Long rant - hesitated over where to post it - settled for AIBU. About Dad and his jurassic attitude to women.

[eekamoose]

Trying to be brief: at family occasion a while ago, me DH and two dcs were invited to big lunch by DDad and StepMum at their house. Others there included my older brother and his partner (male) and my 3 younger half siblings, all in their 20s, 2 of whom (both male) living at home.

So my step-mum as usual serves up lovely Sunday lunch. After lunch DS fills nappy so I go upstairs to change him. By the time I come back down, the table has been cleared and Dad is serving out the port and liqueurs.

So Dad says to me "you can help Step-Mum make the coffee". Well this is not unreasonable, except for the fact that while I have been upstairs changing the nappy, there have been 6 grown men (3 of whom actually live in the house) and another grown woman sitting round the table waiting for their coffee and liqueurs to be served up to them.

I'm afraid I said to Dad "What about all these others here who could do the coffee. Why are you giving me the job?"

It was not about the time and effort involved in making the coffee AT ALL, but I know he only gave the task to me because I was the oldest female present apart from my step-mother.

AIBU for being cross about it all?

I think I would have been miffed for the simple reason that you were already busy, eekamoose, and everybody else, male OR female, just sat there and didn't help. Nothing to do with roles. Just thoughtlessly failing to notice that one person was already doing something necessary. I'm enough of an old bat to have said, "Are you all glued to your chairs then?"

I'd have made the coffee and as they were enjoying the last swig have dropped 'oh bother I forgot to wash my hands after changing the poopy nappy - you did ask for one lump didn't you?' into the conversation.

This is my dads best quote on women -

Men leave their wifes and girlfriends because they aren't caring for them properly (sure he meant washing, ironing, cooking & sex on tap!)

whereas

women leave their husbands because they are slags!

Needless to say since XH and I split we haven't spoken - obviously as I am aforementioned SLAG!

MI is dead right, feminism and women's lib have been around for a long time. There is no excuse for our parents' generation. And, in fact, my Grandad, born in 1903, was a feminist who shared the housework with my Grandma.

He said he realised women could do anything men could do in WW2, when he was in the RAF. One day he was on an airfield in atrocious weather. A plane came into land and everyone was watching because it was such a difficult approach - wasn't uncommon for planes to crash in that situation (there are some fairly scary stats about how many planes crashed long before they got near a battle).

Everyone cheered when the pilot managed to land. And when they took their flying helmet off, they realised it was a woman - delivering the plane from the factory.

Edam

I like cooking. I am a good cook. I make good coffee. Our kitchen is a pleasant place.

But I'm buggered if I'll do it just because I'm expected to just on account of lacking a Y-chromosome.

That's a brilliant example, Edam.

My FIL was born in 1909 and would never have behaved like this. Nor would my granddad who was born in the 1880's. Gentlemen of their generation were brought up to be chivalrous to women. Which meant they would not leave a woman struggling with two jobs if they could help with one. Particularly not a woman with a small baby.

I don't think there has ever been a generation where lazy-arseness has been the highest aspiration of mankind. That tends to get reserved for the lazy arses.

Oh god that story is so fabulous, it's inspirational, I bloody love it.

My dad is the total opposite and now he is retired and my mum is still working my dad does all housework and cooking and he loves it?!!
There is no excuse for this prehistoric attitude that men sit on their fat arses whilst women run around after them - it is basic manners. I would have said that couple hosting should share the chores between them and everyone else should offer to help.
Great story BTW Edam!

Every Boxing Day, Dh's mum does a big family meal. Before I was with DH, this meant all the men pushed off to the pub and rolled back just in time for lunch, leaving SIL's with the kids, and MIL doing the cooking (she won't let anyone help). And then after lunch they'd stagger into the lounge and snooze whilst everyone else washed up.
When I started going I got in a fast invitation to the SILs to go to the pub and leave the blokes at home. After lunch everyone takes turns to wash up now.

I come from a long line of feminists though.

Edam - those delivery pilots were amazing - they'd get into planes that had hardly been flown before and fly without instruments or any weapons all over the place. They had very little training either.

great story edam
and the war did open eyes of both men and women in this country as to gender roles / differences thankfully...
shame its not permeated completely through society

op my father is the same lazy ass male brought up to think that being waited on was his destiny
and my mother does it

i was expected to host sunday dinner for 6, oh, about 10 days after having c-section ...
wtf..dh had sense and ordered indian instead these attitudes alienate people and make you not wanna be with them
its only right to challenge these entrenched attitudes..

boysontoast .. you rock!

I wouldnt be livid about it but I do know what you mean. My dad once took DH and himself off for port in the front room and told me to stay in the kitchen with DD as it was 'for men'. Considering we had driven about 2 hours to get there and it was one of his few opportunities to see DD I thought it was pretty appalling. Its one of the many reasons that I now have nothing to do with him. Twat.

My dad is fairly similar. Despite my mum working full time when we were young in the 1970's, housework was her responsibility. Which accounts for my complete reluctance to let DH get away with putting a dent in the sofa, while I run round at the weekend. We both WOTH full time.

My most recent dad special.......

Dad picks up Wickes catalogue which I was looking through, and had just put down.
"This is such a man's catalogue isn't it?" I suppose it's the lack of anything frilly or pink which makes him think so

I wouldn't mind, but I did an engineering degree and am regularly found messing about with the tractor while DH flicks through the IKEA catalogue. [needs resigned shoulder shrugging icon]