Holiday

[adonk]

So my boyfriend has asked me how I would feel, if he went on holiday with his ex and their child… so they could both be there for the child’s first holiday. Am I wrong to think absolutely not! Or am I overreacting? Anyone been in this situation?

The child's first birthday is mentioned as the reason for the holiday.

Apologies. I misread holiday for birthday.

No it isn't. It just says the child's first holiday. The child is not 1.

He is nuts.
And you would be to accept this.

See my post above yours.

She wants him back 100%. If he goes, you will lose him.

He’s basically said that there’s no need for 2 separate first holidays when they can go together and make family memories, and said that when his son gets married there obviously won’t be two weddings, it will be both parents attending together

Just no.

When you separate you forgoe some stuff.

Since when is 'first holiday' a thing anyway?! You could turn loads of events into 'firsts'.

A wedding is totally different. Their child will be an adult and will decide who is invited. And it will (probably) be a once only event.

They're not a family any more though are they. I find people who want to maintain this level of involvement with the ex very odd and there's no way I'd put up with it.

Poor child. Sounds confusing.

She's posting passive aggressive comments.
She wants him back or at the very least she'll do something whilst on this holiday to break up your relationship.
She either wants him for herself or she wants him to not be with you.

He's maintaining a level of involvement with his CHILD not his ex. Isn't that to be encouraged?

Child is 6, they broke up years ago and child has had holidays so it's not the child's first holiday but first holiday abroad
There is absolutely no need for him to go on holidays with his ex.
They have been parenting separately for years.
How does he feel about being asked? Does he want to go?

That's not relevant though, is it. His son isn't going to get married for a good long time, at which point there will be much more water under the bridge and them as a couple will be in the distant past. Not right now where it is a few years ago and his ex is obviously not 100% happy about him having a girlfriend.

If he doesn't see that this isn't a good idea, I would also start wondering how finished he really is with the relationship with his ex.

If it's about the experience for the child, there should be no problem with you going along too. If the ex doesn't like that idea, then it's not really about the child is it? I would question her motives. If he doesn't get that, I'd be questioning his too.

Either you go and they share the holiday or your partner doesn't go and you three go abroad separately.

Yeah, fuck that. I bet she wouldn't be wanting this cosy holiday if she was with someone!

@KrisAkabusi of course he needs to maintain a level of involvement with his child. But that doesn't have to run to family holidays with the ex FFS. There's a happy medium that most divorced couples manage to maintain and their kids aren't scarred by not having their (divorced) parents on holiday with them.

Honestly sometimes I'm shocked at the level of shite that's posted on this site.

First holiday abroad is not some sort of milestone. If your DP wants to take him away then why don't you go on your own holiday?

Anyway it would be a no from me. Separated parents don't need to make memories together.

I think it would depend on the holiday. If it were for a cultural attraction or to visit a family member, would think is possibly OK. Not just for a week or more sat reading a book in the sun.

No.
If you booked a holiday for you your partner and his child would she want to tag along?

It would be a hell no from me. It's not a significant 'first' and is wildly inappropriate when one parent is in a long-term relationship.

A child doesn't need mum and dad together for a holiday, in fact it could be quite confusing for them and make them wonder why it isn't like that all the time.

First day at school, yes both parents take the child in. Parents evenings and majoring hobby events, both parents should go.

First holiday abroad isn't a thing so that's just nonsense.
She posts passive aggressive shite online about you yet he expects you to be happy with this? Fuck no.
I'd tell him if he wants to go then that's fine but it would be the end of the relationship for me.

Because separated parents do things separately. They will miss things because they are separated. Otherwise they are just ‘together’.

Absolutely not - all three of them will most likely be sleeping in the same accommodation, as single accommodation for your DP and a separate accommodation for one adult and one DC will be expensive.

I would be proposing that you and DP take DSC on their first holiday abroad, the three of you. Ex can take her DC on their own adventure aboard.