Practical tips for dealing with a hypochondriac

[crochetmonkey74]

Nice family member, no health anxiety but being ill has become her personality. She's not old, but will send a daily text, hers always consist of what illness she has, or how badly she slept. Her childhood way to get attention was this I think. I love her dearly but there is only so much you can talk about this. Her love language is very much acts of service so if I don't put something along the lines of " let me know if I can drop something off for you" she gets a bit sulky. Anyone got a hypochondriac and got good tips of how to manage them?

Just respond with a "sorry to hear that" and then tell them about a health problem you have. Make one up if necessary.

I have done this occasionally but it's very tedious. She only really talks about health, I can't get her on any other subject

Hypochondria is actually a type of anxiety disorder and is in fact health anxiety.
DS1 (23) suffered very badly from it for over a year, he was convinced he had cancer. It was draining (being honest) and upsetting. I dealt with it by listening and believing that what he said was wrong with him was true(not that he had cancer but that he had symptoms). He ended up having lots of tests and scans and did in fact have Helicobacter Pylori which left untreated over a long period can cause cancer.

Yeah it isn't this. It's more like her only item of conversation is what's wrong with her. Think daily update on her cold that might go on for 3 weeks.. hasn't slept well, sore shoulder from carrying heavy bag etc

Is she literally sending a text every single day with a different illness? Or is that a bit of an exaggeration?

Block her then. If she's just using you to dump all her anxiety on. What do you get out of that?

It won't be a literal different illness each day but a health related issue. Didn't sleep, sore shoulder, cold, phlegm in throat, bit nauseous. That sort of thing. A cold requires weeks of update then weeks of resting updates to recover

She's a nice family member so this definitely not an option

ok. Third suggestion. How about telling her directly how tedious it is for you to have to listen to that.

I've tried to be nice about it and said things like "oh flipping heck name you're not cheering me up with all this gloom and doom each day" she's a sensitive soul so wouldn't tale the thought I was bored of talking to her.
I've also gone down the " you shouldn't be feeling this unwell, how about going to the doctors" but she never will

We have a family WhatsApp group upon which my SIL overshares to a ridiculous extent. I don't reward the overshares by liking them. I just like the posts which are appropriate- that's my only power with her hilarious attention seeking.
This one is not unwell just massively braggy and full of herself

The only hypochondriac I know gets very irritated if I say how well be looks. Not sure how that would work by text.

I would frame it as you're worried about her as it's not normal to have so much health anxiety on such a regular basis and suggest she gets some mental health support. frame it as in her interest to look into it and that you're really concerned. If she refuses then you can then maybe telling her it's affecting your own mental health now, so please could she keep it to herself if she's not prepared to address it.

Just ignore her texts then. Just because someone messages you doesn't mean you have to answer them

If you don't pander to it, she gets sulky... so you pander to it?

Try not pandering to it for a month and see what happens.

The sulkiness will happen if she says she has a cold and I say something that redirects it.
What she's looking for is a reply like "oh no poor you, let me know if I can bring anything round for you"
She never tales me up on the offer, I think it's her way of hearing "I love you and you are not alone"

Yes this is good. I'll try , she's likely to say "I'm not anxious I just have a cold/stomach bug/whatever she has that day.

How about replying but not mentioning the illness.

So she texts "woe is me, doom and gloom, arm fell off"

You reply "what a lovely day for January, pegged out my washing earlier and it's nearly dry already".

Or something similar. Don't block or stop responding, just don't engage with the health issues and deliberately talk about something - anything - else.

Could cause a sulk or a comment like
"I'd love to peg my washing out but feeling too ill so need to rest"

I will definitely try this though as it feels more upbeat!

I think you can stop tiptoeing round the sulk.

"I'd love to peg my washing out but feeling too ill so need to rest"

Reply, Ooh well I went to peg out before and I saw next door's cat... blah blah.

Just ignore it, the more you reinforce it the more it will happen. Remove the reward.

My first husband had something wrong with him, every day. He would start to complain the moment he woke up, from migraine to sore toe, there was always something. His clothes were never comfortable either, sometimes he would put his shirt on 3 or 4 times, before he got it to feel comfortable. I loved him, so tried to be supportive, thinking he had sensory issues, or health anxiety. Then he had a 4 year long affair, so I threw him out, he has probably driven her mad with his moaning for the last 20 years. 🙄I think it was a sign that he was just not satisfied with life in general.

My husband has this tendency, I actively nip it in the bud so it doesn't get worse.

When he says something, usually about being ill after meeting someone who is now ill, I get very blunt and remind that he does this after every face to face meeting and it's fucking tedious. Seems to be working.

"oh dear"
Then press send..
Daily if necessary..

When she says "arm fell off so can't reach washing line" etc., you say "Not to worry, do it tomorrow when you feel better".

This isn’t hypochondria, it sounds as though they relish in attention concerning their health/wellbeing.

Don’t feed it with attention.