandparent and retired and help out quite a lot, I love my little fella and enjoy him, would I do as much as OP? no fucking way.

OP, you need a life of your own too, your daughter is taking the absolute piss, you are retired after a lifetime of working and I would be bloody resentful if I was your wife, where is the life the two of you should be enjoying? Dinners out during the week? The odd week away? The shared interests?

Cut back on the childcare, tell your daughter to get the bus to work and start enjoying your marriage.

Wouldnt it be great to hear the wife’s take on things!?

‘I feel all my efforts are being devalued and that I get no credit for doing what I do.’

Sorry OP. This sounds like a male statement. You don’t say, but I have assumed you are male. I have seen a few posts on MN from women whose husbands like to think they are doing everyone a favour and like to take credit while the partner/wife is left to cope on her own.
When does your wife retire? Surely retirement is something you discus together.
Couples usually, but not always, retire at the same time even if one has to support the other.