Long rant - hesitated over where to post it - settled for AIBU. About Dad and his jurassic attitude to women.

[eekamoose]

Trying to be brief: at family occasion a while ago, me DH and two dcs were invited to big lunch by DDad and StepMum at their house. Others there included my older brother and his partner (male) and my 3 younger half siblings, all in their 20s, 2 of whom (both male) living at home.

So my step-mum as usual serves up lovely Sunday lunch. After lunch DS fills nappy so I go upstairs to change him. By the time I come back down, the table has been cleared and Dad is serving out the port and liqueurs.

So Dad says to me "you can help Step-Mum make the coffee". Well this is not unreasonable, except for the fact that while I have been upstairs changing the nappy, there have been 6 grown men (3 of whom actually live in the house) and another grown woman sitting round the table waiting for their coffee and liqueurs to be served up to them.

I'm afraid I said to Dad "What about all these others here who could do the coffee. Why are you giving me the job?"

It was not about the time and effort involved in making the coffee AT ALL, but I know he only gave the task to me because I was the oldest female present apart from my step-mother.

AIBU for being cross about it all?

IT WASN'T OK 'IN THEIR DAY', dammit.

I'd be bloody livid, yes, if someone expected it was somehow my role to make coffee on account of my genitalia. Last time I looked, they weren't coffee-specific.

Quite sexy tho' isn't it?

No, of course it wasn't. And neither was it OK to treat women like second class citizens. But both of these things were accepted years ago. I am saying that we should no longer accept it.

No, strangely enough I don't find the expectation that I'll hang out in the kitchen remotely sexy.

JP, my point is that feminism was around years ago. The generation argument is a mere distraction. The Equal Pay Act was passed in 1970 too, I note.

Women have been getting out of the kitchen for a long, long time.

Flibberty! no WAY!

no sirree bob, i wouldnt have stood for that if i lived in 1705, let alone now.

a good swift clip round the ear, is what these blokes need. and women should not even entertain the notion that these attitudes deserve a seconds consideration, let alone pandering to.

madness i tell you!

Who was it that mused on the fact that she was called a 'feminist' every time she expressed an opinion that differentiated her form a doormat or a prostitute.

Rebecca West??

I see. I thought you were shouting at me.

sisters

Oh, I do apologise, I shouldn't have put things in caps, I am sorry

Moondog, that is classic.

I don't think making coffee for someone is being a second class citizen.
It's nice to play a that role sometimes, that's all I'm saying
I am often in the kitchen making healthy homecooked food for my family, I enjoy it.

So do I.
That's not the point at all here however.

Moondog, yes it was Rebecca West. Now I would have been annoyed at this too, and would have said 'Dad, don't be such a sexist oinker, people will think you mean it' or something similar.
I remember once, years ago, at a meeting, announcing to the other men there that I was going to fetch the coffee trolley in NOT because I was the only bird but because I was a) nearest the door and b) going to bite someone if I didn't have some caffiene. And a biscuit. Two of them had the grace to look a bit embarrassed.

But it's her Dad. I think he asked her because he felt comfortable doing so, there was another female present after all.

mrsruffallo - I really think you are missing the point. Nobody is saying that making coffee makes you a second class citizen. Or that making healthy homecooked food is not enjoyable.

The assumption, by the OP's father, that she should make the coffee for everyone else, because she is a woman - that is what is objectionable.

but why on earth would gender be remotely related to coffee preparation ??

truly puzzled.

Two weeks after ds2 was born by c-sect the inlaws arrived and fil expected me to brew up for him, I said 'you should be jumping up to make ME a drink'. His reply? 'I;ve been driving all day to come and see your baby'
My own dad is 79, much older than FIL and waited on me hand and foot while pg, makes cups of tea, etc etc, so if a man born in the 1920s can have a nice attitude then its got nothing to do with AGE, its just that some men are ill mannered aresholes.

well said flibberty

what a cock.

Am really not taking Mrs Ruffalo seriously. Would I have rather been doing a job in the kitchen at my father's bidding (I was over 40 at the time and hadn't actually lived "under his roof" since I was 10, which is when he left our family home) or having a nice brandy in the dining room with everyone else? Hmmmm, let me think...

I don't find doing chores remotely sexy. I do mostly enjoy cooking for my family. I resent being given domestic tasks because of my gender.

I made a small fuss and didn't do it on principle. My Dad did it, rather than ask one of his three sons .

It's the serving everyone else that is related to gender - in the OP's father's case. My dad is exactly the same. It would not occur to him to get off his lazy arse and make the coffee himself. It's a woman's place to serve others. It's the man's place to be served.

My brother and I were treated very differently in this respect as we grew up. I was always told to "help mum" with dinner/ clearing up/ housework. My brother was not. I found it degrading and humiliating.

Or indeed my DH or my DB's male partner ...

my point, JP, is that no matter what he thinks, you ought not to give your dads opinions the time fo day. 6especially^ now youre an adult. just look at him pityingly, raise an eyebrow, look away and carry on talking about the telly or something.

anyone treated me like a servant would be lucky to survive , frankly.

I wish I could raise an eyebrow, BoysOnToast, I really do. I have never been able to do it!